To think we have been treated shabbily by school ?

[Myrnafoy]

Really need some advice as I'm not sure who is exactly being unreasonable!
Essentially Ds in year 6 had his shoe thrown into a garden by a reception child. Last day of Sats and the class had been told there was no further teaching for the day. Ds and friends decided to play cricket on the field. It was so hot they all took their shoes and socks off and dumped them in a pile. At break time said child above randomly chose ds' shoe and lobbed it over a high privet hedge. Obviously no malice involved. The boys enlisted the dinner ladies to help search for it but unfortunately there was no sign of it. I'm not sure they took it seriously as no one bothered to let the teaching staff know. Reaction was a kind of resigned shrug.
I went into school as soon as Ds came out. I managed to speak to a teacher who was initially a bit incredulous and insinuated that it was probably a prank orchestrated by the year six boys. Flortunately it had been witnessed by several children and the boy himself owned up to it.
Response from the teacher was that Ds had been silly to take his shoes off in the first place, what did he expect with all the young children around ? So actually quite dismissive.
Over the next day or two no progress, so ex-p went in on Monday to see if the school would inform the child's parents of the incident. I suppose we were hoping they'd contribute towards a new pair of shoes but not necessarily the full amount. Initially the head refused point blank and accused us of overreacting. I'll hasten to say that ex-p was perfectly polite but he was shocked by how obstructive she was. The fact is the shoes were relatively new and more than £40. They also had a special insert - Ds has had 9 months of intensive physio for an ongoing condition and the insert was part of the treatment.
Eventually head agreed to speak to the parents. When she phoned ex-p with their number she told him that the boy's dad had spent all evening searching for the shoe and had seen it in a tree in the garden. Ex-p dutifully headed off to try to have a look in the garden but neither he or owner could locate it. Ex-p naturally rang the mum to see which tree they were referring to but the mum changed her story and admitted it had been a child who'd seen it !
When politely asked if she'd care to contribute to a new pair of shoes
she declined because the head had told her to !
I really don't know what to do apart from fume. I personally would have been mortified if my child had done a similar thing and definately offered some kind of financial contribution. I also guess I'm shocked at the head's apparent lack of impartiality and empathy. Unfortunately the school is in a leafy fairly prosperous area of town so I doubt she realises that anyone is experiencing finanicial hardship ! I suppose what l would like to know is whether I should officially complain about her conduct or am I indeed being unreasonable?

I understand why you're annoyed at the school's response tbh. But, from their pov, they can't be held responsible for your DC leaving items lying around or another DC then throwing said items away. No matter their supervision levels, they couldn't pre-empt that the DC was going to grab and throw a shoe.
Maybe the other child said he threw the shoe into a different area and that's why their dad didn't go into the garden?

The Head phoned to give you another parent’s number ? That must be against data rules, surely.

And wouldn’t taking shoes off make playing cricket harder ? - unless the school has springy, lush grass in which case - play on !

My biggest concern would be the lack of supervision on the field for the year 6.

But also if a child threw a shoe then it must be in one of the gardens and on that basis I would spend an evening looking just for the insert.

I would definitely put my child in the brightest pair of trainers till the end of summer. Enjoy that freedom while you can because at secondary they have to have school shoes for the next school day

I don't think cheap supermarket shoes will cut it, commenters, if the boy needs special inserts and is recovering from a foot problem.

Sorry, OP. That really sucks.

Children take items of clothing off all the time outside at primary school: jumpers, hats, jackets, etc. And they also leave their waterbottles and lunchboxes outside frequently. That doesn't mean ANYONE should be chucking those items over a fence because they were taken off / put down.

That being said, a Reception child is just that: a REception child. 5 at the oldest. They'll know it's wrong, but they won't understand the extent of the problem for you.

The teachers and head, though, have behaved poorly: the teacher for initially refusing to believe it could have happened and then blaming the Y6 child when he had to accept that it did in fact happen. The head for also blaming the Y6 child. Again, children take things off outside all the time; often they are told to for a variety of reasons. The shoe should have been searched for immediately with the help of school staff.

I would be very cross with the school. I would also be making it clear that until my child's feet grew again, he would be wearing shoes he already owns, end of, unless the school is going to pay for a new pair.

I'm amazed that a reception aged child can throw that far and why on earth did the school disclose a private phone number

Just to be clear that if my child did this, I would be paying for a new pair of shoes for your son and my child would working off the payment with jobs around the house suitable for a five year old. It is not on to do that to someone's elses property, that said the child is very young, so on balance we would absolutely pay.

