Whats you opinion of "stay at home wives"

[strawberryperogi]

After reading another thread about SAHMs I am curious about what people would say about SAHWs, I know you will all say it should just be unemployed but if the person isn't looking for a job then are they really in that catagory?

Could you respect or be friends with a woman who didn't work and earn or at least look after her children?

Just curious!

If someone's career is more important to them than their children, that's their choice

Woah there. Slow hand clap for that spectacularly nasty comment delivered with wide eyed faux naivety. Nice one. You must be very proud.

If someone's career is more important to them than their children, that's their choice

Even people who don’t particularly like their jobs work for a reason - to be paid so that they can keep a roof over their children’s heads, feedbthem and clothe them and save for their future.

Very few people have total financial freedom over whether to work or not. Women are trapped sometimes by the fact that an amount equivalent to one wage goes on childcare (of course its paid by both but it’s the same amount out of the family pot) or by needing to pay the mortgage, keep a foot on the ladder and pay pensions etc.
There are also plenty of jobs that it’s very tough to get back into after a break.

My kids are more important than my career but that doesn’t mean the money I earn isn’t important too - i something happened to dh I’d be able to support us. It helps me save for their futures.

People make choices within the confines they have. Neither sahm or wohm is inherently better.

And so you know how many men are agonising over the fact they work and have kids right this second? Zero.

If my OH earned enough for me not to need to work, why would I work? Work is boring! There are many other things I'd rather do with my time!

Exactly. No man gets grief for working. That’s commended as good parent

For a little while I was loosely on the edge of a social circle where working/not working was a genuine topic of enquiry in a social situation - for both men and women - due to rich parents and inherited wealth. This did not apply to me, btw!

Some people had jobs, but found it difficult to knuckle down in the workplace as it was probably always in the back of their mind that they didn't really need to be there.
Some were clearly 'biding their time' with fairly trivial jobs/businesses, but often made poor decisions or wasted opportunities.
Some had found life a lot harder than they anticipated, as the fatal combination of meritocracy in the workplace and high house prices had somehow got in the way of having a life exactly like the one that their parents lived . This was mostly amongst the upper-middle than the true blue-bloods.
Some were lovely, hard working people.
Some were absolute caricatures who would get up late, check their investments, run a couple of errands and then drink themselves daft in the nightspots of West London.

A number of 19th Century and early 20th century novels turn on the question of what you should do if you don't need to work, ever - I think it takes a fairly strong character to carve out a meaningful existence without succumbing to ennui.

Ohh, this thread is about me 😆

My husband works, my kids are adults, I have a cleaner and a gardener. I don’t study and at the moment I don’t even do much charity work.

I used to have a career that I enjoyed very much but many years ago we made a decision to become expats and, at the time, I wasn’t permitted to work in any of the countries we lived in plus I had the kids to look after. When we returned to the UK it didn’t make sense for me to return to work. I’d have had to retrain and my salary would have been a fraction of my husbands earning. I can’t say it’s caused me or my husband any concern at all. Im happy and he’s happy and we both respect each other very much. He knows if there was any need for me to work I would. As it is we don’t see the point. 🤷🏻‍♀️
I positively enjoy not working. I get to do what I want when I want. I love the freedom it gives me and I feel very lucky. I sort of feel like I owe it to my husband to enjoy myself.

I never usually try and justify what I do or pretend I have a life packed full of worthwhile activities. That’s not my scene. Why would I give a shit what other people think😂 I just quietly get on with whatever it is I like doing, which, is generally lots and lots of sport and outdoor activities. I do a fair bit of DIY, car maintenance, decorating and some gardening but I only do the bits I enjoy doing. For the rest of it I’d get someone in. I also meet up with friends and family and travel a lot.

I know my lifestyle wouldn’t suit everyone but it suits me. If I find I get bored in future then I’ll do something about it. Perhaps I’d get a job or perhaps I’d do more charity work. It’s totally up to me what I do.

My DH is retiring next year on his 55th birthday so neither of us will be doing anything particularly constructive. We plan on enjoying ourselves doing lots of sport and traveling. Then we can both be wasters together. 😉

Everyone needs to work out what’s best for their own families and stop stressing over what other people do.

The comment about people who don’t work who are supported by a working partner being prostitues is very offensive, but I guess that was the intention.

No, but I don't respect any person, male or female, who chooses to become financially dependent on their spouse. Independence and personal responsibility are big things to me.

Part of the point of marriage is that you can become dependent on one another. Usually it's impossible to have two parents both working very long hours. So if this is the case and they want kids one will have to sacrifice their career and become probably partly financially dependent. Nothing wrong with that at all. (The working parent is dependent on their partner too to look after the children etc.).

I agree that it's prudent to have contingency plans if the working parent becomes ill. Usually that means good insurance and or the ability to take on financial responsibility. It's also a good idea for most people to maintain some skills just for their own self esteem and sense of purpose.

