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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think we have been treated shabbily by school ?

166 replies

Myrnafoy · 23/05/2018 14:51

Really need some advice as I'm not sure who is exactly being unreasonable!
Essentially Ds in year 6 had his shoe thrown into a garden by a reception child. Last day of Sats and the class had been told there was no further teaching for the day. Ds and friends decided to play cricket on the field. It was so hot they all took their shoes and socks off and dumped them in a pile. At break time said child above randomly chose ds' shoe and lobbed it over a high privet hedge. Obviously no malice involved. The boys enlisted the dinner ladies to help search for it but unfortunately there was no sign of it. I'm not sure they took it seriously as no one bothered to let the teaching staff know. Reaction was a kind of resigned shrug.
I went into school as soon as Ds came out. I managed to speak to a teacher who was initially a bit incredulous and insinuated that it was probably a prank orchestrated by the year six boys. Flortunately it had been witnessed by several children and the boy himself owned up to it.
Response from the teacher was that Ds had been silly to take his shoes off in the first place, what did he expect with all the young children around ? So actually quite dismissive.
Over the next day or two no progress, so ex-p went in on Monday to see if the school would inform the child's parents of the incident. I suppose we were hoping they'd contribute towards a new pair of shoes but not necessarily the full amount. Initially the head refused point blank and accused us of overreacting. I'll hasten to say that ex-p was perfectly polite but he was shocked by how obstructive she was. The fact is the shoes were relatively new and more than £40. They also had a special insert - Ds has had 9 months of intensive physio for an ongoing condition and the insert was part of the treatment.
Eventually head agreed to speak to the parents. When she phoned ex-p with their number she told him that the boy's dad had spent all evening searching for the shoe and had seen it in a tree in the garden. Ex-p dutifully headed off to try to have a look in the garden but neither he or owner could locate it. Ex-p naturally rang the mum to see which tree they were referring to but the mum changed her story and admitted it had been a child who'd seen it !
When politely asked if she'd care to contribute to a new pair of shoes
she declined because the head had told her to !
I really don't know what to do apart from fume. I personally would have been mortified if my child had done a similar thing and definately offered some kind of financial contribution. I also guess I'm shocked at the head's apparent lack of impartiality and empathy. Unfortunately the school is in a leafy fairly prosperous area of town so I doubt she realises that anyone is experiencing finanicial hardship ! I suppose what l would like to know is whether I should officially complain about her conduct or am I indeed being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Ohsuchaperfectday · 23/05/2018 20:07

So much worse goes on at our school and I have a feeling nothing is passed onto perps parents.

However what's astounding me is the shoes can't be found.

A weak tiny reception child has really got this shoe into orbit??!

Ohsuchaperfectday · 23/05/2018 20:08

I wouldn't offer to pay for shoes but I would help look for it. Just can't belive it not found for goodness sake!!

UnderthePalms · 23/05/2018 20:21

A fox probably took it overnight. Foxes love taking shoes

Myrnafoy · 23/05/2018 23:09

Sorry I'm late returning to the thread ! I probably vented a bit too much in my initial post... thanks for the suggestions
Have questioned Ds about it and apparently they were essentially encouraged to stay outside for most of the day but could pop into the classroom for a drink or the loo Shock. Friends daughter said most of them were hot and bored with nothing to do. Apparently the teachers had Sats paperwork to attend to ...so that would probably explain why there was no responsible adult to tell them to put their shoes back on !
Like posters up thread have said it's more the attitude of the head that has riled me ! She's very gushy and effusive, forever giving tearful speeches about how brilliant our children are, every child's exceptional in their own right blaady blah I'll just take it with a pinch of salt from now on ! As far as the orthotics are concerned, podiatry have told me they're happy to replace them next week thank goodness

OP posts:
emmyrose2000 · 24/05/2018 03:09

YANBU

I'm shocked at some of the responses on this thread. Of course the reception child's parents should pay for new shoes. Their child caused the problem. Maybe they can split the cost with the school as it would appear lack of supervision also majorly contributed to the situation.

I'm also confused as to how or why these two age groups were even in the same vicinity. Every school I've come across has had separate areas for the juniors and seniors, or at least an area just for the new entrants. Is this not the case at your school? I'd be asking the HT why all these children were left unsupervised so that something like this could happen.

thebewilderness · 24/05/2018 03:56

I am shocked that the teachers and the head have no problem with children stealing from other students. Not the sort of school that I would want to be teaching my children.

MaisyPops · 24/05/2018 07:48

There's a difference between saying 'it's ok to steal' and encouraging older children to take responsibility for their possessions.

It's not ok that the reception child did what they did. I'd expect school to have words with the child etc.

It's equally pretty silly for Year 6 students to take their shoes off when playing outdoor sports and then leave their stuff lying around.
One of my friends is a lunchtime supervisor. At the end of lunch she ends up picking at least a dozen jumpers, socks and hair scrunchie etc up off the field that have been thrown off to one side. Then the arguments over 'so and so took ny jumper'. Did it have your name in? Why wasn't it on your peg. How are they meant to determine which jumper belongs to each child when half have no names abd all have been used as goal posts?

VanessaShanessaJenkins · 24/05/2018 07:58

A very similar thing happened at a school I use to work at and the school ended hip paying for a replacement pair.

herethereandeverywhere · 24/05/2018 08:08

leave their stuff lying around errr, they took their shoes off to play cricket and left then in the vicinity of where they were playing, in school and not in a public area. I think it's reasonable to expect no harm to come to items of your school uniform in that scenario.

