To think we have been treated shabbily by school ?

[Myrnafoy]

Really need some advice as I'm not sure who is exactly being unreasonable!
Essentially Ds in year 6 had his shoe thrown into a garden by a reception child. Last day of Sats and the class had been told there was no further teaching for the day. Ds and friends decided to play cricket on the field. It was so hot they all took their shoes and socks off and dumped them in a pile. At break time said child above randomly chose ds' shoe and lobbed it over a high privet hedge. Obviously no malice involved. The boys enlisted the dinner ladies to help search for it but unfortunately there was no sign of it. I'm not sure they took it seriously as no one bothered to let the teaching staff know. Reaction was a kind of resigned shrug.
I went into school as soon as Ds came out. I managed to speak to a teacher who was initially a bit incredulous and insinuated that it was probably a prank orchestrated by the year six boys. Flortunately it had been witnessed by several children and the boy himself owned up to it.
Response from the teacher was that Ds had been silly to take his shoes off in the first place, what did he expect with all the young children around ? So actually quite dismissive.
Over the next day or two no progress, so ex-p went in on Monday to see if the school would inform the child's parents of the incident. I suppose we were hoping they'd contribute towards a new pair of shoes but not necessarily the full amount. Initially the head refused point blank and accused us of overreacting. I'll hasten to say that ex-p was perfectly polite but he was shocked by how obstructive she was. The fact is the shoes were relatively new and more than £40. They also had a special insert - Ds has had 9 months of intensive physio for an ongoing condition and the insert was part of the treatment.
Eventually head agreed to speak to the parents. When she phoned ex-p with their number she told him that the boy's dad had spent all evening searching for the shoe and had seen it in a tree in the garden. Ex-p dutifully headed off to try to have a look in the garden but neither he or owner could locate it. Ex-p naturally rang the mum to see which tree they were referring to but the mum changed her story and admitted it had been a child who'd seen it !
When politely asked if she'd care to contribute to a new pair of shoes
she declined because the head had told her to !
I really don't know what to do apart from fume. I personally would have been mortified if my child had done a similar thing and definately offered some kind of financial contribution. I also guess I'm shocked at the head's apparent lack of impartiality and empathy. Unfortunately the school is in a leafy fairly prosperous area of town so I doubt she realises that anyone is experiencing finanicial hardship ! I suppose what l would like to know is whether I should officially complain about her conduct or am I indeed being unreasonable?

My 6 year old DD recently had her water bottle thrown in a high hedge by older boys, the head rang me at work herself to apologise and assured me the boys would pay to replace it... I wasn't too bothered tbh but would have felt differently if it was a school shoe. I don't think YABU.

The parent should offer to pay for the shoes,or a contribution if can’t afford full price

When I was a young teacher, I took a year 8 class onto the playing fields for a lesson. It was summer, end of the school year, beautiful day. We played some games, one of which involved the kids removing their shoes. During the game, one of the children (I still don’t know who, but I had my suspicions) managed to grab another child’s shoe without my knowledge and bury it in the long jump pit. We spent the rest of the lesson digging. I got the caretakers out to help me dig, but the shoe was never found. I was mortified. I drove the child home (I couldn’t let him get the bus home with only one shoe) and apologised profusely to his mum. I offered to pay for new shoes. The mum was very kind and very understanding and refused my money as she said it was the end of year anyway. It taught me that a genuine apology goes a very long way to diffusing a very awkward situation

This has reminded me of a time my eldest has his PE top damaged. I can't remember more than that but I do remember the teacher replacing it out of his own pocket, not the schools coffers. He told me he felt responsible. I was very touched.

Same child, different school, had his new PE top nicked. School gave him a new one at their cost. Wish that worked for youngest trainers (£52) PE bag(£6) and shorts (£24) which have all been nicked. I was told not to buy such expensive trainers but ds2 has problems and can't have cheap footwear. Thankfully the inserts weren't in the trainers.

You don't live in West London by any chance? This letter just came through my door from school over the back of me.

Was thinking how a reception child can throw a year 6's shoe out of sight . At a guess size 8//9 school shoe is quite bulky for a small child to lop anywhere. Sure it actually went over a hedge not into. Would forget reimbursement and accept your son was a bit lax leaving his shoes unattended.

Was thinking how a reception child can throw a year 6's shoe out of sight . At a guess size 8//9 school shoe is quite bulky for a small child to lop anywhere.