But she isn't going to, so just choose a home pair of shoes and he can wear them to the end of term.

Your head sounds lacking in the necessary diplomacy skills, but I couldn't do that job with constant aggravation, so who am I to comment.

Sympathy from me. Dd and DS have inserts and they've cost over £440.

Oh my child would be going to school in lime green Nike for the rest of term, because I would NOT be replacing those shoes

Does the school have some kind of insurance policy in place that you could enquire about, which you could potentially claim from?

Failing that, being fairly bolshy, I'd probably write to the school, state that the shoes were thrown over the fence whilst your child was presumably in the care of the staff, and ask what they plan to do about it? Your son removed his shoes to play a game of cricket - that seems reasonable. Why weren't the younger children being supervised and prevented from throwing shoes over a fence?

Why are people amazed that a reception child could throw a shoe over a hedge? It’s not that hard.

If I had been the other child’s parent I would have offered to pay (or at least make a contribution and a huge apology)

Sorry if I have missed this but where was the shoe thrown to? Into someone’s garden? Have you looked for/asked for the shoe back?

I doubt the school will think it is reasonable to remove shoes to play cricket.

I think you are going have to just replace the shoes, it would be nice for them to offer but they definately dont have to.
If my 4 year old DS threw someone elses shoe and lost it then I would straight away be paying to replace them but then if my 11 year olds show was thrown and lost by a reception child then I would just suck it up and pay for the new pair even if they had offered knowing that this wasnt the childs parents fault so its difficult.

Thanks for some of those supportive and sympathetic messages. To reiterate we were only given the number after the head had ok'd it with the other parents. To be honest I don't know what we were hoping to achieve by speaking to them - certainly wasn't to extort money. Just to inform them what had happened as the school hadn't done so.

I live near a school and found a lone childs trainer in my garden last week!
I am intrigued as to how it got there as it must have been thrown from a car park adjacent to my garden or otherwise I had "trespassers" (which has happened before)

I put the shoe in a prominent place in the street it was not there the next day.

Sorry OP I think you will have to suck this one up your DS had no need to take his trainers off, this is just a consequence, of daft behaviour. He probably won't do it again!
Not really the schools fault!

"Your son removed his shoes to play a game of cricket - that seems reasonable"

Yes i thought we were encouraging kids to excersise more?! And surely if the school dont want kids removing their shoes and leaving those and other items unattended then no more PE lessons right?!

I think you hit the nail on the head OP when you said its a school in a prosperous area. Sounds v like the sort of carry on that would happen in my DCs old primary school. We had great things like if kids took jumpers off at lunch, often another kid would pick them up and put them in the lost property bin. Fine except only a parent could take sonething from that bin. Ideal if you're a working parent! I lost count of the jumpers that went that way.

Having said that when DS2 was in y6 a reception boy and his friends decided to try and flush jumpers down the loo, and took DS2s off his peg to use. The mum was INCREDIBLY apologetic and sent a replacement home the following day which I was really touched by. And felt a bit bad accepting as D'S only had a few months left at the school. But i did really appreciate she'd acknowledged responsibility on behalf of her child.

What I do feel about all these incidents is where's any supervision? How were these reception kids allowed to do this unchecked? I would view that as a failing by the school in both the situation I describe and the Ops.

I think you're just going to have to let it go. I definitely wouldn't be buying new scool shoes until September though - he would go to school in whatever shoes he wears in his free time.

School not scool!

I'm more concerned that 10/11 year old children who'd finished tests were let loose unsupervised for the rest of the day. What on earth were their teachers doing?

I think most reception age children know not to pick up other people's shoes and throw them over the hedge by this stage of the year. (SEN excluded) I'd expect the school to have explained to the child that it's not on bit the school can't force the other parent to pay.

But if the shoe isn't in that garden, it must be in one of neighbouring gardens - or the shoe didn't go over the hedge at all. I would be going up and down the street starting from the identified house and asking the inhabitants to check their gardens and I'd have a note ready to put through the door if I really wanted to find the shoe.

It is really annoying but I don't think the school should suggest that another parent pays and if they don't offer or want to I don't think there is much you can do about it.

I'd have apologised and replaced as well as given my child a punishment. I have a child in reception and would be furious if he did this

I really think it ought to be possible to find the shoe! Can you look for it yourself? Must be in there somewhere! Otherwise, I suppose it's unfortunate but the child must be very little if in reception and it's probably not worth making a stink about it. If it were me I would set myself a challenge to find that shoe!