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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to sacrifice my 20s for money?

233 replies

CharliesSister · 23/05/2018 17:54

Name changed because this is outing, I've posted about my job before.

I'm 25. Fairly recently I got a job abroad as a Nanny. The money is very good, enough for me to put around £6k a month into savings. I'm very lucky.
However, the salary is high because my life has been sold (temporarily) to the family I work for. I work 7 6 days a week, 24 hours a day. I live in a country where socialising is near on impossible, and I don't have time anyway. I have one months leave a year which I use to see my family, I don't go on holidays.
The positive side of having no life is that I don't spend any money, so the vast majority goes into savings.

The plan is to stay working here until I'm 30 or go mad and use the money saved to buy a house outright, and therefore buy significant freedom and stability for my 30s onwards.

However, all my friends are off having a wonderful time of it. There's posts all over social media of lovely holidays, exciting new relationships and parties. I've been invited to several big parties back in the UK where all my friends will be (and I've not seen most of them for 6 months or more) and I know I can't go.
I'm tired all of the time, I'm insanely bored (there's nothing to do here) and no one around me speaks English so I'm isolated too.

Am I silly to stay? My friends and family are jealous of the opportunity I've been given so I feel incredibly guilty to not be loving it but someone today said that I was wasting my youth, and money isn't everything.

(Note: whilst I don't actively enjoy it, I don't hate it either and feel I can stick it out for a few years)

OP posts:

LionAllMessy · 23/05/2018 18:47

Even working 2-3 years at that rate will put you in an EXTREMELY comfortable financial position, which will allow you to enjoy yourself more in the future when you can afford yourself more spare time due to having a very low mortgage or being mortgage-free. So I would say the payoff is definitely worth it. I'm jealous, in fact.

Although I would maybe quit a little sooner – 5 years is a long time.

Also bear in mind that social media is a highly-curated highlight reel of your friends' lives. However much fun it SEEMS like they're having, it's an exaggeration.

FASH84 · 23/05/2018 18:48

Stick it out as long as you can but be in with a decision to leave when it's making you unhappy. If you stay a year or two that's a substantial amount of savings. I'm in the wrong job! You've already travelled a fair bit and make sure you plan something fun for your leave as well as family visits. Congrats for getting to that position by your age, my cousin was a nanny for very well off families and ended up in Sydney. Never earning in your wage bracket, though she saved well, she now has a lovely Australian hubby who she didn't meet until she was thirty, two kids and a beautiful home.

burdog · 23/05/2018 18:53

I did a similar thing for my late twenties. It was very useful for saving money but do I regret not settling down in my chosen career sooner to be honest.

Vietnammark · 23/05/2018 18:54

I would stick it out for now, then when you are more in with the kids and the family, try to renegotiate better conditions.

SoFake · 23/05/2018 18:55

How much could you earn in the UK? I’d absolutely hate to do what you are doing but it’s a LOT of money. I’d just see how it goes.

Fruitcorner123 · 23/05/2018 18:55

Don't put your life on hold for 4 years. You should only ever do things that make you happy. If you are genuinely happy and fulfilled great otherwise save for a bit but get out and follow your dreams sooner rather than later. You have no idea what lies ahead and may not have as long left as you think. Not trying to be morbid but its not just your life it's also your fertility and your chances of falling in love etc. 4 years is a long time. Too long imo.

TheGrassIsGreenerOnMySide · 23/05/2018 18:55

I know someone who did this. She worked for a royal family in the middle east for a few years earning an obscene amount of money. Then came back bought a house in London outright which she rents out. She now mostly lives of the rental income (in cheaper UK place) and works on projects here and there as she feels like it and just travels a lot. Very clever if you ask me.

caffelatte100 · 23/05/2018 18:55

Why not plan a great holiday/s in your break when you have a month off? You have the cash to do lots of nice things.

You could also have a nose around for other high paying nannying jobs to see what is available and where. Maybe being in one now, will help you secure another one - but in a less tough place.

While you are actually in the job could you take the time to develop your skills and what you could offer a family? E.g. teaching the children skills or working on their reading, things to make you more employable to future employees? I am imagine you don't have to do any cooking or cleaning though!

Would love to hear more about the job though.... are the terms definitely not negotiable? What do the other nannies think about the post?

Pippylou · 23/05/2018 18:57

I was thinking about this as I have a friend who says she has house envy for my place. However, she has FB memories for many, many holidays, nights out, festivals, etc. I stayed in a lot for years, I'm not sure I'd swap...

Do watch your mental health, gilded cage/handcuffs n'all.

smileplease6 · 23/05/2018 18:57

What country is it?

I'm the same age as you and I would do it if I didn't have a partner. Maybe not for four years but for a couple maybe. But then I'm not a big socialiser so that wouldn't bother me.

Mrs9C · 23/05/2018 18:58

I would do that in a heart beat! As long as you enjoy the work, it's great experience for your 20's. Those who are having the amazing holidays and parties have no money. You won't regret you saved for the important things. You can always reassess after a year or two, especially saving that fast.

villageshop · 23/05/2018 18:59

I think what you're doing is amazing and I'd stick at it as long as you can, though keep re-assessing as you go along.

