Whats you opinion of "stay at home wives"

[strawberryperogi]

After reading another thread about SAHMs I am curious about what people would say about SAHWs, I know you will all say it should just be unemployed but if the person isn't looking for a job then are they really in that catagory?

Could you respect or be friends with a woman who didn't work and earn or at least look after her children?

Just curious!

Clearly the scenario isn't relevant to people who WANT to work regardless of their financial situation. It's not that complex is it?

Well except of course that people have already said them not working frees up a job for someone else (presumably a man whose work is always Very Important). Because according to you women only do meaningless jobs apparently (please tell me which jobs you consider meaningless because I can't think of any). And when I pointed out that my job is not meaningless by any stretch of the imagination you accuse me of being egocentric. Remind me, what do you do all day if you don't have children and don't work? And how exactly is that so meaningful and important to society that you can look down on women who work?

Grandmaswagsbag

I disagree my DH works 5 days & I work 3. He drops off eldest DC twice a week & works from home probably once a fortnight. I think it’s becoming more & more common. Plenty of our male friends have flexi working or can work from home.

Retirement isn't being a SAHW. You have a pension. You've worked, paid your taxes/NI contributions and now it's time to relax.

boomboom12 Not in my case (genuinely) I did all the finance. When my husband died and eventually all the finances were sorted out they matched to the last penny. He just wanted to build up the business, I did all the family finance.

I can see where people say women can be vulnerable if not working. I could have squirrelled away thousands, he would never have known, I did all of that. (I do appreciate not all women can do this).

Could you respect or be friends with a woman who didn't work and earn or at least look after her children

I couldn't be friends with someone who thinks its their business to judge. What the fuck do I care how people set up their lives?

Sorry spontaneousgiventime I’m not sure what’s that in response too.

boomboom12 Your Solicitor friend.

That model is still not attainable for most people though. I’d love to know the difference in take up of flexi time between men and women, beacause IME it’s still far more acceptable in the workplace for women to take it

I think it's more attainable than most men let on. There are very few men at work who go PT despite pretty much all the women working PT at some point in their career. I have colleagues who have argued that it makes more sense for their higher earning wife to work PT.

DH's experience is that it has had no impact on being offered promotions, I've suffered more discrimination but now the babyboomers (who all had SAHW) have all retired the GenXers are more accepting of women working.

Plenty of our male friends have flexi working or can work from home.

I'd say that this applies to professional roles...especially WFH.

Manual semi skilled or unskilled people would likely have more difficulty with this.

What did surprise me is my child minder (back then), is one of the people who said it. That she couldn't leave her kids with anyone else to go and work.

I can relate to that, working as a nursery nurse pre-DC made me want to be a SAHM.

Oh ok, of course that’s not always the case & people only go to her when it’s acrimonious I guess. But lots of people do change when they divorce. I don’t personally understand why if you can afford it you even bother to fight it & waste £££££s

SandyY2K Completely agree but if we are discussing wife’s who don’t work out of choice their partners are likely to be in professional roles.

All my kids went FT nursery 8-6. Because it suits us,the kids fit in around us
And most parents make decisions based on their individual preferences
So what if someone derives sense of pride in their job, or home decor
It’s no more different than people who take pride in their dog, or pta etc

Yes a lot of it is fear of how they will be viewed at work if they opt for flexi hours I’m sure. Women have just had to put up with potentially being looked down upon at work for years already.

GreyToGreen

Bravo! (-:

boomboom12 I can't speak about divorcing couples but have read enough to suspect it to be true. I just wanted to put it out there that women who are SAHW are not all shafted. To be honest, I've no idea what the stats are, I just felt it was fair to say I did have the opportunity to save money and that I did all family finance.

Perhaps a bit unfair to tag your post, it just seemed relevant.

Your working generates ni, and a service or goods is produced that is then sold on for profit. So you job generates ni and the output of your labour

Very, very little NI. And the ‘service’ is mainly something that MN hates... I’m that awful woman I the school office that wants to know why a child isn’t in school and sends letters saying that below 90% attendance or missing nearly a whole school day through age Ness is unacceptable AND that ‘you owe three weeks worth of dinner money so we won’t be providing full meals for your child until you pay up’.

So no, not a huge contribution to the country’s economy.

And I actually have several friends who are SAHWs. In fact a friend of mine (male) is taking early retirement this year, he is 52 and has no intention whatsoever of working again. His wife still works part time doing something she loves but thinks she will probably stop work herself in a couple of year once the youngest DD has left uni.

I think it’s a generational thing & also depends on your sector. Tech is so much relaxed in that approach, my sibling moved to Spain for a few months & her work actually kept her on, she just assumed they would end her contract (freelance).

I'd struggle to stop the word 'lazy' from popping into my head to be honest.

If you can live with yourself doing it then who am I to criticise though?! Life is too short to live it for anyone else. I'm in the curious position of not needing to work another day in my life and yet choosing to make life infinitely busier and more complicated by persisting with my career. I don't expect medals, plaudits or even understanding. I tried SAHM and it practically gave me mental health issues, I need to be this way. We are not all cut from the same cloth.

Boomboom your friends view will be a bit skewed as that’s only people that are divorcing, so obviously they have been/are intent on acting like dicks to each other by that point anyway. There will be hundreds of thousands of couples where there is a SAHW (or H, they do exist!) that are completely dependent on each other and very happy all their lives with this arrangement. All relationships have some elements of risk involved, it could be emotional or financial.

Buggerof Your job contribute to running school and helps HT to maintain overview of attendance, and submit data to LA. So in fact yes you’re performing a necessary service

These kind of threads don't tend to end well, someone always gets upset or offended.

If I could give up my ridiculous morning and early evening commute I would in a heartbeat but that's a different matter.... I do love my job though. Ultimately I love my kids more and it's all about balance. I work 4 days a week, I use a childminder and wrap around childcare. But I absolutely love weekends when we get to do fun stuff (yes there's always chores to do but that's life) and I can't put a price on the amount of happiness we have when we're all at home or out and about together.

I would like to work towards early retirement because my job is physically draining and I don't think I could sustain that in to my sixties. As I'm single I don't know what that would make me other than retired.

I can't stand all this infighting amongst women, it's a grind. If you enjoy your work then great, if you love pottering around at home, also great, if you have to work out of necessity I hope life is kind to you. There is ultimately more to life than work. Do what makes you happy in life but don't tear others down because they chose a different path (prostitute...?? ).

Men never criticise other blokes this much. It saddens me that women do.

spontaneousgiventime It’s fine, & I agree not every SAHW will be shafted, my own mother certainly wasn’t but it’s defo something to be aware of particularly in this day & age & the current climate where jobs are so competitive & lack of experience can go against you.

The ones that I know are full of themselves and very smug, quite unpleasant individuals who look down on me. I hope they aren't all like that.

OK, here's what I think.

People should be allowed to live their lives without being negatively judged by others.

If someone is in a position to be able to decide whether to stay at home rather than go out to work, then it is nobody's business but hers. There shouldn't be any reason why she can't.

We fought for years for our rights - Women's Lib, Emancipation, Feminism, whatever you want to call it. We've done reasonably well. So let's not slag one another off just because we disagree with someone else's life choice.