Should kids leave their jumpers and coats on in the heat, lest they get thrown over a fence by an unsupervised child?!?! The year 6 child did nothing wrong and their family is paying the price. Awful handling by the school.

MaisyPops · 24/05/2018 08:17

I'm not saying the child was ok to throw the shoe.
I am saying that outdoor play means wearing outdoor shoes so taking them off and leaving them about was silly.

squeezylemons · 24/05/2018 18:05

People are being way too harsh on you.

  1. Whilst your child is in school they take on the responsibility of caring for your child.
  2. They would be quick enough to charge you if your child had damaged something.
  3. The head passing on the other parents number is a breach of data protection.
  4. The head should not be influencing anyone’s decision (telling parents to decline)
  5. Who was supervising the children at this time. You seem to have been told different stories from staff. If they believed it was silly for the children to take their shoes off then they should have told them to put them back on.

I would complain!

jwpetal · 24/05/2018 18:11

Personally, I would write a letter of complaint. The head should not be involved if the parent wants to pay. After a year of school, that child should not have thrown the shoe and should learn consequences. Your son is learning about not trusting other students and the little one about not throwing shoes. Split the price and the Head stepped over the line advising the parent's not to pay.

How many parents have taken their child's shoes off to run in the grass or play in the sand. Another person takes them, there should be consequences. Rubbish that he should have known better. I take my shoes off and yes, there is a chance that they are taken, but what a ridiculous chance.

personally, i wouldn't buy another pair and just wear other shoes. if the school does not like it. Who cares...it is only 6more weeks.

squeezylemons · 24/05/2018 18:24

@myrnafoy who was supervising the children?

sweeneytoddsrazor · 24/05/2018 18:35

Does the school have some kind of insurance policy in place that you could enquire about, which you could potentially claim from?

My goodness with the amount of lost property in most schools any insurance premiums would be sky high

derxa · 24/05/2018 18:40

Apparently the teachers had Sats paperwork to attend to ...so that would probably explain why there was no responsible adult to tell them to put their shoes back on ! What would that be? The test finishes and then everything is sealed up.

derxa · 24/05/2018 18:43

How are they meant to determine which jumper belongs to each child when half have no names abd all have been used as goal posts? the kids identify them by smell. I'm not being nasty or facetious here.

ittakes2 · 24/05/2018 18:56

I think reception children know right from wrong and that throwing shoes is not OK. If I was that child's parent - I would have also paid. Unfortunately though, it is one of those things, if they have said they won't pay then there is nothing you can do about it.
If you have a local parent website - you could make a plea for another pair of shoes for cheap to tide you over until end of term...and if you were tempted to mention they were unfortunately lost due to a child throwing them over a fence it might make your post more interesting.

Cannockcanring · 24/05/2018 18:56

I think a reception child should take responsibility - I wouldn't have accepted that as acceptable behaviour from mine at that age.
That's amusing, and how would a 4/5 year old do that exactly? Personally pay for it from his wages? Climb the hedge to recover the shoe? What useful action cam the child take?
I consider the school responsible - if this happened in a park, the people supervising the DC4/5 would be expected to watch him, and no one would say it's just bad luck he did it, or don't take your shoes off or its your own fault of a little kid throws one!.

Payitforward55 · 24/05/2018 18:57

YANBU
If my child threw the shoe I would be definitely paying for a new pair and be mortified!
The school are unbelievable! Although not sure what you can do about that. I was once aghast to hear a teacher saying she disliked a child in her class because he wasn’t picked up early to let her leave early after a school party!!

Cannockcanring · 24/05/2018 18:59

My goodness with the amount of lost property in most schools any insurance premiums would be sky high
But this wasn't lost in that way, a child was seen by several people to throw it and the staff didn't attempt to recover it (would have been a lot more likely to be found if someone went to the house right away and asked to look...).
That isn't the same as a DC forgetting where they put something at all.

Inertia · 24/05/2018 19:02

I'm astonished that there was apparently nobody supervising the children . Lots of schools give children the opportunity to run off steam after the SATS- games, even water fights- but I'm genuinely astounded that there was no adult supervision at all, and I'd be asking questions about that.

PotteryLady · 24/05/2018 19:09

The school don't really care they have better things to do than worry about a kid who has lost a shoe - I'm sorry but it's the truth. We had a kid at school who thought it would be funny to take his shoes off and throw them around and lost one on the roof. Parent wanted the school to send someone up to get and was told no for H&S reasons. Not happy but tough.

Sparklyglitter · 24/05/2018 19:19

Sorry the child made a mistake but should School and parents be teaching any child that there isn’t a consequence when they do something wrong! Reception is old enough to understand that lobbing a shoe over the fence is inappropriate - Reception kids are not toddlers! Sounds to me like poor parenting on reception child’s parents and poor attitude from head. Although I’d doubt you’d get anywhere with it, but you could always write a letter to governors asking them to keep your issues with head on file...

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 24/05/2018 19:22

I think you have unfortunately had a rough deal,the parents should buy new shoes and orthotic insole
It was impulsive act,not malicious.but nonetheless you’re now at loss of shoe & orthotic Insole
And i completely get that a kid can hurl a shoe far,and it’s not retrieved

SoFake · 24/05/2018 19:24

I’m surprised at some of the responses. 🤔

OP is being reasonable
OPs son was being reasonable
Head teacher was being very unreasonable
Little kids parents were being very unreasonable
Little kid was being unreasonable
Supervising Teachers were being unreasonable

I’d be really pissed of at the other parents. If my kid had done that I’d pay for new shoes.

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