If you make 3 years that's a huge deposit on a home which will set you up for life. Well worth it IMO as you would still be young but have paved the way for the rest of your life.

In the meantime keep in regular contact with your friends - the time will fly past and they will still be here when you get back. Are you Irish? Just have a feeling you might be (not that that's got anything to do with it).

CoffeeOrSleep · 23/05/2018 18:59

Thing is - many other people working in high paid jobs in their 20s at least have some free time. They do get to maintain relationships and see friends, even if it's only now and then.

You are putting your life on hold to earn money for something that's not even your long term career plan.

Life is not just about how big a house you live in - being mortgage fee by 30 sounds great- but what then? No partner or job, friends you are someone they've not seen for half a decade - many of whom will have moved on from the going out stage to settled down with dcs when you are ready to start again.

Rich and lonely isn't great. A year or two is one thing, but be careful at the idea you can put your life on hold for 5 years then step back in as if you've just been gone for a few months.

sparklepig · 23/05/2018 19:00

I sacrificed my twenties for cash and a well set up career, worked in the uk and had a BF (now DH). Do I regret it ? Yes a bit I don’t have many memories of my twenties, but it’s set me up really well. Your first challenge, assuming you don’t have a partner, is it seems with current set up if you want that in your life it will be hard to meet anyone. I have a couple of friends who didn’t meet anyone in their 30’s either and now really regret this. Also I’m not sure how sustainable a career is being a nanny if you also want a family. Hours are long, role can be tiring and you need to live in an area where you can commute to those who can afford nannies live - so can be v expensive.

I would echo the comments above, do two years and reassess. I would also contact some of the elite agencies which serve some of the nanny clientele who whilst demanding on hours do pay well but who may be located in a more interesting country (US, Caribbean etc)

sunnydaynoworking · 23/05/2018 19:02

It could be lonely to commit yourself to no partner for another four years. And not necessarily easy to find one when you are back looking. You wouldnt want to rush into marriage (because 30) and then lose half of those savings in a divorce...

BettyBaggins · 23/05/2018 19:03

Sooo wanting to know more about the family and situation that gets you that pay!

Stick. The only thing I wish I had done more of in my twenties is worry less what others thought of me. I am by no means sorted and am mid '40's but I can tell you the adventures and travels I have had in my 30's and '40's have been amazing and would of sooooo benefited from having a stack of cash for security behind me. I

You can afford to have a big party for your mates once a year when you visit UK.

TheTurnOfTheScrew · 23/05/2018 19:03

I'd do it. I know two people who did 5-10 years doing 16hr days in finance, but made enough never to need to work again. In their 30s both now pursue hobby-type jobs that they love (writing, artisan furniture maker) without having to worry about being a financially viable business. I sometimes wish I'd had their foresight.

teaandtoast · 23/05/2018 19:04

I'd stay a couple of years and put a lot of effort into learning the language. If you can speak Arabic or whatever, you won't be so isolated while you're there and you'll have an extra marketable skill when you come back. Win-win.

HelenaJustina · 23/05/2018 19:05

Stick it out. 30 is still so young and you’re of a generation who will be working (and hopefully healthy) into your 70s, that’s a lot of time to do other things. All of which will be easier with a secure financial footing under you.

GreasyFryUp · 23/05/2018 19:06

I came out of a long term relationship at 27, had a couple of years wobbling around but my life took off in my 30s. I didn't feel I wasted my 20s, it just delayed the fun! You are lucky to have this opportunity to save. Do you have some time to study online or something so you don't get cabin fever?

Original poster

CharliesSister · 23/05/2018 19:07

You're one of four nannies earning upwards of £100k each?

No, I'm on £128,000 equivalent and the other three are £5,200 per year (they aren't British, not that that should make a difference, obviously) which is a whole separate issue that I have with the work and country.

OP posts:

hotcuppaplease · 23/05/2018 19:07

Yes, stick with it for as long as you can. What's missing few parties compared to financial security. Could you do some online course, maybe Open University to fill in the downtime?

ichifanny · 23/05/2018 19:07

I could have earned a fortune working in Saudi in my twenties but I didn’t do it I really wish I had it would have set me up for life , I ended up settling down and having kids anyway I’d never change it but I envy people able to do something potentially life changing like this . Do it for a few years until you want to move on .

pyramidbutterflyfish · 23/05/2018 19:08

I wouldn’t. I worked very hard for a similar length of time, but it didn’t affect my social life the way your job appears to. It also got me established in my career, whereas you seem ambivalent about being a nanny long term. I’d also check the tax on repatriating earnings to the uk carefully.

If were you I’d look for a similar employer in the uk. Yes you’d have to pay tax, but hours will be better and you can get your social life back.

BettyBaggins · 23/05/2018 19:10

Are the other nannies from the same country you are working in? Are they ok?

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