Whats you opinion of "stay at home wives"

[strawberryperogi]

After reading another thread about SAHMs I am curious about what people would say about SAHWs, I know you will all say it should just be unemployed but if the person isn't looking for a job then are they really in that catagory?

Could you respect or be friends with a woman who didn't work and earn or at least look after her children?

Just curious!

Each to their own I'd say.

So if this is the case and they want kids one will have to sacrifice their career and become probably partly financially dependent.

This is not inevitable. When we had kids DH and I both reduced to 4 days a week. He then changed job to reduce his commute, he now works locally and does the school run every morning. When our youngest started school we both changed our hours and now we just need one afternoon of childcare a week, one of us picks the kids up after school on the other days. We are both higher rate tax payers working PT and have flexibility for the family but have not sacrificed our careers. I know we are lucky to have skill sets (both in STEM) that are in demand but the more men that ask to go PT after kids the better it will be for all parents. Both having the chance to combine career and family life has got to be preferable to having one wage slave and one financially dependant partner. It increases stability for the children and gives both parents a better balance.

that's my bugbear about threads like this
Same.
Basic house tasks that everyone does getting dressed up as some big chore like running a 4 bed suburban house is soke kind of royal estate.

People can make whatever choice is right for them.
Equally, people tend to form friendships with those they have things in common with.

I'm unlikely to find much in common with someone my age who hasn't worked for 5 years, goes on about how they have admin to do and a house to run and indulges their hobbies every day.
I probably would have a lot more in common with someone who retired early who was heavily involved in the community, volunteering etc so a friendship there would be more likely.

Who’s job is meaningless? Mine isn’t. My husbands certainly isn’t

Good for you. But the vast majority of people aren't that lucky.

And it's not really the point anyway. If you have a meaningful job (aka one that you derive pleasure from doing) then you wouldn't choose not to work in the first place.

Lucky?

We’re not lucky for choosing careers that are rewarding and well paying. We worked hard.

I know somebody who stays at home while her dh works. She is independently well off due to a large inheritance. She potters about the garden, dabbles in antiques and goes on a lot of holidays on her own to far-off locations like Cambodia and the Galapagos Islands.

What about people who take early retirement? Several friends of ours retired around 50.

You can't tar everyone with the same brush, and there's nothing at all wrong with not working if you don't need to, and you are both happy with the situation.

Okay. Good on you, well done!

I know a couple of child free SAHW and my only issue with them is that I'm sometimes a bit jealous!

And the less sad option is to spend 8 hours of your day five days a week doing something meaningless even though you don't need to?

I develop drugs for diseases that have no cure or treatment. There are people reading this thread now who can only read it because of just one of the drugs I have worked on. There are people who need to take their drugs less frequently because we have modified the drugs so they have a longer half life (and if you think that doesn't matter ask a parent whose child has diabetes how they would feel if instead of multiple injections a day their child only needed an injection once a week).

Jesus, some of you lot are egocentric aren't you? Not all jobs are meaningless, obviously. If you take pleasure from your job and it has meaning, that's great, but with all due respect, it's not really relevant to the discussion!

Then why did YOU bring it up?

I’ll be retiring at 50 and immediately prostituting myself to my husband

I would say it's none of my business.

PastBananas
To me early retirement is less financially precarious as (generally) the people retiring have a pension or means of self supporting.

Think about needing pay NI contributions towards pension. Someone opts to be a SAHW from 25 onwards and then they get a divorce at 50. Suddenly they've got no relevanr work experience, are probably limited to entry level jobs, no pension contributions of their own.

It's a huge gamble and not one I would be taking for the sake of doing my hobbies more.
(But I'm saying this having seen countless threads on here where women have given up their independence and sacrificed their security for a man and been shafted later whilst he has his career, pay etc)

Very different to early retirement.

CountFosco There are few if anyone who does not appreciate the work that women do. I certainly do. The point here is about choice, if you are fortunate enough to be able to make the choice not to work.

If I had gone out to work my husband might have been able to build up his business to the point he did but certainly not in the timescale. It would have taken longer because me at home meant all his domesticity was taken care of. Earlier in the thread I said I did everything, and I did. This was all pre internet and direct debits and many of the other 'mod cons'. My eldest child is mid 30's and I was a SAHW for a couple of years before having children.

