To not move my DD's party

[TheMonkeyMummy]

I have four children, 9,7,4 and 3. My DD turns 8 next week and is having her party on Saturday afternoon. It has been planned for over 8 months. We always host our own parties in the village hall, and my daughter has chosen a unicorn theme with lots of arts and crafts, for 20 of her girl friends. There has a lot of prep and planning gone into this on my part, three grandparents are travelling a considerable distance to help out and she is incredibly excited.

Another boy in her class is also having a party, at a venue 30 mins away. The mother and I spoke on May 14th, (we are friendly enough to say hi when our paths cross but not enough to go for a cuppa together). We realised the parties had a slight time overlap (we weren't invited to each other's parties) but as it would only affected a few children, I didn't think it was an issue and she didn't say anything. Both of our invitations went out the next day, as planned.

Today, with less than 46 hours to go, I have just received the following text from the other mum.

Hello MonkeyMummy, hope all is going smoothly with DD’s party planning. Unfortunately we’ve had a little hiccup with DS: I’ve heard from 5 mums this week who initially accepted but have now said their girls cannot come or will leave DS’s party early so they aren’t too late for your DD’s. Is there any way you can make the start time a bit later, say by 30 mins? I booked a 2 hour slot for the party which I tried to make earlier, but at this stage cannot change as there is no more availability. The only other available slot would actually be in conflict with your DD’s party. There’re 2 animators involved so I’m not able to be that flexible. I just think it’d be great if the girls could attend both parties & the parents would not have to rush between the two events. Please let me know if there’s anything you can do to make things easier for everyone. Many thanks!

I am working that morning, DS2 has a party straight after lunch and I don't really want a party to end later than 6, as I have to tidy up and I have a 3 year old who will start to be getting tired and clingy (only wants me, no one else). Plus we have friends driving over an hour to join us so said we would BBQ after the party, they will start that at home while I clean.

And if I am honest, I am a more than a little gobsmacked that she has even asked me to do this, esp with such short notice.

AIBU to say no?

If it were me I would change the time if I could, since it is only 30 mins, but if it is impossible then just leave it, surely you booked first, if it was 8 months ago? It's just unfortunate.

She's obviously tried to mover her party - hence her knowing it's not possible.
So she's asking you if you can do this to facilitate all kids attending both to be able to.

I don't think there's anything wrong with her asking.

I get 'why' you don't want to move yours and you're under no obligation to.

Personally half an hour later wouldn't be a problem for me if venue could do it and I could contact all invitees.

But it doesn't work for you so just text back that unfortunately you aren't able to change time either - sorry

Tbh aren’t you just going to screw up the rest of your guests by messing them around if you move it?

She'll probably make bitchy comments about you being organised about booking 2019s party now

Personally half an hour later wouldn't be a problem for me if venue could do it and I could contact all invitees

But op said that she had changed her schedule so people arriving half an hour late wouldn't miss much - and that wasn't enough because it didn't give enough time to cut the cake.

So op did as asked, to an extent that was reasonable - and it wasn't enough.

All these people saying it wouldn't be a problem for you to move the party time by 30 mins haven't considered the other 15 families! They have planned their weekend around a specific party time. It's highly likely that a number of them wouldn't be able to accommodate a change with less than 2 days notice.
Of course it matters and OP you have been entirely reasonable and the other mum is a c.f.
But, I do think the parents of the other 5 are rude of they accepted and then changed.

considering she gets the excited kids first, and theyll be knackered for your party, I think she could really do some of the rearranging

Does nobody read past the first post?

OP told the CF she made the half hour adjustment as per CF’s request. But that’s not good enough for CF, she seems to want a couple of hours as apparently the cake would not be cut then....

Sounds to me like CF wants you to say oooh ok I’ll just cancel my dd’s party.

That's not quite right fuzzy. OP said she'd restructured the party activities so the 5 overlapping children could arrive later than the start time and not miss anything vital. It was this that wasn't good enough for cf

Well the OP can’t delay the start of the party by half an hour for the rest of her guests.

Also the follow up emails from CF imply she wants an adjustment of a lot longer than thirty minutes.

