To not move my DD's party

[TheMonkeyMummy]

I have four children, 9,7,4 and 3. My DD turns 8 next week and is having her party on Saturday afternoon. It has been planned for over 8 months. We always host our own parties in the village hall, and my daughter has chosen a unicorn theme with lots of arts and crafts, for 20 of her girl friends. There has a lot of prep and planning gone into this on my part, three grandparents are travelling a considerable distance to help out and she is incredibly excited.

Another boy in her class is also having a party, at a venue 30 mins away. The mother and I spoke on May 14th, (we are friendly enough to say hi when our paths cross but not enough to go for a cuppa together). We realised the parties had a slight time overlap (we weren't invited to each other's parties) but as it would only affected a few children, I didn't think it was an issue and she didn't say anything. Both of our invitations went out the next day, as planned.

Today, with less than 46 hours to go, I have just received the following text from the other mum.

Hello MonkeyMummy, hope all is going smoothly with DD’s party planning. Unfortunately we’ve had a little hiccup with DS: I’ve heard from 5 mums this week who initially accepted but have now said their girls cannot come or will leave DS’s party early so they aren’t too late for your DD’s. Is there any way you can make the start time a bit later, say by 30 mins? I booked a 2 hour slot for the party which I tried to make earlier, but at this stage cannot change as there is no more availability. The only other available slot would actually be in conflict with your DD’s party. There’re 2 animators involved so I’m not able to be that flexible. I just think it’d be great if the girls could attend both parties & the parents would not have to rush between the two events. Please let me know if there’s anything you can do to make things easier for everyone. Many thanks!

I am working that morning, DS2 has a party straight after lunch and I don't really want a party to end later than 6, as I have to tidy up and I have a 3 year old who will start to be getting tired and clingy (only wants me, no one else). Plus we have friends driving over an hour to join us so said we would BBQ after the party, they will start that at home while I clean.

And if I am honest, I am a more than a little gobsmacked that she has even asked me to do this, esp with such short notice.

AIBU to say no?

*daresnt!

TheMonkeyMummy. Really set things on fire by going the whole hog and telling her the 2019 invitations have already been issued.

🤣🤣🤣

I wouldn't tell her the time of the next party tbh - i wouldn't put it past her not to book her party for the same time or something else spiteful

Tell her the wrong the date and time to screw her over

Well she is a cheeky fucker after all, isn't she.
You said you would delay the good stuff until the people doing both parties arrived, so they don't miss out too much, leaving them with the OPTION (note: it is entirely up to them when they leave!) to stay til the end of her DS's party without missing too much of your DD's activities and she wasn't satisfied with that?
Fuck OFF.
She can't control people like that and she'd better learn that sharpish! If people choose to leave her party for yours early, that is their prerogative! If they choose to stay at hers and be late for yours, that is ALSO their prerogative - she doesn't get to dictate!

Grr. Really cross now.
I do hope you do just book your DD's party for next year and let her know the date and time so she can work round it, or not, as she chooses. Not your circus now.

Agree with @ThumbWitchesAbroad

Book the hall for 2019 and send out Save the Dates.

I would text back saying ' Thanks for understanding. I sometimes think it's good for kids to learn that they can't have everything their own way don't you? DD certainly won't be upset by a few guests being late she is just so grateful to be having such a lovely party and I am sure your DS will feel exactly the same. These parties can be a lot of work can't they!!'

Am not engaging in anymore texts. If she wants to discuss this further, we can chat face to face (although the thought of that does make me feel a little anxious now, tbh).

But might pop by the hall to see if next years availability is out yet...

What I don't get is that she said "Is there any way you can make the start time a bit later, say by 30 mins?" which is what you've done pretty much. But that's not god enough. She obviously meant "is there any way you can move the party to a different day because Saturday is my precious child's actual birthday and frankly I think it's a bit of a poor show that there isn't a public holiday that day"

@OrchidInTheSun that made me chuckle. It does feel a little bit like that this morning, but I am hoping that's just not the case at all...

And next years party is booked for Saturday 25th May! (Little petty victory for me, I know it's childish but it's making me feel a little better)

I fear she's going to have several similar disappointments in the next few years if she wants to try and keep 7/8 year old girls away from a roomful of other girls and unicorn shit in favour of her son. That one really would have been better laughed off after your text agreeing to plan things around the late arrivers.

Friendly reply to say - ah - sorry - no I can't move our arrangements

Perfect response OP 👌

If she's this difficult to deal with over text then god help the poor parents who turn up to take their kids away early to leave for your party, she's going to lay a massive guilt trip on them, isn't she?

Really, she could make the cake and 'a chance to sing for DS' a bit earlier. That line made me guffaw - like it's an honour or something

Glad next year's party is sorted - make sure you let her know so that she can make a note of it

Bravo at booking next years party

PS - I’d also ignore her response

She sounds hard work.

I wouldn’t text her anymore. People like that want responses so not having one will drive her mad. Just imagine her sat at her phone for hours waiting for you to text.
I wouldn’t tell her next years arrangements either anyway. Not knowing will mess with her head the most.

Her request wasn’t unreasonable but her response certainly was!

I would tell her by text the time of next year’s party. I’d present it as a “while I was there...”. She can’t then complain. —except she probably will about something—

Well you've left his actual birthday free, so she can hardly complain! (Bet she does though!)

So the hall has been booked and planned for 8mths

Yet you gave out invites with 2w notice

If you gave out yours first then why are other people cancelling the other party

Surely they would have read the times and date of yours first and rsvp

Tho reading your replies you have tried to be fair and said that kids wouldn’t miss out on much if arrive 30mins late

The cake could be cut earlier if need be at other party

I would send her a text now saying "Good news, I have booked next year's party for DD for Sat 25th which leaves the 26th completely free for X. I'm very laid back about having exact dates for a party whereas it's obviously a source of stress for you so I'm pleased to have sorted this out for you for next year." Make yourself look like the big-hearted one, and cut off her complaints for next year.