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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to say something to parents who DO this?

203 replies

AjasLipstick · 24/05/2018 09:41

At school drop off, there are quite a lot of parents who park on the side of the quite busy road (that's allowed) and then go INTO the road open the child's passenger door and stand there with their arses sticking out whilst they undo seatbelts and haul toddlers out.

Why don't they go onto the PATH side of the car and get them out there? Confused Yes they might have to kneel into the car a bit if the child is further towards the road side...but so what? They shouldn't be standing on roads and getting children out onto roads should they?

OP posts:
GlitteryFluff · 25/05/2018 21:45

I haven't rtft but this is interesting.

I have an almost 4yo and a 4month old.
I have never thought about what side I get them in and out of! And I'm a stickler for rules/safety usually!

We don't have a drive - it's just street parking, so one side is always against the path, the other the road. Same at preschool though I've never driven in the morning, only occasionally at pick up time which is quiet as his class is the only class leaving at that time.

Do people open the doors whilst traffic is coming? I don't open anyone's doors until I can see a clear road. If it changes before I've opened one of the other doors I wait til there are no cars coming. So I'm not sure what the risk is? Are we talking when it's absolutely rammed and there's no break in traffic? But then surely cars are going really slow? Hmmm...

butterballs9 · 25/05/2018 21:51

IMO we should adopt the approach of some other countries where children either walk to school from a young age (Switzerland) and/or there are minibus pick ups from home (or near home) for instance Singapore. The whole 'school run' thing is ridiculous. It's hugely polluting, it's encouraging a sedentary lifestyle and it's not encouraging sociability and teamwork, both of which are really important.

In a big city like London it is even more crazy especially when you get parents in their 4 by 4's....nuts and so dangerous for pedestrians.

Arkenfield3001 · 25/05/2018 21:52

We have an altogether better solution for this. The school have an arrangement with Ryedale County Council that means you’re allowed to park in the public car park near the school at morning and afternoon drop off . It’s £5 for the permit and is valid all year round.

butterballs9 · 25/05/2018 21:54

(Puts on flak jacket and helmet.....)

But I'm serious....I've thought this for years...since my children were tiny....

I think it is also stressful for parents AND children. Not a good way to start the day, imo.

m0therofdragons · 25/05/2018 21:56

Surely it takes pretty much the same time to nip round and grab a dc than it does for a front passenger to open the door and get out or should they also climb over the driver seat to get out kerb side? Honestly this thread is bonkers 🙄

Seafoodeatit · 25/05/2018 22:27

Both our car seats in the back are extended rear facing ones with a support leg thingy and there is no way you could reach across.

42andcounting · 25/05/2018 22:41

I can't get over all the holier than thou "just walk" comments. What about parents who need to drop off then high tail it to work? Our school is good 20-25 minute walk away from home & work, which would make me late for work, surely we can't be the only ones!

NualaCassia · 25/05/2018 22:56

When I had 2 kids both in ERF seats, I still managed to get them both out pedestrian side. Older/more able child on the far side of the car if you can't physically get them out yourself (which I couldn't) so they can get themselves over.

It annoys me too OP. On our school run, we have a narrow road, people park both sides so only one car can go through at a time, fine until you've got some parent with the door wide open, unloading their kids in the road then leaving their kids stood there in the road while mum starts getting out bags/coats etc.

TheOriginalEmu · 25/05/2018 22:58

If at all possible I do park drivers side in. But it’s not always. Our school is on a one way street with very limited parking.

Lethaldrizzle · 25/05/2018 23:05

Butterballs - I agree completely but I think lots of pps will say they have no choice but to drive......

GabsAlot · 25/05/2018 23:11

arent they trying to ban cars on the school run-maybe just london?

MrsPepperpot79 · 25/05/2018 23:14

Four month old twins. One either side as unsafe to have one in the front. You have no option but to get one out roadside!!

MadamQuimby · 25/05/2018 23:26

Gosh, I take my eldest out of the road side all time, and my youngest. 7 and 2yr old.... to hell if I'm going to shuffle kids through the car just to be on the pavement.

As you say, it's not just one parent, it's many. Please don't be that parent that complains to the school what happens on a public road... as if they don't have other issues to be dealing with. Like education.

A bit of common sense on the school run:

  • Drive less than 20mph approaching a school.
  • Prepare for us road-hogs that have our arses out while liberating the kids from their car seats until they get on to the bloody pavement and listen! it's a school run we're all fucking stressed*
  • stop being so pious and sanctimonious about which side of the car the child exits from
  • stop being so judgy about something so stupid and perhaps think about the reasoning behind such non issues behaviour.
WTFsMyUserName · 25/05/2018 23:27

I have two car seats in the back and one is a giant rear facing seat that makes it impossible to squeeze past or climb over from the other side. The road where I park to drop off is so narrow and there are 8 schools within a 300 metre radius. It's an absolute nightmare to park and you never know which side of the road you will be lucky enough to park on so some days I can get my heavy toddler out on the pavement side and some days I can't. I just make sure my door is as wide open as I can get it to slow the traffic down.

LoveBeingAMum555 · 25/05/2018 23:29

I sometimes cycle to work past the primary school and you really need your wits about you as parents pull up and leap out into the road to get their children out. Yes we are all in a rush on a morning but I have seen many near misses.

