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Original poster

Whats you opinion of "stay at home wives"

986 replies

strawberryperogi · 24/05/2018 17:10

After reading another thread about SAHMs I am curious about what people would say about SAHWs, I know you will all say it should just be unemployed but if the person isn't looking for a job then are they really in that catagory?

Could you respect or be friends with a woman who didn't work and earn or at least look after her children?

Just curious!

OP posts:
LionAllMessy · 25/05/2018 18:06

Your everyone is your experience,drawn from your social milieu

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3259292-To-sometimes-pay-for-DPs-meal-when-we-eat-out-and-vice-versa?watched=1

And everyone else on mumsnet, it seems.

Although I'm sure you'll continue telling yourself that even if everyone else's "social milleu" does one thing and yours apparently does another, it's everyone else who is unusual!

LionAllMessy · 25/05/2018 18:08

but I'm unlikely to have very much in common with someone who claims they are horribly busy because they have art class, then pilates, then some household admin

What if they don't say they're busy, they just say they didn't like their job and prefer relaxing, taking art classes and doing pilates?

Housequeen101 · 25/05/2018 18:09

Jesus Christ, why do people care so much what others are doing! I’m currently a SAHM and when my kids go to school I have no plans to return to work. My husband earns enough to enable me to do this and quite frankly I couldn’t give a flying fuck if anyone thinks I’m lazy ect. I had a well paid job before my children were born but have no interest in returning. 😊😊😊 I also, shock horror, have friends who respect me. Anyone that wouldn’t like someone due to their homelife situation isn’t someone I’d want to be friends with anyway.

paisleyblue · 25/05/2018 18:11

Can't believe this thread is still going. Men would not rip into each other this much over their lifestyle choices.

Jesus!

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 25/05/2018 18:13

LionAll are you new in mn,cause here’s the thing mn isn’t that representative of rl
Mn is were folk swear they can make 12 meals,soup,sandwiches and risotto from £5 chicken
Mn is were everyone swears they don’t bother buying new baby clothes,the hoik something out the charity bin
Everyone dp is top of his work game,but curiously can’t shop/cook/open mail

Luisa27 · 25/05/2018 18:14

... I couldn’t care less Confused

Each to their own ffs

SweetSummerchild · 25/05/2018 18:15

I don’t claim to be ‘extremely busy’ running a household.

I do claim to be extremely contented not having to go to work.

Sometimes, when it’s sunny, I just lie in the garden for an hour enjoying my life.

See the difference?

SandyY2K · 25/05/2018 18:15

apart from the ill and disabled

Strange comment.

If you're ill or disabled that can affect your ability to hold down a job or even to get a job, so of course this thread wouldn't apply to them.

I've had to dismiss employees for excessive sickness as a result of their disability. They tried to work, but their level of absence was unsustainable.

It's really upsetting to know that they wanted to work and tried to do so for as long as possible.

Equally we've had disabled applicants...whose did well in the interview...but following our occupational health pre employment assessment ...the adjustments they needed to do the job were unreasonable.

Bekstar · 25/05/2018 18:16

I'm a SAHM due to disability, but I worked and we live of mainly savings that came from work. I look after My DS and DN. My. Mum was a SAHM while my dad worked Al day every day because he didn't agree with wives been the breadwinners it meant we didn't see a lot of dad and grew to resent him. We now get on better that he has retired but when we were kids he was just that scarey bloke who came home from working away every few month, avoided us, slept a lot then went away again. Mum was the the one taught us everything. Although she was a SAHM she was an active volunteer in community and ran most community fetes, Christmas parties etc. So she was hardly lazing around. I worked 40 hour weeks until I my accidemt but I always provided for my child even now when I'm a stay at home mum. My earnings, savings and pension are what keeps the house afloat. Hubby is my carer and gave up work as a chef to look at me. He doesn't get paid for it, we both live off our savings. So been a stay at home mum has nothing to do with who if providing for kids etc.

LionAllMessy · 25/05/2018 18:16

Lol Lipstick, I'm not even saying you're wrong to do what you do, just that it's unusual, and for some reason you just can't bare to admit it! Bizarre.

Luisa27 · 25/05/2018 18:16

PS I’m with you GothMummy 👌

LionAllMessy · 25/05/2018 18:18

can't *bear

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 25/05/2018 18:18

What’s bizzare is you trying to make me say,ok games up
If mn says they don’t do it well there it is

Luisa27 · 25/05/2018 18:18

Oh bravo Housequeen!!!