Full of Jellybeans,

I don't respect any person, male or female, who chooses to become financially dependent on their spouse

My mother is financially dependent on my father - and my father is practically dependent on my mother. They are utterly emotionally dependent on each other.

i agree with you that this is part of the point of their (long and very happy) marriage, as it was part of their parents' very long and happy marriages too.

I personally think each to their own. I'm looking forward to the day the mortgage is paid off then I can have more flexibility in how I spend my time. However I do have children and they will probably be late teens by the time is paid off.

But meh each to their own like I said. Who is anybody to judge?

One thing that always baffles me on threads like this is when people comment on 'sorting admin and finances' for the household. That's the kind of thing that surely doesn't crop up that often - maybe annually in the case of Home insurance or car insurance, road tax that kind of thing. But once you've set up a DD or paid in full it really takes care of itself surely that's my bugbear about threads like this

Greytogreen. I’m bloody jealous!!!

That this is even a question. On a mumsnet thread. In 2018.

Sad to read that some women who are wives and stay at home feel the need to justify themselves and others by saying they do voluntary work/housework etc, or have health issues. LIke it's anyone else's business. And as for the poster who compared stay at home wives to prostitutes...words fail.

Some here (especially that charmer) might like to head over to the 'feminist chat' board.

I was a 'stay at home' expat wife for four years. My husband was offered a job in Washington D.C. and I wanted him to have the opportunity. I spent the time writing two novels and doing art classes. I had the most fantastic time. I did encounter people (regret to say, ALWAYS women) who judged me for not having kids, or not doing voluntary work etc. How can you just enjoy yourself?! You're a woman! You've got to be useful. Justify your existence. Well, fuck that.

Someone said there's never going to be progress unless and until women just stop the fuck judging each other.

So depressing.

I have absolutely no opinion on what anyone does or doesn't do for a living.

I only have opinions on whether they are nice people.

I work PT at the moment but when DS is older I will go back full time and likely will have to work most of my life because I am a low earner and have no partner.

I'm not bitter about it. It's life. I say fair play to those who don't need to work, I certainly wouldn't if I had the choice!

I did encounter people (regret to say, ALWAYS women) who judged me for not having kids, or not doing voluntary work etc. How can you just enjoy yourself?!

Is it wrong to judge people who think they wouldn't be able to enjoy themselves without work?

It must be sad to need a job to give your life a sense of meaning and purpose, surely?

Nisa12 I'm a regular poster on the FWR board. It really does shock me that is 2018 women are judged the way they have been here. Women's rights is about choice, we all have them to make yet if you are a SAHW you're pilloried for it. I wasn't a SAHW long before I became a SAHM around 2 years but hey ho!

Equally it must be sad to need another adult to fund ones leisure and not working status

Equally it must be sad to need another adult to fund ones leisure and not working status

Why is that sad?

I’ve quite a few friends who don’t work and have teenage children with no SN. It wouldn’t float my boat, I love working but they all hve dogs so they meet dog friends, they go to the gym, they cook properly, they are on lots of fundraising committees, PTA, neighbourhood watch and they do lots of lunch and coffee. They’re lovely people who I adore and I couldn’t give a stuff if they work or not

Cocklodger/leech

Or should the female version be cuntlodger?

If someone's career is more important to them than their children, that's their choice

Genuinely the biggest crock of shit I've ever seen on here. Off you fuck.

It’s sad Because one needs another adult to fund their lifestyle.no personal financial autonomy as has no salary

Could you respect or be friends with a woman who didn't work and earn or at least look after her children?

Tbh, I couldn't speak to, let alone be friends with someone who didn't accept me for who I am, irrespective of the choices I've made in life.
I couldn't give a shiney shit what others choose to do, we are all different.

It’s sad Because one needs another adult to fund their lifestyle.no personal financial autonomy as has no salary

And the less sad option is to spend 8 hours of your day five days a week doing something meaningless even though you don't need to?

And the less sad option is to spend 8 hours of your day five days a week doing something meaningless even though you don't need to?

Who’s job is meaningless? Mine isn’t. My husbands certainly isn’t.

That's how I feel.
What do they do 'running a house' that the rest of us don't do?
But I feel the same way about 'household admin'. Surely it's paying bills and other basic stuff.

Exactly. Stuff we all have to do even working full time with children. Bill paying? Direct debits make it easy. It's hardly rocket science.

And can we stop the bullshit about freeing up a job for someone who needs it. That's not how the economy works, there is not a finite and constant number of jobs.

I agree with this. ^^

However most, and I get not you, also bring them up with a strong work ethic if possible. To be self sufficienct, to earn it if they want it, not simply to aim to marry well and have someone else pay for it

Agreed. Work in the home, looking after your house...like everybody else does won't put food in your mouth.... unless you're a paid cleaner or housekeeper.

I would be rather disappointed if this was what my DD ended up doing, because being dependant can leave you vulnerable.

Wow there are some very nasty posters out today.

Or jealous ones .