Whats you opinion of "stay at home wives"

[strawberryperogi]

After reading another thread about SAHMs I am curious about what people would say about SAHWs, I know you will all say it should just be unemployed but if the person isn't looking for a job then are they really in that catagory?

Could you respect or be friends with a woman who didn't work and earn or at least look after her children?

Just curious!

Must be the company you keep. Nobody with all their faculties would berate someone they meet through an encounter or socialise with. That you've met hundreds of women who berate you... that's 100s who reprimand you, admonish you, tell you off for not working. Common.

A head tilt is not berating BTW

Me neither Sandy re DD, neither would I would my DS to find a partner that sent him out to work whilst they stayed home doing as they pleased.

It is when its passive aggressive and accompanied by the speech
As i said I simply don’t need to convince you of my experiences,take it or leave it
It’s a Curiously mn phenomena to discount something if you directly haven’t experienced or seen it
Usually goes like this, I don’t know anyone whomhas separate finances. Ergo can’t be so

Reading with interest as this is about to become my life (for a while anyway).
We are relocating and Ive decided not to work for a while so I suppose I'll be a SAHW - we have no kids. I've had a absolutely awful last few years so since we can afford it and my DH is happy then I see no issue with it. TBH it didn't even dawn on me that I would be judged for it, maybe that is something I need to prepare a response to. No one outside of my DH really knows what a rough time I've had so this tread has definitely made me feel a little nervous about the reaction I might get.

Actually my mother has been a SAHW since she left her last job about 15yrs ago. I was a teenager then. She initially considered finding another job but in the end decided not to. Her and my father are very happy. My father does a job he loves and with v flexible hours/location, they travel a lot and are generally v happy with the set up. They are well off. Not insanely rich but very comfortable and it works for them. I'm sure my husband would support me doing the same if I wanted and we could. And I would support him too. Why not? There is more than 1 way to contribute to a relationship/family/community/society.

People who are married with kids paying separately for what they eat and drink at a restaurant is highly unusual, let's not pretend otherwise.

This book is interesting in the context of this question and what some are saying about the value or work vs not working.

www.amazon.co.uk/Bullshit-Jobs-Theory-David-Graeber/dp/0241263883/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&keywords=bullshit+jobs&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1527265770&sr=1-1

Obviously not all jobs are bs jobs but quite a lot of them are, I certainly did a few in my time. Is a job that doesn't add much if anything really worthy of respect just because its work?

I am shocked at those posters who only see life in terms of ambition and earning capacity and have no respect for those undertaking unpaid domestic and caring chores.

I could never, ever either respect or be friends with somebody like this.

No.lionall, only highly unusual in your social milieu.commonplace with couples I know

I know a couple of career driven men who move around the country for promotion and their wives follow them around doing everything in the home so husband spends all energy on work and chasing promotions. Their wives host events for them and smooth their paths. They seem happy to do this and treat it as a job. Each to their own.

Sorry, but if everyone is saying one thing and you are saying another, it's pretty safe to say you are the one with the "unusual" perspective.

I just wish I was one 😂😂

One last point from me. I hate the way the ‘thou shalt work’ brigade always cover their own nasty arses by including the all-encompassing get-out ‘apart from the ill and dsiabled’. As if that somehow makes them more compassionate and less nasty.

Most of them have no f*cking clue what it’s like to actually be disabled. Most disabled people can work and most disabled people want to work. Finding an employer who will employ them is a separate matter.

If you’re going to demand that all women should work then stop giving yourselves ‘get out of jail free’ cards to loosen your judgy pants.

I haven’t RTFT and am not a SAHW but I wanted to comment. If the couple are happy with the situation and are financially comfortable, what does it matter? Surely it’s a good thing the SAHW is not “taking up” a job that might be needed desperately by someone else who can’t get one in a particular field because someone else is just working for the sake of it. I think it all entirely depends on personal circumstances, doesn’t it?

What has it got to do with anyone else?

People threes days are so quick to judge and give opinions on things that doesn’t in the slightest affect them.

You never know what people’s reasons are.

Who bloody cares? If they’re not sponging off you good luck to them.

ladies that lunch
Why would somebody else’s lifestyle choice affect or offend you?

You do sound more than a little jealous.

I've read that Cameron's so-called "Big society", or in other words, all the local charities, village groups, volunteers, help for older people etc. run on SAHWs, mainly from an earlier generation. So I think they're very important, and as the current generation gets older, with more women staying in work, I'm not sure who will pick up this kind of unpaid work.

It's not for me (unless there was charity work, which I do anyway, alongside my PT job). I'd probably struggle to find something in common with a SAHW who just lunched, gymmed and had her nails painted, as I tend to get on best with people who are trying to do something/effect a change in the world.

I’ve got an incurable neurological condition and I’d love to be able to stay at home. I work because, financially, I absolutely have to. But it means I have zero energy to give to my children by the time the evening/weekend comes around. I work so that we can live, but it takes a huge toll on me and my health.

I haven't read all 26 pages of this but gather there's a lot of condemnation. How lovely of you all. Typical Mumsnet.

I do know someone who's in this category. She hasn't worked since raising her adult children and guess what judgy Mumsnetters, she's lost her confidence. She's also made international moves because of her husband's job, so it would've been difficult to sustain a job anyway - he's an incredibly high earner so obviously that made the most financial sense.

She's got huge amounts of talent, it's a waste in my mind as nobody gets to see it bar friends, but I won't judge her for that. It's difficult getting back into work. My daughter is going to school in September and I'll be getting back into earning again and it's scary. I'm not going to judge anyone who avoids it, especially if financially they don't need to.

Is this a real question ? Given the potential permutations of circumstances and personality then the answer for everyone has to be yes

I am shocked at those posters who only see life in terms of ambition and earning capacity and have no respect for those undertaking unpaid domestic and caring chores
It's not about someone's earning capacity.
It's about opting to live a lifestyle of leisure funded by someone else. Don't get me wrong, if it suits the couple then they can do whatever they like, but I'm unlikely to have very much in common with someone who claims they are horribly busy because they have art class, then pilates, then some household admin.

Equally, I'm unlikely to have very much in common with someone who actually believes they are super busy because they are 'running a household' just like every other adult on earth.

The thing that strikes me about stay at home spouces is they are simultaneously so busy doing 'household admin' basic adulting so can't be considered lazy, but also love filling their days with hobbies, but that's not self indulgent because they have a house to run. It's all a bit black is white and white is black. Then if all else fails, claim anyone who has a different view must be jealous of your amazing lifestyle (which is so awesome because of the hobbies, but remember running the house is also a full time job which is as difficuly as a full time job).

Couples can (and should) make whatever choice is right for them. It shouldn't be surprising that not everyone holds the same view.

You know what women should be encouraged to express opinion
Even if someone else finds its unpalatable or judgy, they have a right to recourse too
But discussion can’t be parked because some of you find it judgey

No lion all.you see there is not everyone saying highly unusual.
in my social circle it’s unremarkable and commonplace
Your everyone is your experience,drawn from your social milieu

Why judge. It is individual choice and circumstances. Sometimes I feel that some of the women here in sunny Padstow on Thames should get out more but that's down to their attitude and narrow minded bitchiness rather than lack of employment.

Oh I would love to be a SAHW (my kids are school age). I would decorate the house, ride my horses, paint, draw, sew, read and cook delicious meals. I would have a very full day and I would not be lonely.