Very well said! Smile

MaisyPops · 25/05/2018 18:18

What if they don't say they're busy, they just say they didn't like their job and prefer relaxing, taking art classes and doing pilates?
I'd still probably not have a huge amount in common but wouldn't find it anywhere near as smug and self-indulgent as some of the twaddle I've heard from some SAHW.

Like i say, I have no issue with people's personal choices. That's up to them. Just I'd probably have more in common to form a friendship with someone who works/has caring responsibilities/does lots of volunteering than someone who potters about filling their time with hobbies and chill time.

roundaboutthetown · 25/05/2018 18:21

It's interesting how many people buy into the Communist notion that everyone should be a "worker." Hello, Comrade Lipstick! GrinWink

LionAllMessy · 25/05/2018 18:23

What’s bizzare is you trying to make me say,ok games up

That's not bizarre. Everyone in my social milleu does it.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 25/05/2018 18:25

Everyone you know resplies to me on mn?
How highly unusual

SandyY2K · 25/05/2018 18:28

Couples can (and should) make whatever choice is right for them. It shouldn't be surprising that not everyone holds the same view.

Exactly.

It's just a different view. All this nonsense about it's not your business. Nobody is knocking on your door telling you to go to work.

That one holds a view on SAHWs in general...is not a personal judgement against you as an individual.

Like I said upthread.... some mums would not use a nursery or childminder. I used both... I don't feel judged by their comments...it's their opinion.

I don't have to like their opinion, but they've every right to express it.

It just looks like some pp have gone into super defensive mode and when I see such defensiveness...it's usually because it's touched a nerve.

dragonara53 · 25/05/2018 18:30

I am a middle aged housewife, I was a sahm for a fair few years then I went out to work for a few years part time. I then got a full time job and the pressure from management have me a mental breakdown. I walked out of the job and became a housewife. I cook, clean, do laundry, make appointments and look after our cats. My days are full. If anyone decided to look down on me and think I was useless then all I can say is stick your patronising fucking head up your arse and leave it there. Being a housewife does not mean a woman is stupid or dumb. My god there are some arseholes on this site.

NerrSnerr · 25/05/2018 18:32

Each to their own. If we could afford it we would do it (although I have small children so would be a SAHM first). I like my job but would rather be doing other stuff. My husband enjoys his job. If when we win the premium bonds we've always said that I'll give up my job and he'll stay working as that's what we'd prefer.

roundaboutthetown · 25/05/2018 18:33

We live in a relatively free society, thank God. Accordingly, there is always going to be a variety of opinions on any subject. I judge people as individuals, meaning I wouldn't have an opinion on their SAHW status one way or the other before I got to know them. I certainly don't think being a SAHW precludes you from being a worthwhile human being!!

GreyToGreen · 25/05/2018 18:35

Maisypops
The thing that strikes me about stay at home spouces is they are simultaneously so busy doing 'household admin' basic adulting so can't be considered lazy, but also love filling their days with hobbies, but that's not self indulgent because they have a house to run. It's all a bit black is white and white is black. Then if all else fails, claim anyone who has a different view must be jealous of your amazing lifestyle (which is so awesome because of the hobbies, but remember running the house is also a full time job which is as difficuly as a full time job)

I’m a SAHW but I don’t recognise this at all and I can’t think of any of my friends who are SAHW who would fit this description either. Are you sure you haven’t just it made up to back up your view point?

spontaneousgiventime · 25/05/2018 18:35

I've had a lovely day in my 1950's attire flicking a duster around and doing the 'shake and vac'.

Personally I couldn't give a shiny shit about those who judge me, I had reasons for being a SAHW then SAHM and have benefited massively from it. I do wish I had time to laze around though.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 25/05/2018 18:36

I can’t fathom this who’s business is it?naebody,that’s who
What?folk express opinions about everything,and the op actively sought opinion
Here’s the thing people hold a range of POV and they’ll express it with varying degrees of vigour
If someone express a contrary POV to your situation makes you crumple and be plagued with woe and self doubt,you need to work on that
No ones going to turn up at your door demanding you immediately give up the long dog walks ,ponies,pub,spa,yoga, craft and other enriching activities that wage slaves can’t undertake

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