In my experience I think they could do it quite easily. I don’t understand why anyone would doubt it.

You can imagine this situation if reversed.

"My child threw an older kid's shoe into the bushes. It was nowhere to be found. The parents now have the cheek to ask me to part pay for a new pair of shoes. AIBU?"

The OP would be crucified!

@MelbourneClown03 ....

Hi OP, having read everything YANBU. The headteacher handled this very badly indeed! And how they can say they were supervised when no one had told the 15 or so boys in y6 who ALL took their shoes off and none of them were asked to put them back on even though they had been playing for a while!

I do wonder if the Reception year child’s older sister had asked him to throw one of the shoes as a prank?
All the posters saying the Reception year child wouldn’t understand that throwing a shoe over a fence was a naughty thing to do can jog on! Nursery children would know this!

I’d like to know how the Reception year child’s parents would react if the shoe was on the other foot (no pun intended!)

The fact that safeguarding issues have arisen is appalling! I would definitely complain! Not just for the shoe but to get an investigation over the apparent ‘lack of’ supervision. The school’s Complaints policy should be on their website (so you are fully clued up!)

Hope you find the shoe! And all the best xx

MelbourneClown03. Lol! That’s too funny.

BTW. Have you found the shoe?

I cannot believe people blaming ops son for taking off his shoe. If another child hit him with a cricket bat would it be his fault for having a cricket bat?
The school should have informed the childs parents of what he had done, that's not acceptable behaviour and a 4 year old should understand that.
Id expect the parents to contribute towards the damage their son has made ie the destruction of a pair of shoes.
It does seem some heads don't want any negative issues at their school so ignore them.

I am another one who thinks that the yr6 kid should not have taken off his shoes or accepted the consequences when it goes wrong. It's part of growing up.

Btw I am amazed that the head told the OP who the other parents were.

he's learnt his lesson unfortunately - but sadly the whole incident has left a bad taste and soured his last few weeks there - thing is he's a good kid, never caused problems before, his teacher said she'd love 30 kids like him in her class because he's so sensible and hardworking ... so that's why I find the heads response so meanspirited. a genuine apology was really all we were after
tbh he said he wouldn't have left his stuff unattended at secondary school - they were just innocently playing, carefree and minding their own business

I don't think it's anyone's fault, but if my child did this, I'd be offering to pay what I could afford to compensate you. You're not being unreasonable, imo. You just sound like a person who'd be sympathetic if it was the other way round.

I've been reading this thread since Wednesday, and not commented because other people have said it but drinking now

OMG! Reception children playing around Year 6 children? UNHEARD OF in schools where I work. They're kept well away from each other. The EYFS children are usually segregated from the rest of the school by fences or geography or both. Actually, usually EYFS have their own space, and often KS1 and KS2 are kept separate as well.

I can understand if they're starting to integrate reception kids ready for transition into Yr 1 by moving them to the other playgrounds, but this should be very closely supervised, and usually if it's early (like this is) at times when most of the school is inside doing lessons.
SATS week in school is a bit bonkers, and lots of the normal rules don't apply, but all staff will know when it's SATS week and should plan accordingly.

It's shit that the year 6 children weren't being supervised, but you can kind-of argue it, esp with the lunchtime supervisors there to keep an eye. It is absolutely UNACCEPTABLE that reception children are not closely monitored. There is no way that a reception child should have been able to wonder over to see a sibling without being clocked by an adult and monitored. What if that child had been hit by a cricket bat or ball? To me, that's the issue. And I think it's huge.
Staff may not have been there in time to stop the shoe throwing, but they bloody well should know if a reception age kid was wandering up to a load of year 6's, who should be playing in a completely separate part of the school.

Boo hiss to all the PPs who are saying that 11 yr olds shouldn't kick off their school shoes to play on a boiling hot day on a school field (so no broken glass or anything dangerous). Take your collective sticks out your arses! The kids have had a monster week, and deserved to have some R&R without a consequence such as this.

There are moral arguments about whether the reception kid's parents should pay or not. That's up to them.

And the Headteacher sounds like an arse. I don't think the problem is the missing shoe. The problem is the orthopaedic insert, which the school should absolutely pay to replace. Shame on them.

So, OP, I DO think you've been shabbily treated by the school. And I think you should press this point to them.