I often see one Mum in particular who always parks a few minutes away from school where there is short stay parking and walks her kids in. Yes she maybe has more time but I want to shout good on you as a cycle past.

cakedup · 25/05/2018 23:34

I am a road safety officer for a London borough.
No, of course parents should not be getting their children out on the road side. There are big parking problems outside almost every school in London (leading to lots of unsafe behaviour) and the best solution is to encourage people to walk to school. We work with schools and the community to fund initiatives in order to support this. Such concerns as yours should be addressed to the school OP. I have no idea where you are but do you have a School Travel Plan Champion at your school - or similar? In other words a teacher who has taken on the role of promoting walking, cycling, road safety etc? I believe all schools in London have a school travel plan issues are documented and the LA can then provide appropriate support.

mishfish · 25/05/2018 23:36

I am really short, have a disability (knee), and a 7 seater that’s quite cramped for my 3 children. Two have to be in the middle row in their huge car seats (toddlers). There is absolutely no way I can 1) unbuckle the further away ones straps 2) if I managed to unstrap the buckle encourage toddler to come to the side and squeeze through the gap. My disability means that I can’t climb in and squeeze, or kneel on the passenger seat to wrangle through there.

Though having said all this if I’m doing a school drop and run the eldest is in the front and jumps out the passenger side with the school on his side and we arrived just before the gates open so the roads are quiet

Chocmallows · 25/05/2018 23:36

I agree OP, but it's better to ignore and carry on with your day. There are many situations that don't seem to make sense, can vent on here, but ultimately not worth complaining to whom? as won't change.

butterballs9 · 25/05/2018 23:45

We need to go collaborative here....what do we really want for our children....

cakedup · 25/05/2018 23:46

Wow MadamQuimby.

Please don't be that parent that complains to the school what happens on a public road... as if they don't have other issues to be dealing with. Like education. Wrong. Safety is more important than education and the school have some responsibility on what happens on a public road if it involves a child on their journey to/from school.

stop being so pious and sanctimonious about which side of the car the child exits from Pious and sanctimonious?? To be concerned for the safety of a child?

stop being so judgy about something so stupid and perhaps think about the reasoning behind such non issues behaviour. It's really not stupid. It's unsafe and putting children at risk. There is always a safer solution.

boilerhouse2007 · 25/05/2018 23:49

''Being in the right is little consolation from a hospital bed...''

or a death bed

smithsinarazz · 25/05/2018 23:56

If you're criticising vulnerable road users (ie. kids) because you think they might be hurt by dangerous ones (ie cars) for being in the Wrong Place, you're victim-blaming. It's exactly the same principle as telling women that they ought not to go out at night in short skirts in case men attack them. Exactly.

In the Netherlands, there was a campaign in the 1970s called Stop de Kindermoord (Stop the Child-Killing) and it took off, and led to the development of safe routes to school (and elsewhere). In the UK, we focused on Stop, Look and Listen, and drummed the message home into generations of kids that if they get run over, it's their fault - not the fault of the people behind the wheel. The result? Numbers of kids walking or cycling to school plummeted. Children aren't allowed to play outside their homes, or walk down to the park unsupervised. We've started imprisoning our children because we can't curtail the car, instilling habits of indolence and dependence upon motorised transport. And air pollution contributes to 40,000 early deaths per year.

OP, I really do appreciate your genuine concern for the kids in the scenario you describe, but if a car runs into a mum getting a child out of a stationary car, the fault is with the driver of the moving one. Nobody else. You shouldn't be driving in a residential area - and particularly not outside a school - if you aren't absolutely sure that, if a kid were to run out into the road, you couldn't stop in time.

@cakedup - I really appreciate your focus on walking and cycling, and I'm really glad that London boroughs (and others) have started to take safe routes to school seriously. However, that line "of course they shouldn't.." still implies victim-blaming.

Nobody has the right to kill or injure another person. We've just allowed ourselves to be socialised into thinking it's ok, as long as you're in a car.

smithsinarazz · 26/05/2018 00:04

@boilerhouse2007 - It IS no consolation to be right if you're dead, sure. But doesn't that just emphasise the obscenity of the situation? That we're apparently perfectly OK with kids being killed when they're doing something that they're within their rights to do?

If builders (say) regularly carried building materials through residential areas on their way to building sites, and not infrequently hit people with a stray beam or roll of barbed wire, and caused death or serious injury just once - there would, quite rightly, be an outcry. Questions would be asked in Parliament. If building firms argued that, after all, the public could stay inside if they were worried, local papers would wonder aloud why law-abiding citizens should have to live in fear because of the reckless behaviour of certain people.
But if you knock a mum over when she's getting a kid out of a stationary car, people will apparently say it's her fault for being there.

MadamQuimby · 26/05/2018 00:16

caked
Yep, safety IS important. But, as you pointed out, it's a public road and not school property. Let the schools be about education and public roadways a matter for the users of such. Please don't being that person that whines to school headmaster/teachers/administrators about matters that happen on public property. They have enough to think about and don't need another arse to wipe.
Again; yes to the pious and sanctimonious. On what planet is it normal to post a judgemental topic about which side of the car your child exits from FGS, really? Normal parents, exit children from the roadside. This happens. It's called actual real life. And just maybe, it's a lesson for the kids that "look snowflake, big trucks drive here, so quickly get out the car and go stand on the pavement"
TEACH your kids about road safety and please, for the love of common sense, stop the culture of bubble wrapping kids and teaching them some common sense.
If you have an issue with speeding motorists near your school, talk to your council, not the school. They have more than enough to deal with than parents whining about things that parents should be teaching ie: road safety.

Also, finally, we are MUMS! Why throw another spanner in the works about bloody parking? As if we don't have enough to deal with.

Ineke · 26/05/2018 02:47

You could always go into the school,office and ask for a notice to be put in the school letter advising parents how to safely drop off their bundles.This way every one knows and you don't need to be in a tricky conversation.