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Original poster

Whats you opinion of "stay at home wives"

986 replies

strawberryperogi · 24/05/2018 17:10

After reading another thread about SAHMs I am curious about what people would say about SAHWs, I know you will all say it should just be unemployed but if the person isn't looking for a job then are they really in that catagory?

Could you respect or be friends with a woman who didn't work and earn or at least look after her children?

Just curious!

OP posts:
LipstickHandbagCoffee · 24/05/2018 22:35

No man has ever asked me justify why I work, ever. Been berated by women

LionAllMessy · 24/05/2018 22:36

Honestly CountFosco you've misread my posts so dramatically and made so many bizarre and wrong assumptions that I don't even know where to start.

spontaneousgiventime · 24/05/2018 22:36

boomboom12 Thank you. I will never work now, I'm retired and have savings. The world of work is something I don't (thankfully) have to worry about.

paisleyblue · 24/05/2018 22:36

Agree with @PastBananas

spontaneousgiventime · 24/05/2018 22:38

PastBananas I couldn't agree with you more.

RedDwarves · 24/05/2018 22:38

Could you respect or be friends with a woman who didn't work and earn or at least look after her children?

No.

And I'm not being facetious.

boomboom12 · 24/05/2018 22:38

spontaneousgiventime Enjoy! 😁

spontaneousgiventime · 24/05/2018 22:39

boomboom12 Flowers

herethereandeverywhere · 24/05/2018 22:44

paisleyblue I'd agree these threads rarely end well.....

Men never criticise other blokes this much. It saddens me that women do.

But equally men are almost always not in the same position as women regarding balancing career/job and parenthood, are they?

How many men would have described their work/family life as you did: "I do love my job though. Ultimately I love my kids more and it's all about balance. I work 4 days a week, I use a childminder and wrap around childcare."

How many men are asked "but how will you manage your high powered job/career now that you are expecting a child?"

The issue is disproportionally female so the opinions/judgment/infighting are also that. It's not because women are judgy, it's because we're the only ones bearing the judgment and need to respond accordingly.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 24/05/2018 22:49

Women are Judgy on this topic, this topic. It’s a mn perennial

Fintress · 24/05/2018 22:55

@GreytoGreen

My DH is retiring next year on his 55th birthday so neither of us will be doing anything particularly constructive. We plan on enjoying ourselves doing lots of sport and traveling. Then we can both be wasters together

Sounds fantastic, enjoy. Hopefully our similar plan will work out equally as good.

paisleyblue · 24/05/2018 22:57

But equally men are almost always not in the same position as women regarding balancing career/job and parenthood, are they?

Very good point. I'd like to think there has been some societal shift over the past few decades. There's still a long way to go to reaching equality/equity, don't get me wrong but society has seen some progression.

Sadly, I think a lot of the male/female divide is entrenched from childhood. Even if a woman works it's expected that she picks up the rest of the slack too re kids and home. So it's that that needs to be addressed imo.

SantaClauseMightWork · 24/05/2018 23:00

Corners upon both sides and what their agreement or deal is. If it was plnned between them and if this is what works for them, not a problem for me.
I know at least one marriage which broke as the wife didn't really want to work and the husband started resenting it. She broke the deal they had.
Those saying that a man in such circumstances would be called a cocklodger on Mumsnet, should look at it closely. Women in these situations didn't break the deal. Men did.
So basically, it is all up to what you like and prefer. Not anyone else's business.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 24/05/2018 23:01

It’s only entrenched if one choses to perpetrate & reinforce gender roles childcare isn’t women’s sole responsibility ,and it doesn’t need to be women who give things up

PoisonousSmurf · 24/05/2018 23:01

My mum never worked all her life because she was bi-polar and aggrophobic. But this was back in the 70s, 80s and 90s. No one batted an eyelid at women who didn't work back then.
We are all ridiculous these days about what people at 'worth' and how 'productive' they are.
Who cares?

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 24/05/2018 23:06

Relationship Deals as you call them aren’t always fixed or irrefutable
People can and do change their minds,adult choices can be fluid
In a relationship it’s not solely what an Individual wants or likes,there’s a mutual cooperation
And if one adult has a partner who refuses to work that’s problematic

paisleyblue · 24/05/2018 23:14

It’s only entrenched if one choses to perpetrate & reinforce gender roles childcare isn’t women’s sole responsibility ,and it doesn’t need to be women who give things up

Spot on Lipstick. I think it's hard to adopt a different mindset on an individual basis when the current practice seems to be yes women can work but they still have to pick up the same slack that they would have if they didn't work iyswim.

I'm not explaining my point well, but what I'm trying to say is it's evident that the mindset of 'traditional roles' still exists when you can read vast numbers of threads on here where women complain that they do more than 50% of childcare and housework than their male counterparts even though they too do paid work for a living.

Often it's because the male in this situation doesn't 'see' the inequality in the relationship because his mindset hasn't altered. How many threads are there were women complain that their partner does a particular hobby that leaves the woman left holding the baby as it were? Changing the mindset of what individuals view as 'traditional' is the challenge I think even though society in the workplace has adapted (men now get paid paternity leave, shared parental leave and flexitime is available to both sexes).

BustopherJones · 24/05/2018 23:15

Work either brings fulfilment or necessary income. If it doesn’t provide either then why do it?

I work in the arts so know a lot of people who find creative fulfilment in work that pays hardly anything. Some also have a money job that they would drop at the first chance, some are incredibly frugal so they can spend as much time as possible on their art. Others have partners who make the bulk of the money. The ones with partners are mainly with people who happen to be fulfilled by work that people pay a lot for.

If you find fulfilment or enjoyment l in your job, that’s brilliant, but if you don’t, and you can afford not to do it, wouldn’t you give it up?

Sallystyle · 24/05/2018 23:15

I don't understand how the men (because it usually is men) don't feel pissed off that they are spending hours at work whilst their wife gets to stay at home and doesn't have to worry about earning money. I think I would soon resent that.

My husband does actually stay at home currently due to being unwell and that is sometimes difficult enough. If he chose to not work when he was completely able to it would not end well. We do have children

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 24/05/2018 23:17

Who funds the giving up job lifestyle? Does that fall to the adult partner to shoulder that

paisleyblue · 24/05/2018 23:17

On another note how many men choose to be stay at home husbands so their wives can build up a business from scratch or get ahead in their careers? But there have been many progressive enhancements in the workplace itself to enable men to spend more time in the home but they choose not to due to their view of traditional roles. I think it's too hard to adjust that mindset because it's deeply entrenched from childhood.

spontaneousgiventime · 24/05/2018 23:21

U2HasTheEdge Before we got married this was one of many subjects we discussed. DH said he would like me to stay at home, he gave his reasons why, they were all to do with him building the business, and how it would help if I did stay at home. He also said if I chose to go to work he would 100% support that decision. He was always relieved I stayed at home, never once resentful - ever.

boomboom12 · 24/05/2018 23:21

I know this is probably a bad thing to say but I really wouldn’t be happy to go out to work & have my husband be a SAHH.

Fintress · 24/05/2018 23:21

Who funds the giving up job lifestyle? Does that fall to the adult partner to shoulder that

Not everyone that chooses to stay at home needs to be funded by someone. Individuals can be independently solvent you know.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 24/05/2018 23:27

I do know,but it is minority. in most cases an unwaged woman is supported by male partner
It’s unusual to have independent money,property and have no financial reliance on partner