My role may not have been out of the house but it enabled us to build up a successful business.

LionAll,in your sceanario ones lifestyle is wholly financially dependent on the goodwill of another adult. That goodwill can be removed

In my scenario,I’m not reliant on another adult my lifestyle is self financed and I’m solvent and financially autonomous

Then why did YOU bring it up?

Bring what up? I never mentioned your job. I asked the other poster if working a meaningless job when you don't need to is somehow more worthy than not working and being financially reliant on a partner.

Clearly the scenario isn't relevant to people who WANT to work regardless of their financial situation. It's not that complex is it?

My opinion? ..... I'm super jealous!! I would LOVE to be a SAHM :) maybe when the lottery winnings come in :)

Interesting not sure I understand the thread.
I dont respect anyone for the job they do or the work they do.
I suppose if you do judge people like that though you couldn't respect the person? I guess if your very career orientated it may be hard to understand why someone else isnt.

I have seen some people obsessed with their work, give their blood and life to their job and its well paid but they have no family or social life, see little of their loved ones and I cant help wonder what they are doing it for? I knew one lady from NCT who was so smug and talked about her job level all the time " oh no, not at my job level^ they cant just replace me..sort of thing.

They had both kids in nursery 8 - 6 or something and she used to obsess about her new house and the taps in it - and the this and the that. That to me was bizarre. And how on their salaries they could afford so and so taps. I couldnt connect how they had no feeling that their dc were in nursery for long hours just so they could indulge a tap fetish I can hear it now " Mummy and daddy had to work...you were in a great nursery where you thrived from 2 months and we thrived because we could work hard and buy expensive taps"

I think its different priorities, Dh and I are just not interested in taps etc. We like nice things but we dont strive and yearn for them like that. I think its important to be occupied doing something you adore and are good at - but does that importance trump other things - I m not sure.

Having said that I totally relate to this "Basic house tasks that everyone does getting dressed up as some big chore like running a 4 bed suburban house is soke kind of royal estate"

This is what MIL does, we all clean and run a house with FT work but when she does it - its somehow more hard work when she makes a cake - she is working hard....taking a break from over seeing her cleaner or Gardner

what I think generally though is that we need more happy people in the world, just basic satisfied people and if thats working for the tap or the staying at home...go for it.

a stressed manic society dashing from a to b is not fun.

I think the “model” that CountFosco has described is the one younger people more aspire too. I actually said to DH a while ago that he could potentially consider a sabbatical for a few months & I could support him as he’s supported me through mat leaves & reestablishing my career. I love the idea of us both doing a 4 day week.

There are far too many stupid comments on this thread. SAHW are not prostitutes & working mums do love their kids.

Why is the narrative always that jobs are meaningless? My friends are surgeons, solicitors, GPs, teachers etc who all enjoy their jobs.

It’s sad Because one needs another adult to fund their lifestyle.no personal financial autonomy as has no salary

I feel this way too.

When I see threads of DH/DP has left me for OW... or said he doesnt love me...and the woman is reliant on him and is in panic mode because she doesn't earn and hasn't worked in over 20 odd years...it's very sad.

The lack of income is also why some women don't leave following infidelity.

I think it's naive to expect others not to have a view on it. Having a view doesn't equal judgement.

I had people say they'd never leave their child in nursery or with a childminder to go to work. That's their view....I don't see it as judgement.

What did surprise me is my child minder (back then), is one of the people who said it. That she couldn't leave her kids with anyone else to go and work.

My friend who is a solicitor deals with divorce & she says she has never had one case where the main earner (male or female) hasn’t tried to hide assets etc in order to not pay the fair & correct maintenance.

That model is still not attainable for most people though. I’d love to know the difference in take up of flexi time between men and women, beacause IME it’s still far more acceptable in the workplace for women to take it. Sorting out childcare etc is still seen by many as the woman’s main responsibility despite both partners working. Except of course on MN where everyone and their partner does a completely equal amount of highly paid work, chores and childcare. Sadly this is not a scenive ever encountered IRL.

*scenario I’ve