Whats you opinion of "stay at home wives"

[strawberryperogi]

After reading another thread about SAHMs I am curious about what people would say about SAHWs, I know you will all say it should just be unemployed but if the person isn't looking for a job then are they really in that catagory?

Could you respect or be friends with a woman who didn't work and earn or at least look after her children?

Just curious!

I'm talking about people supported by partners who don't have responsibilities at home (children, elderly relatives, etc)

Funny that,

I was divorced In the first six months -due to abuse during pregnancy - so single mum, worked and took care of my aging parents while doing it.

Everyone is doing the best they can. You may too find yourself in that situation one day. Stop fucking judging.

@LipstickHandbagCoffee you're quite funny... I actually think we could be friends ( I'm a WAHM and don't support Nazis )

@LipstickHandbagCoffee I did have to google prosaic though

Errrr only if I can call you sherry

@LipstickHandbagCoffee I would be honoured

Settled then

Men never criticise other blokes this much. It saddens me that women do.

I assure you, men do. Many men would criticize a man who sat on his arse at home, doing nothing, while his wife worked.

I don't include looking after small children in that "doing nothing", by the way, or suffering from poor health.

Whenever there is a thread along the lines of "What do you think about SAHM / SAHW" on AIBU, the thread takes off.

The fact that so many working women feel the need to take a view on a lifestyle that is not theirs (often expressed as faux concern), points to the deeply-rooted insecurity that many women still struggle with in terms their decision to work. It's a guilt men have never had to deal with.

If there was a thread about SAHD on a men's forum, ther would be hardly any responses as most men simply don't factor this option in to their lives. They don't grow up with the expectation of this role so the few men who do become SAHDs do not provoke insecurity among other men.

Of course it works the other way too. SAHMs who can't get their head around children who spend their formative years in daycare - obviously this is interpreted as an insult to those who have to use childcare. SAHWs who feel the need to justify their existence. Its such a highly provocative subject for women in a way that it never has been for men and probably reflects the fact that although these days, many households require two incomes to survive, attitudes towards women's roles are more far deeply ingrained in our psyche than we like to think.

Good for them I say!

Same for a Sahd aswell.
If you can do it and want to do it.

With chips or without?

If there was a thread about SAHD on a men's forum, ther would be hardly any responses as most men simply don't factor this option in to their lives. They don't grow up with the expectation of this role so the few men who do become SAHDs do not provoke insecurity among other men

Stay at home PARENTS are different to stay at home WIVES/HUSBANDS.
I love how any thread about the latter ends up with people who are SAHW trying to pull SAHP into it.

If a man opted to stay at home and have his wife look after him and fund his hobbies, of course he isn't going to create insecurity in other men because most likely other men would be looking at him thinking 'what the hell are you doing lounging around having me time whilst your wife works?'.

Gender roles are powerful.
That's why people are quick to criticise men living off women and call them cocklodgers the second man does something the working wife doesn't like, whilst also being of the view that being a stay at home wife is a wonderful thing for lucky women who can run their home, follow hobbies etc because a man is looking after them.

So taking money off a man instead of the state is fine. You're more worthy than someone else because you found a man with a better job?

No more and no less worthy.
Do you never actually talk to people and find out a bit about them before making such sweeping generalisations? I can assure you that if I should ever become a sahw (unlikely although I am a sahm to school age children atm) I'd be a whole lot more interesting to talk to than many of the working people I know.

I think men do judge but the fact is that men generally have a far better work ethic. Basically, because they don't have much choice given how many women feel it's their right not to work and that their husband should provide for their every need. With so many still subscribing to this and it being a role model for children we still have the example of men work and women don't.

I'd judge a man not working just as much as a woman, it is lazy regardless of the usual spin of I keep the house etc. I can't imagine watching a partner go off to work every day to ensure we had a home, food etc and doing nothing to help. Very different to short term job loss.

You do have to wonder why working partners put up with it, maybe it's a status thing or maybe they just like having a housekeeper and sex on tap.

but the fact is that men generally have a far better work ethic.

bollocks. Ive know as many men swing the lead as women. Lazy fuckers are lazy fuckers regardless of sex.

The reason men love the arrangement is that they get to persue their careers as if they’d never had kids when they have a wife at home doing all the grunt work. They are able to stay late, start early, leave at short notice for a work trip abroad, and generally get on with scaling the corporate ladder unhindered because they are facilitated by a woman at home. They don’t have to compromise anything do they? They don’t have to look bad at not being able to stay for that meeting with the USA team because they have to pick the kids up. They don’t need to do sick days or holiday care. They just sail through, and think gosh where are all the women in the top positions, oh I know, they mustn’t be capable.

Of course men don’t care. They’re too busy climbing the ladder at work and coming home to a clean house and sex on tap.

Would the following eulogy be any better?"She was really supportive of her boss and kept his diary in order and his desk tidy. She was the life and soul of the office. She liked her colleagues. The end."

This is so mysogynistic. Women can be more than men's personal assistants you know. It's not either care for a man at home or care for one at work. We are capable of being equals.

But back in the real world, most jobs, both female and male, could be described in similar terms. There's far more clerical/manual workers than high flying executives.

Wouldn't give it a second thought. But then I don't judge friends by how much money they earn or whether they are efficient worker drones

I know a sahm who doesn't work cos she's wealthy. Am I allowed to be mates with her?

but the fact is that men generally have a far better work ethic no,def no
Simply men have different social pressure that influence available choices
And for some women there is ability to be unwaged and financially dependent upon partner
It’s available to men too,but for plethora of reasons the uptake of sah is considerably less

I love the way a SAHW can simultaneously be described as sitting on her arse all day doing nothing and being a housekeeper, BoxsetsAndPopcorn. What about a person whose job is as a housekeeper? Are they not a proper working person, but someone who sits on their arse all day expecting to be paid for it? That seems a bit offensive to people who are paid to do what other working people have decided they are too busy to do. Maybe we should all despise wealthy working people, too, who pay other people to do the sitting on your arse work for them, because they are too lazy to do it themselves?

People make assumptions about SAHW, assuming the husband 'supports' the wife. When we married I sold my mortgage free house, and put that and my savings into the pot. We share everything because we are husband and wife. Neither of us is a prostitute.

Exactly - so I say make hay whilst the sun shines or chill out whilst your husband works

The premise of thread is Unwaged women financially dependent on partner
Of course some women are financially solvent & independent,it’s a minority though

@LipstickHandbagCoffee

No man has ever asked me justify why I work, ever. Been berated by women

How many women have asked you that IRL?

It's not something I would ever ask anyone, even though it's not for me.

People should be allowed to live their lives without being negatively judged by others

Who is stopping them living life as they choose?

There seems to be a difficulty on MN in understanding the difference in having an opinion Vs judging.

I see it on so many threads.

You can have an opinion without judging. People are entitled to an opinion on a people's lifestyle choices. Their opinion shouldn't impact on the person continuing with that lifestyle.

I have an opinion on people in open marriages, I have an opinion on some aspects of certain religions .... that does not equate to judging. Nor does it mean I would treat them any different to anybody else.

An opinion being negative does not constitute judgement.

chill out whilst your husband works really? That reads shallow and avaracious

I'm just jealous of people who don't have to work! I am a member of a local cycling group and most of their rides take place in the day time on weekdays (they do a few at weekends too). Who are all these people who don't need to work for a living? Some are retired or I guess semi-retired/part-time in say their early 60s, but they're not all in that age group by a long way.