Whats you opinion of "stay at home wives"

[strawberryperogi]

After reading another thread about SAHMs I am curious about what people would say about SAHWs, I know you will all say it should just be unemployed but if the person isn't looking for a job then are they really in that catagory?

Could you respect or be friends with a woman who didn't work and earn or at least look after her children?

Just curious!

No man has ever asked me justify why I work, ever. Been berated by women
How many times have I been asked in RL?honestly hundreds
Usually In the situation of encountering new or unfamiliar women or sometimes socially

As a few PPs have suggested, we often don’t know the real reasons for people not working. Sometimes people pass as SAHW who would otherwise be considered ‘on the sick’ or whatever, but prefer to be seen in this way, because they can. I had severe mental health problems when I was younger, and struggle as soon as I become slightly overloaded. I gave up my job to be a SAHM, not because I really wanted to, but because I couldn’t cope with part-time work and children. I’ll probably never work full-time, but most people who know me now (neighbours, friends where we live etc), don’t know my reasoning for this. To them, I chose to be SAHM and will be choosing to work p/t, but really, I’d love to be working.

I dont care to be honest. I suppose i might roll my eyes if they, like my retired friends who like to holiday, then started moaning about being too busy to sort out their car or home.

Whilst I’m a little bit envious of anyone who doesn’t HAVE to work, I do think that SAHWs are in a very financially vulnerable position. Unless they have an independent source of income of course. I wouldn’t want to be financially reliant on anyone if I had the choice.

If I was rich and didn't need to work I would love to stay at home. I would take up interesting pastimes and voluntary work duties however.

Being a stay at home wife is most definite not akin to prostitution and it really is admissible to claim it is.

As Camomila said upthread, there are many housewives who, quietly, give to their families and communities. They are often the unsung heroines of the social group they belong to, the adjustment variable without whom other, more visible, people’s lives would fall apart.

I'm curious that so many people are describing SAHWs as being lazy. My husband works, I don't have a job and, as I detailed in an earlier post, I have minimal responsibilities - kids are adults, parents are still independent, I have a cleaner and a gardener etc. Basically I can do what I like with my time without it impacting on anyone else at all. As it is I'm really into sports and dedicate a lot of my time to them. I don't compete in events and I do it for any purpose other than fun, fitness and personal satisfaction. However, I'm struggling to see how anyone could describe me as 'lazy' when I'm physically so active. I don't won't list my sports but it's things like fell walking. 💁🏻‍♀️

Grey - you don’t sound lazy but some might think you are self-indulgent. I think people can do what they like providing they are careful not to harm others or the planet. Providing good terms of employment to others (cleaner, gardener) is very worthy.

grey

It sounds great - enjoy it.

You have hobbies.outdoorsy hobbies.whilst your dh solely earns the money that pays the gardener,cleaner etc
Being busy with hobbies in itself isn’t a laudable thing.its simply not

I can do what I like with my time without it impacting on anyone else at all are you really satisfied with that? You say you have no impact?

RL isn't as black and white. Couples do what works best for them at the time. I know couples where the man has stayed at H whilst wife is higher earner and never returned to work because they like pottering and doing charity work. Wives that have done the same. Lots of wives have supported husbands through periods of redundancy/Ill health/ retraining (seems to happen quite a lot) and have sah once their husbands could afford that because that’s what they prefer.I know lots of men who have been main earner yet retire much earlier than their wives, whilst they continue to either work PT for leisure or voluntarily. Stuff happens, you get through it and support each other, you elan on each other, you’re a unit. That’s a marriage and over the course of a life time things tend to even out. What’s the point of being married if neither party can trust the other has taken their vows seriously.

I don’t work. My dh earns enough to support us both. However if he couldn’t I would be on disability benefits. Some people judge me thinking I’m lazy. I’m not. This morning I’m waiting for my SIL to come & get me out of bed (dh is away) after she’s done the school run. She’ll help me downstairs & then leave me to it.

Sometimes I’m fine sometimes not. Who’d employ me? No one. Would I rather be healthy & working - of course I would. I used to be a family lawyer. I used to have a secretary. I used to be a person not a disabled non entity. Threads like this make me feel more & more worthless.

I’ve a friend who I’ve spent years trying to get to leave her abusive dh. He’s never allowed her to work. Most people wouldn’t know that so they judge her. I guessed because I’d dealt with mainly domestic violence.

No one knows what goes on behind closed doors. You may judge & be isolating that person even more.

Having a physical hobby doesn't mean a person can't be classed as lazy

Not working whilst a spouse has too, having a gardener and cleaner despite having no job so plenty of time most would describe as lazy and self indulgent.

I am a bit bemused that people feel so entitled to judge. I have been a SAHM/W for over a decade. It works out best for our family. That's it. I don't think I was a better more 'productive' person when I was in paid employment. Money is not the only thing that validates work or indeed a person. Although before anyone says it, yes, we can afford it.

It is really counterproductive to devalue and stigmatise women who do this. It is this that means there is a certain truth to the expression 'burning your bridges' over this choice. If staying at home to look after a family were valued by society if/when a woman did want to return to work the transition would be much easier.

adult partner ?? 😲😲😂😂

I've heard it all now!
I'd sooner hang out with someone who's "lazy and self-indulgent" (your words, not mine) than someone who's work obsessed and judgemental.

I know a woman who exactly fits this description.
She's a writer who never writes but who talks endlessly about
the novel she's not writing.

So: lazy. And embarrassing for everyone who knows her.

Some husbands, in particular those with very demanding jobs, like to have a wife who manages a home to a very high standard and takes great care of herself and of him so that he can rest when not at work and use her as a sounding board and intellectual support system. It really is up to the couple concerned if that is the deal in their marriage. It’s a very tough role for women.

Ah but here the rub the unwaged partner needs the so called wage slave to finance the doing nowt
So as much as there’s a derision about capitalism and working,it’s required to facilitate the sah adult
Example given was one partner needed to work whilst the other gets to chill out

Some waged partners just can’t do their job without the emotional/intellectual/physical/logistical support of their intimate partner.

Not working whilst a spouse has too, having a gardener and cleaner despite having no job so plenty of time most would describe as lazy and self indulgent.

This is another accusation that I reckon would only be levied at women. Why the hell wouldn’t you have a cleaner or gardener if you could and you didn’t like doing either of those things? It’s not lazy it’s just paying for a service

Its a very tough role for women

Yes, I'm sure not working, having everything handed to you at the hard work of someone else and having to do a bit of cleaning is awfully hard. Poor dears.

I think we all have a moral duty to employ others, with good working conditions, if we can afford to do so.

Some waged partners just can’t do their job without the emotional/intellectual/physical/logistical support of their intimate partner

Then they either need to change jobs of stop being a man child. How ridiculous.

An adult capable of being competent in work can problem solve domestic chores and correspondence
It’s oft touted in mn,the whizzy busy dp who can’t buy clothes,open mail,sort dry cleaning. Needs another adult for this

Some jobs are very difficult, Boxsets.