I think she should adjust her party so the cake is cut earlier.

I suspect that she has already applied emotional pressure to the parents of the two-party DC and has only succeeded in making sure that they prioritise your DD's party because they're pissed off at her. So now she's trying with you.

YANBU at all. So she’s given the reason why she can’t change the times for her child’s party but won’t accept the reasons you’ve given? CF.

Who’s to say a few people might not have to leave a few minutes early anyway for reasons unrelated to your child’s party?

Time for her to learn that the world doesn’t revolve around her child.

The request is very politely worded. Seems like a genuine request to see if there is anything you can do, knowing that there probably isn't but that it is worth asking.
Consider if there is anything you can do. If not, reply equally politely and carry on with your plans. It's not ideal... but make a mental note to liaise earlier next year.

Good responses on your part monkey.

I'm wondering if she has been funny with the 'leave 30 mins early' parents who are a little cheeky put probably texted to ask that theirs leave early to enable them to attend both. I bet she asked them not to and triggered the dropping out?? Just a guess.

The 'yep let's discuss time next year, hope X has a great weekend' is a good response. Odd of her to ask for 30 minutes later then be ungrateful when you accommodated.

OP the request to coordinate over next year’s dates and the a noting of your DD’s bday so there isn’t another clash, is in fact an instruction that the weekend closest to the 26th May is her DS’s party weekend and you are to find an alternative. Even if you book way before her and give her months and months of notice she will still book the same weekend and then tell you YWBU as she had already told you that was when DS had his party. She sounds bonkers. Have a lovely party. Sounds awesome.

I imagine that she will alter the timings of the cake on the day but is pretending it is an immovable event to make you feel bad and change your day. I think you have been as flexible as you can given the problem and handled yourself well.

Surely the guest just miss 15 mins of each party? It's not like it's all of the guests, it's only 5!

YANBU id call her out and say that you can’t understand how this has happened as you thought u had liased this year as you told her the timings of your party before she booked hers. She what she has to say for herself.

She asked nicely
No harm in asking

And if you can’t say no nicely

The parents who are leaving early or dropped out may never have said they would attend fully. Their replies may have been we would love to attend but would have to leave 30 mins early... or sorry i can't come because...
Who k ows if she really has tried to change timings but yanbu you tried to accommodate her and be helpful, the sillymessagess since are telling that, short of cancelling or telling these 'wanted people' not to come to yours, whatever you did would not be enough. She may also be peeved that in her eyes your dd is more popular as other would rather prioritise her party.
Enjoy your party and book next years sending a save the day text message 😂😂😂

Normally I'd say YANBU but is it right that your party is 3 hours in length rather than the more typical 2 hours?
If so it would seem rather mean not to shorten the party or at least make it clear to the other parents that you don't want them to leave the other party early (I don't think its fair for any 8 year old to have people attend the fun bit of their party but leave before the actual celebration of their birthday) and that you're absolutely fine with them arriving late.

So 1 cancelled and 4 will leave early.

I don't actually have any sympathy for her. I would put money on the fact that those 5 families would NEVER have accepted the invite in the first place had she waited to send her invitations out until the next day, when parents could ponder the two party invitations.

The girls are going to the girls' party as a priority, for whatever reason. That's what they're choosing. Perhaps they are better friends with her.

Instead, as you indicated, she literally raced home to TEXT invites out before you got yours out, which she knew were coming in the morning. She then collected 'yeses' via text.

Now she's upset because those 'yeses' weren't so solid after all.

Watch your back, OP. I think she was rude to do what she did, and rather had it coming, but she won't view it that way. She will tell parents that your party has ruined her son's ... even though it was completely avoidable in the first place. She probably would have had 7 'yeses' from children who weren't overlapping parties, and could have added a few more children who weren't going to yours.

It wouldn't surprise me if it turns out she has been trying to inveigle people into coming to her dc's party instead of yours and has hit a stumbling block so has messaged you.

I would book the hall for DD's next birthday today. Then send a breezy text telling her that DD's party for next year is all sorted and will be taking place on X date.

@emmyrose2000 I am so tempted. But dares to fan the flames...