To think a significant minority of MN users don't respect SAHMs?

[Bumpitybumper]

During my time on this forum I have seen the following views being expressed about SAHMs:

• SAHMs are bad feminists and therefore not entitled to any kind of opinion regarding feminist issues. Particular objections are raised about SAHMs having thoughts about feminism in the workplace irrespective of their previous experiences when they were employed.

- SAHMs are sponging financially off their DPs and just don't want to get a job. Many posters seem to think it is impossible for a SAHM's non financial contributions to equal or exceed the financial contribution provided by the breadwinning partner. SAHMs therefore deserve less than there working partners in any break up/divorce.

• SAHMs should be responsible for all housework regardless of capacity to fit this in during the day. If a SAHM struggles to get things done due to ages and temprament of children they are told they are just not trying hard enough.

-SAHMs should do the vast majority, if not all the night wakings with babies and young children. This usually extends to women on maternity leave and holds true even if SAHM is shattered and her working partner is relatively well rested.

There are loads more examples too that I can't think of right now, but I see it pretty much on a daily basis. Is this just me or is the quite a lot of disdain for SAHMs on MN?

I'm a SAHM, I don't owe anyone an excuse as to why I'm taking time off work to raise my children and it's no one's business when and why I go back to work either. We are all trying our best, motherhood isn't a competition.

If I’m brutally honest I don’t particularly respect SAHMs who have kids at school- especially ones who talk about how busy they are! And SAHMs who judge working mums or call them part time parents really make me cross - I respect them even less for being so horribly smug.
(And before any pipes up with the ‘she must be jealous’ line, I’ve been a sahm when mine were little, worked p/t for a while and then f/t, luckily in a well paid profession which I love. I’ve varied my work/ home balance as required over the years.

Oh and I feel I’ve been raising my children the whole time - as a sahm, p/t and f/t worker!

"They aren't contributing to society"

I'm saving the local authority £100 000 a year.

You still sound judgemental kappa. I too have been all the variations. Good on any woman or man who does what they want.

respect
rɪˈspɛkt/Submit
noun
1.
a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.

To be honest no. I don’t think I respect sahps in general for the act of sah. But obviously I do respect some people who sahp. For various reasons - dealing with additional needs is just one example.

Just like I don’t “respect” everyone who works.

If I’m brutally honest I don’t particularly respect SAHMs who have kids at school-....And SAHMs who judge working mums or call them part time parents really make me cross

lol so you hate being judged by people who you yourself judge. You say this without a hint of irony. School hours are 9-3 I'm lucky in that I have a career that can fit around that (albeit not the career I'd be doing without kids) lots of people don't. I don't see why them rushing out and getting a menial job (if they can find one) would earn your respect.

People who are genuinely happy working don't bash SAHM. Those who aren't do.

Stay at home mums still pay taxes - indirectly / VAT etc etc. lots of jobs don’t pay enough for people to pay tax - it’s not all black and white. I’m caring for an elderly dad - that’s something I couldn’t do if I worked full time. I’m not knocking working parents st all but it’s all hard whatever you choose.

Having done sahm, pt work & ft work (all as a single mum) i know which i prefer...it isn't being stuck at home 🙈 i have the option of being a sahm once DS is born, for as long as i want until he goes to school...might change, but currently it sounds like hell 😂

People who are genuinely happy working don't bash SAHM. Those who aren't do.

If that’s referring to me then you’re completely wrong. I don’t long to be at home all day while my kids are at school!

(Bold fail above!)

If I’m brutally honest I don’t particularly respect SAHMs who have kids at school-....And SAHMs who judge working mums or call them part time parents really make me cross

Have your lol back
Of course I know I’m also being judgmental - I kind of admitted that in my first statement!

I do feel there are two reasons for the nasty attitude (and this goes both ways in terms of judging SAHM and WM) either the person feels they are being judged and defensively judges back or the person isn't happy with their lifestyle and wants to put other people down as a reaction.

lol so you hate being judged by people who you yourself judge.

was for you...... copy and paste fail! Long day!

SAHP is just marmite, some love and some hate .... that is all

I think that in general feminist are jealous of stay at home mums as it normally mean that they have a husband who works and wants to look after his family.

I'm not a stahm technically as I work in the evenings but 2 days also work in the mornings so those 2 days kids are in nursery or school. I pick up kids if ill or appointments etc as my oh just couldn't take off that much time wraparound care is helpful. My mum was a stahm and it was great some days I don't see my kids until 9 if I work am as well. I'm jealous of others who can stah as we need my income

Vicky1990 I don’t think the word “feminist” means what you think it means.

what is clear from this thread is that for every 'I hate SAHM/WOHM because...' there is a poster who comes back with, 'yes, but that doesn't apply to me because...' How ridiculous is it to dislike an entire group of mothers when the reasons for that particular choice are so infinitely varied and when there's no possible way to know in most cases which ones apply to any of the women you're choosing to judge? It's just doing the patriarchy's work for it.

I'm not working, it is been decided that as a family we benefit more from me not trying to fit work into my life. I do feel regret about this at times for myself. My DC are school age, it isn't smug to say I do more parenting of them than when I was working it is just a fact. As I am not working I volunteer a lot of time to my DC's school, the play scenery doesn't prepare itself, etc. I have two different volunteer things that use my previous work skills. Nobody of any sex should have their value determined by their economic output. There isn't one best way to raise a family, just what works for each family. The only people I am going to judge are the people who think that you can tell a person's worth by the job they do.

Vicky1990 what? That makes absolutely no sense. Feminists can get married, you know...

I think that in general feminist are jealous of stay at home mums as it normally mean that they have a husband who works and wants to look after his family
Passsive aggressive much?

That's not true. I'm a feminist. My husband earns and did earn enough that i could have easily stayed home. He would have been more than happy. I chose to work. "Looking after your family" encompasses many things. Being solely financially responsible is what you're alluding to, and even if a man wants to do that, many women, like myself, value work and put careers and have no desire to stay home and give it up. Nor do we wish to be financially dependent.

We see our roles in the family as the same as our husbands, and we see both of us looking after our family together, be it financially, physically or emotionally,

I'm a feminist, a SAHM and I'm jealous of working mothers. I'm very conflicted right now.

vicky I would describe myself as a feminist I don't see it as incompatible with being a SAHP.