Whats you opinion of "stay at home wives"

[strawberryperogi]

After reading another thread about SAHMs I am curious about what people would say about SAHWs, I know you will all say it should just be unemployed but if the person isn't looking for a job then are they really in that catagory?

Could you respect or be friends with a woman who didn't work and earn or at least look after her children?

Just curious!

I'm nowhere near brave enough to read this full thread, but just want to put it out there, that there may well be reasons that are not known. Only my DH, very close friends and health professionals know I don't work because of my mental health. The rest of my family and random people around my life just imagine I've made a weird, stupid, eccentric life choice to sit on arse for years, despite a good education and no kids.

runs and hides

The term our mortgage broker insisted on using to define me was a "home maker", by the way. I don't really call myself anything. I just say that I don't work.

I wouldn’t judge. I feel like we weren’t designed to commute for 2 hours and work for 9 hours a day. I wouldn’t assume they had no drive or identity. Even though I actually like my job I’d happily spend my days reading books and doing yoga if I could.

grey
This thread is full of claims of jealousy towards people from SAHW who have decided anyone with a differing view must be jealous of them.

I don't think about what other people do - its none of my business. I judge people on how they treat me and how they treat others - not how they live.

Hmmmm... jealous much?

Also, have a look at all the threads where working mums are struggling to keep everything afloat (so they say) while having a full time job. Why put the whole family through the stress if there is no need to?

Very happy SAHM/W here - very educated, paid vast taxes for a good number of years or so and don't feel remotely like a prostitute or leech thank you. Many mothers round here don't work, all did at one point but a lot gave up when their children went to school funnily enough because of the impossible logistics unless you throw money at it all. Very few have families around who can help and most of the husbands have high paid, demanding jobs ( as the women did before).
Noone at the school gate gives a toss who works, who doesn't, who works part time, who is the main breadwinner etc etc. I can't understand while people get so upset by it all.
However I do appreciate that I am in a very fortunate position to have the choice as do my friends. We are not all sitting around drinking coffee or going to the gym though...

I do know someone who has no kids and doesn't work, her husband is very stressed out because they are struggling financially. In this situation I think she is just a lazy cow. There are others I know who would love to work but have disabilities that are currently making it very difficult for them, they don't have kids either but are doing everything they can to get as well as possible so they can work.

Women who choose to stay at home and look after their kids get my full respect I have done both and even though my current work place is a toxic hell hole ....on the whole I prefer working .....it's normally my escape lol

The reality nowadays for the vast majority of couples is that you need two salaries to afford a mortgage for a family home, and afford basic luxuries.

I think MN is a fake world of mainly upper middle class, middle aged people whose DHs are very wealthy (all CEOs or senior management), earning 6 figure salaries and living mortgage free.

It is easy to make choices in those circumstances but most people do not lead those lives and working is a necessity. I don't think it's that healthy to say that SAHM is a lifestyle choice when you need to put food on the table and struggle to make ends meet and feel exhausted. I do think that being a SAHM in 2018 Britain is a luxury that not may of the younger generation can afford, unless they are from wealthy backgrounds or incredibly lucky.

This isn't coming from a place of jealousy as I was one of the extremely lucky ones who married someone on a very healthy salary and unusually for most still chose to keep my career. This was a choice and I realise I was lucky as I did have this choice, most people in my position would have given up work. I have been heavily criticised for this. Most people I meet think I work with 4 children because we don't earn enough when in reality we do but I was brought up too poor and unstable to risk ever losing my career.

The moral of the story is...each to their own!

Oh wow, some of the comments... sooo judgy AND sooo jealous!
Seriously, what business is it of yours what other women do in their own lives. What do they actually owe you? If you took the time and energy you spend looking down on others lives, and instead used it to focused on yours, imagine how much better off you would all be.
Life is very short, there is no guarantee of tomorrow. Every hour wasted is another day out of your life, you can never get back. Sure some women have careers that they are passionate about and give them absolute joy. However what about the women who aren’t career focussed, who are in poorly paid jobs they dislike, who would rather be at home with their kids or spending their hours doing what they enjoy. Instead they are at work because they have no choice. How many of those women, given financial security and freedom, wouldn’t quit their jobs tomorrow? There’s a lot of people out there working only because of money, not because of the love of it and it’s delusional to think otherwise. So if someone is lucky enough to be a SAHW all power to them. And it doesn’t matter if it’s because they won the lottery or a rich husband, want to be at home with their kids, support their husbands business, have depression & aniexty, a disability, illness, are retired or just have no financial need to work in a supermarket being bored stiff, just so people like you think they are somebody because they work. I really hope your jobs are something incredible for all the smugness.

I do know someone who has no kids and doesn't work, her husband is very stressed out because they are struggling financially. In this situation I think she is just a lazy cow. There are others I know who would love to work but have disabilities that are currently making it very difficult for them

You see the thing is, if you were a friend or relative who called people “lazy cows”, you’re exactly the kind of person I wouldn’t discuss my disability with (mine’s visible, but some people are phone and email relationships and some disabilities are invisible). Because you come across as unintelligent, gossipy and judgmental.

Lol if you think 'kept women' are to be ridiculed what about SAHMen?
Yes I had a 'cocklodger'.

As long as they are not screwing the system, let them get on with it. If someone has a spouse earning enough money to cover the bills, and expenses, and is happy for the other half to be at home, let them get on with it.

A school mom I used to know had a husband who owned his own business. Every week he paid all the bills and gave his wife £250 a week slush money on the understanding that she stayed at home, raised the kids and never claim benefits. Nothing wrong with that.

I have met rather a lot of SAHW’s and all perfectly lovely and non have two heads etc but I have noticed a theme ....... they are the first to announce how busy / run off their feet they are
Seem a little disconnected with how busy most people are who also work / have kids

SAHW wasting their talents by not working and not effecting change in the world

Wtf are these jobs everyone is doing where their "talents" are so appreciated and they are effecting change in a manner where they can be so smug? Surely most jobs are mindlessly irritating office jobs? Some of the attitudes on here come across as incredibly arrogant. My friends are people I have things like a sense of humour in common with, not work-related bullshit. It is baffling to me that people will agree if they won the lottery they wouldn't work, but if they have, as a household, the money to stay at home they wouldn't?

How about ASAHW who can retire but has a husband/ partner who works. Income from work's pension but not enough to be independent Are they to be classified as lazy, uninteresting, scroungers. Each to their own.

I think it's a personal choice either way. If someone wants to stay at home, it's her choice as long as everyone at home is on board with it. If someone wants to work part time or full time/ study/ do charity work or volunteer, again it's their choice. Women tend to feel guilty for the smallest things anyway, so no point in wondering what others feel about their domestic situations. Just make the choice to be happy and nothing else matters

I never say I’m busy. Because I’m not. So it would be a weird thing to say.

There is a lot in here about women's right to choose..

It’s really lame to dismiss any contrary POV as jealousy,is that best you can muster?
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Quite frankly I don't care if my choices huff or please. I, along with my DH made the choices we did for practical reasons.

If your partner male or female is rich enough and thinks it's ok and you look after all the home things. why bloody not? although tbh I would probably have done some charity work. What is wrong with not working if you don't need to earn? you're leaving a job free for someone who needs it. I soo wish I hadn't needed to work.

Totally agree
Anewme2018

This is a bizarre question on many levels. A) why do you care? B) who are you to judge? C) is a person's worth based solely on their financial or child raising contribution? I could go on....