Whats you opinion of "stay at home wives"

[strawberryperogi]

After reading another thread about SAHMs I am curious about what people would say about SAHWs, I know you will all say it should just be unemployed but if the person isn't looking for a job then are they really in that catagory?

Could you respect or be friends with a woman who didn't work and earn or at least look after her children?

Just curious!

I am a SAHW. I haven't worked since my eldest was born. They're all away from home now and I've no intention of working for a living.

I do however, do a vast amount of voluntary work. Because I couldn't stay in the house all day every day, or be a lady that lunched every day.

I also don't give a toss what anyone else thinks of me.

What’s your point spontaneous,other than to be vexed?
I haven’t actually used the terms prostitute terrible mother who lived on her husbands money.
You’re erroneously linking me to those terms to perhaps imply I used them?
Work ethic? Yes I beIieve seeing a parent work is positive

I took voluntary redundancy from a stressful job and got a massive payout. I didn’t work or look for work for nearly a year. It was bliss. I travelled, worked on my fitness (mental and physical), decorated the house, studied creative writing etc etc. My husband and friends supported me completely and I was able to spend more quality time with them. I then got a new job when I was ready. I would do it again in a heartbeat.

And can we stop the bullshit about freeing up a job for someone who needs it. That's not how the economy works, there is not a finite and constant number of jobs.

Urrr it kinda does. I’m thinking along the line of higher paid skilled jobs but lots of top firms rely on people retiring at 50-55 to make way for younger talent despite the fact they are still excellent at their jobs and fit as fiddles. Infact many people are forced out. Unless you have a very specific sought after skill set, If you are taking a job you don’t particularly want and you don’t need the money either just for the sake of contributing tax and NI then you are blocking someone else from having the opportunity to do that job.

LipstickHandbagCoffee My children all saw me work - in the home! Yes, we could have had a cleaner, gardener all the lovely accoutrements but I didn't want that. I wanted to do it all for my family, my contribution. THAT is my point. While I didn't work outside of the home I worked damned hard in it. However, to you, that makes me less of a person.

I did do voluntary work at the DC school, but my entire time was aimed purely at making my families life the best I could. And I did.

As reasonably well off and middle class, and now as SATM, may I say that I moved and freelanced for many years, paying more than my share of the mortgage until I had DS in my 40s. Now, I am technically financially inactive but... I run two pension funds, a house, and am (unofficially) the go to consultant on all matters relating to IT, finance and succession planning for our company. As well as being travel planner, elderly parent watcher and anything else life slings at me. I am the oil in the machine, without which it would stop working.

Spontaneous You simply must stop attributing false statements to me
However, to you, that makes me less of a person I didn’t say that

It doesn’t add gravitas to your posts to make up stuff

LipstickHandbagCoffee Keep going, people see you. Oh, have the last word too, I'm done with you.

Maslow's hierarchy of needs, innit? As long as your requirements for self-actualisation are met, then crack on.

I do think people need a 'purpose' of some kind, though, whatever that may be to them.

You’re done spontaneous?you mean you’re not going to falsely attribute statements to me

We all bring our children up to be happy. However most, and I get not you, also bring them up with a strong work ethic if possible. To be self sufficienct, to earn it if they want it, not simply to aim to marry well and have someone else pay for it

I would never bring up my children to marry well for money. I never said that. I said I would like them to have the flexibility to earn what they needed but not necessarily work constantly. Lot's of people choose to earn less to enable a less stressful life. Some happen to marry partners who earn enough that they don't need to work and the couple are both happy with that.

I work. I enjoy my job. I would consider myself happy. I earn a high salary, I was brought up poor. There is little joy in it I can assure you, long and hard hours for little money. Worrying about bills. No treats.

That's good you earn a high salary and love your job. I wonder how many others can stay the same? The little joy in long hours and low money is my experience of work and most people i know. Which is why i can't see it as the noble endeavour when it is unnecessary. You're speaking as if we all can earn high and love our jobs.

Being brought up to do the minimum to get buy or hope someone else will pay for your hobbies and travels will lead to disappointment for
most.

I never said hope someone else would pay. i know lots of happy people who work the bare minimum, live frugally then travel/do hobbies.

There is no pride in bringing kids up with little to no work ethic. And it will not lead to happiness for most.

