To not move my DD's party

[TheMonkeyMummy]

I have four children, 9,7,4 and 3. My DD turns 8 next week and is having her party on Saturday afternoon. It has been planned for over 8 months. We always host our own parties in the village hall, and my daughter has chosen a unicorn theme with lots of arts and crafts, for 20 of her girl friends. There has a lot of prep and planning gone into this on my part, three grandparents are travelling a considerable distance to help out and she is incredibly excited.

Another boy in her class is also having a party, at a venue 30 mins away. The mother and I spoke on May 14th, (we are friendly enough to say hi when our paths cross but not enough to go for a cuppa together). We realised the parties had a slight time overlap (we weren't invited to each other's parties) but as it would only affected a few children, I didn't think it was an issue and she didn't say anything. Both of our invitations went out the next day, as planned.

Today, with less than 46 hours to go, I have just received the following text from the other mum.

Hello MonkeyMummy, hope all is going smoothly with DD’s party planning. Unfortunately we’ve had a little hiccup with DS: I’ve heard from 5 mums this week who initially accepted but have now said their girls cannot come or will leave DS’s party early so they aren’t too late for your DD’s. Is there any way you can make the start time a bit later, say by 30 mins? I booked a 2 hour slot for the party which I tried to make earlier, but at this stage cannot change as there is no more availability. The only other available slot would actually be in conflict with your DD’s party. There’re 2 animators involved so I’m not able to be that flexible. I just think it’d be great if the girls could attend both parties & the parents would not have to rush between the two events. Please let me know if there’s anything you can do to make things easier for everyone. Many thanks!

I am working that morning, DS2 has a party straight after lunch and I don't really want a party to end later than 6, as I have to tidy up and I have a 3 year old who will start to be getting tired and clingy (only wants me, no one else). Plus we have friends driving over an hour to join us so said we would BBQ after the party, they will start that at home while I clean.

And if I am honest, I am a more than a little gobsmacked that she has even asked me to do this, esp with such short notice.

AIBU to say no?

Don’t agree to make arrangements for next year! She’ll be all over that like a rash.

I’d ignore now. You’ve been accommodating enough!

"I think the guests sound pretty rude not her!"

Yes-I imagune she's upset for her son.

I think YABU unfortunately.

She's asked nicely for you to make a small adjustment to your plans that would cause no issues for you but would make things much nicer for her DS. You should move it.

You've done as she asked by moving activities half an hour, she is just angry at the other parents and being rude to you because of the clash, her attitude would ensure I didn't answer again and I definitely would note the child's birthday so you don't have to deal with her next year.

'She's asked nicely for you to make a small adjustment to your plans that would cause no issues for you but would make things much nicer for her DS. You should move it.'

Oh, there you are! Someone was looking for you on another thread, because it was a unanimous YANBU and we know you're always good for a snappy reply to the contrary of any AIBU OP.

The OP has already explained why she can't move the party.

Jesus wept. I’d have had to have had someone sit in my hands not to reply to her passive aggressive shit

‘..which could have been avoided’

Yes, it could have you stupid bint as you knew it was my Dd’s Party that day BEFORE you even sent your invites out!!!

Stupid cow.

And her attempt to tell you when you shouldn’t book your DD’s party for next year 🤣😂🤣😂

I'd just leave it. I wouldn't want to commit to 'working together' which will mean that she makes her plans exactly as she wants and you will have to plan around hers.

The very most I'd do (since you book early-ish) would be to book DD's party and send her a breezy "DD's party has been scheduled. It will be XX date from XX to XX time. Hall booked, non-refundable deposits paid so unable to make any changes" as soon as you've booked.

Mumsnet is a different world sometimes. The selfishness is shocking.
Op it wouldn’t have caused a problem to you to move it by thirty mins.

'Op it wouldn’t have caused a problem to you to move it by thirty mins.'

She's already explained that it would cause problems.

@MyDcAreMarvel and I offered to accommodate. Did you rtft?

^but it will be disappointing for her son if a third of the guests leave early for " the next one".
Who does that to at a child's party?^

Um...I would! My thinking would be that I’d miss the end of first child’s and the beginning of second’s, thus treating both the same. No?

I'd not agree to work with her next year because she will manipulate, bully and guilt-trip. She's not known as a difficult person for nothing.

This. You’ll never hear the end of it, and it will be you ending up compromising.

And MyDcAreMarvel RTFT. OP offered the half an hour and it wasn’t good enough.

(What will the animators be doing?)

Presumably she wanted OP to move the party back 30 mins and also have the crossover guests arrive 30 mins late.

She's paying the animators (??) so she can dictate when the cake gets cut.

I'd definitely be working together next year to prevent this from happening. Having people leaving early or arriving late just causes completely unnecessary inconvenience and upset.

The very most I'd do (since you book early-ish) would be to book DD's party and send her a breezy "DD's party has been scheduled. It will be XX date from XX to XX time. Hall booked, non-refundable deposits paid so unable to make any changes" as soon as you've booked

If so this just to avoid her trying to dictate what you do next year

YANBU

her first message was NBU, your response was great and showed compromise without being a pushover and negatively affecting your own child, family and guests.

Her responses are increasingly BU. Surely she could have the cake and Happy Birthday earlier? Just as you’ve shuffled things so the double booked guests don’t miss out, she should do the same.

Do NOT agree to “work with” her next year! She will once again expect you to make all the compromises so she can have it all her own way.

I 'd do this i meant!

She is the CF. Trying to get one over you by texting the invitations and expecting you to accommodate her. She should be directing her annoyance at the parents who cancelled going to her son's party. How hard would it be do sing at start, do the activity then eat when the 4 girls left? (The girls could eat at OP's party)
I would ignore further texts and think you did the right thing when you rearranged the action to start 30 mins later.
Her texts are polite but she's clearly not willing to bend on her party to accommodate everyone.

You said you’ll be booking the hall for next year soon. I’d give her the times when you have them and leave it at that. The older the children get, the fewer they invite and you may find next year won’t be an issue. I got this a couple of times with one of dds friends parents. It used to really piss me off. She booked at the very last minute so I couldn’t just book after her. In the end I changed weekend because if it. Because it was his bestie, I accepted he’d go to his friends, not to dds party and I never knew if he was coming til the last minute. I am friends with his mum so him not coming wasn’t a major issue. Just some people are so lacking awareness.

I'd book the hall for next year now.

If she's a really difficult person she may decide the hall you use is just so convenient to her for some reason, and you find the day you want gone. Book the day you want next year now, I would!

It’s a bit dickish of the five parents who agreed to attend hers first then changed their mind last minute. I feel for her but it’s not your problem.

Her first message wasn't unreasonable. She asked nicely and you didn't have to.
Her other messages are unreasonable.
I reckon she's just pissed off for her ds though at the other parents.

It’s a shame for her DS but you gave her the thirty minutes as asked. Ultimately it’s up to the parents of the invited kids, not her, which party they go to.

DD’s 4th Birthday clashed with another, had no idea until people started saying they would come but a bit late. At that point we didn’t know the other girl as the preschool days hadn’t crossed paths. Everyone did both parties and everyone was happy, especially the kids!

We had a joint party the following year which was great.

My opinion has drastically changed since OP's updates!

OP - YANBU. Other mum is a CF. Please please book your DD's 2019 party NOW -for 26th May 2019-- and text CF mum the details. She sounds like a nightmare!