There's no pride in bringing up kids so indoctrinated with capitalism that they cannot feel happy or valued if they are not working for a salary. There's no pride being miserable and making someone else rich. No matter what society tells you.

Each to their own I say. Whether I would respect a SAHW would completely depend on the individual I think. If they were supporting their husband well in a stressful job and contributing to society in some way - I’m thinking volunteering or charity work, looking after neighbours or relatives, keeping a lovely garden etc. I would definitely respect them for that. If they were sitting painting their nails and watching telly all day then less so perhaps. It’s so far removed from my reality (I’ve been in some kind of employment since 13) I can’t imagine what if would be like. I do know a SAHM who doesn’t work at all and she helps a lot at church and is lovely. She always takes time to chat away like she has all the time in the world but I guess she probably does! I sometimes think it’s a good thing that the OH of someone wealthy doesn’t work as it’s freeing up a job for someone who needs it. I know that’s an outrageously old fashioned opinion and the reality doesn’t always stack up.

Why would I have any opinion on this?

Why would you work if you didn't have to.

Seems like capitalism has done a great job of getting everyone to think there is some inherent worth to working just for the sake of it.

There's no pride in bringing up kids so indoctrinated with capitalism that they cannot feel happy or valued if they are not working for a salary. There's no pride being miserable and making someone else rich. No matter what society tells you

This! Thank you!

Funny don’t read many sahw worried in case their dp is indoctrinated with capitalism
In fact it’s capitalism that facilitates sahw, one adult wage being adequate to maintain the other unwaged adult

Bluntness100 I genuinely didn't mean that as a dig. If someone's career is more important to them than their children, that's their choice. Just because it isn't mine doesn't make either right or wrong.

But I appreciate that I've been hugely lucky that my DH is a high earner and a generous one which gave me that choice. And that's what this all boils down to. Choice is a massive privilege to have in life.

Lipstick, adequate being the word. We certainly aren't running around on luxury holidays every five minutes, but there's enough that I don't need to take a job away from someone who needs it more.

Yes and it’s capitalism that enables that choice cocoa by paying large male wage

Working when you are happy and earn well is completely different tho. I'm talking about telling people to work when they don't want to, don't need to and would be miserable. That is capitalism indoctrinating people to feel somehow lesser because they are not 'contributing'. I'm assuming all these husbands are happy. Otherwise they wouldn't say it's okay. If they aren't of course then it's different.

I love being industrious. Being busy. Feeling fulfilled. But I can get that without a (very low) wage slip.

If someone's career is more important to them than their children, that's their choice

Seriously? 🖕🏻

I do think people need a 'purpose' of some kind, though, whatever that may be to them.

I do agree with this. Thinking of my MIL, I actually think it may have been better for her longer term mental health and self esteem if she had needed to work financially. As it was, she didn't need to do anything, so never did, and it has not been good for her or her family.

Personally, I enjoyed part time work but I am currently back on the full time treadmill to build up my pension for a comfy retirement. There are no right and wrongs, people are free to do what they want - as long as they can live with the consequences.

I thought the OP was specifically talking about SAHWs, not SAHMs.

My career isn’t more important than the kids but it’s not pin money either
Having kids doesn’t wholly define or fulfil me,I need to work too
I want to work,I chose it,it suits my personality so hell yea it’s an active choice

No, but I don't respect any person, male or female, who chooses to become financially dependent on their spouse. Independence and personal responsibility are big things to me.

However, there are many reasons it may not be a free choice - illness, a trailing spouse abroad without a work visa, redundancy, caring responsibilities for other family - that's entirely different. If it's an active choice with no extenuating circumstances then yes I would judge any childless adult who was able to work but didn't.

Whats the difference between a sahw and early retirement. I work part time and once the kids are grown up I intend to stay part time or even retire early if we can afford it. I would find all sorts of things to fill my day with. Dh intends to as well.
Would it be ok for him but not for me as he has always been the bigger earner? Would that make me a kept woman?

What if you are very rich and don’t need to work? Is it not better to leave the job market open to others that need it and instead do volunteer work and give back to the community? Or even just enjoy spending your money, which puts money into the economy, keeps businesses such as restaurants, luxury goods services etc afloat. Surely that’s more altruistic than working in a job you don’t need to do?