To think we have been treated shabbily by school ?

[Myrnafoy]

Really need some advice as I'm not sure who is exactly being unreasonable!
Essentially Ds in year 6 had his shoe thrown into a garden by a reception child. Last day of Sats and the class had been told there was no further teaching for the day. Ds and friends decided to play cricket on the field. It was so hot they all took their shoes and socks off and dumped them in a pile. At break time said child above randomly chose ds' shoe and lobbed it over a high privet hedge. Obviously no malice involved. The boys enlisted the dinner ladies to help search for it but unfortunately there was no sign of it. I'm not sure they took it seriously as no one bothered to let the teaching staff know. Reaction was a kind of resigned shrug.
I went into school as soon as Ds came out. I managed to speak to a teacher who was initially a bit incredulous and insinuated that it was probably a prank orchestrated by the year six boys. Flortunately it had been witnessed by several children and the boy himself owned up to it.
Response from the teacher was that Ds had been silly to take his shoes off in the first place, what did he expect with all the young children around ? So actually quite dismissive.
Over the next day or two no progress, so ex-p went in on Monday to see if the school would inform the child's parents of the incident. I suppose we were hoping they'd contribute towards a new pair of shoes but not necessarily the full amount. Initially the head refused point blank and accused us of overreacting. I'll hasten to say that ex-p was perfectly polite but he was shocked by how obstructive she was. The fact is the shoes were relatively new and more than £40. They also had a special insert - Ds has had 9 months of intensive physio for an ongoing condition and the insert was part of the treatment.
Eventually head agreed to speak to the parents. When she phoned ex-p with their number she told him that the boy's dad had spent all evening searching for the shoe and had seen it in a tree in the garden. Ex-p dutifully headed off to try to have a look in the garden but neither he or owner could locate it. Ex-p naturally rang the mum to see which tree they were referring to but the mum changed her story and admitted it had been a child who'd seen it !
When politely asked if she'd care to contribute to a new pair of shoes
she declined because the head had told her to !
I really don't know what to do apart from fume. I personally would have been mortified if my child had done a similar thing and definately offered some kind of financial contribution. I also guess I'm shocked at the head's apparent lack of impartiality and empathy. Unfortunately the school is in a leafy fairly prosperous area of town so I doubt she realises that anyone is experiencing finanicial hardship ! I suppose what l would like to know is whether I should officially complain about her conduct or am I indeed being unreasonable?

Surely they aren't permitted to just take their shoes off at school line that?

To be honest I would be fuming too. It may have been a prank, and you are not setting to have anyone punished but I don't see why you have to fork out £40+ for a pair of new shoes. The attitude of the school is appalling and I suspect if similar issue happened with school property they would be singing a different tune. That said I think, if you can afford it, then it may be better to let it go. The attitude of both the school and the other parents seems to indicate to me that you will just spend more time being wound up and stressed out.

You'll probably not get anywhere but:

Write to the HT explaining how disappointed you are with her dismissive attitude and apparent impartiality in this incident, Remind her t hat her staff failed to supervise, that your DS has inserts and that, all in all, for a variety of reasons, you felt that the school fell short in its duty of care for all of the children involved.

Add at the end that had she personally been in anyway understanding, sympathetic or even a tiny bit bloody helpful, you wouldn't now be left feeing annoyed and resentful!

Send him in trainers for the rest of the year. Schools like his sounds will hate that! Bonus points for making them the brightest ones you can find

The other parents should reimburse that's the decent thing to do. The school should let your child wear trainers for rest of term so you dont have to buy new ones.

I'd be horrified if dd did that, she's reception age and has known better since before she started at the attached nursery at 3. We'd be offering to pay for a new pair of shoes the moment it was clear the shoe was lost. I can easily see how it would happen, but I would be questioning the school about their response to it. I'd have expected them to be responsable for completing a proper search, probably by making it a competition for the year 6s to find it. For a letter to be sent out to local residents too, in hopes they might be able to find the shoe before it's ruined by rain.

It might be worth asking if your school's insurance would veiw it as a medical aid. We had a similar incident when a pair of £600 specialised shoes were damaged in an accident and the policy covered it as it wasn't seen as a personal possessions but as essential medical equipment.

I think people saying it's only £40 so what , well £40 is a lot to find out of the blue 6-8 weeks before the end of term. The OPs son is in y6 so probably growing rapidly - the lost shoes would probably have done him til the end of the year and then he'll need new ones for yr 7. I wouldn't be at all happy about buying new shoes now and potentially again in Sept.

Conversely if laying out £40 is no big deal, then why hasn't the mum of the reception kid offered to pay it...

OP I agree with the suggestion about trainers. If the school don't like it they can fund a replacement pair of shoes themselves. And start supervising kids properly at break times!

"Send him in trainers for the rest of the year. Schools like his sounds will hate that! Bonus points for making them the brightest ones you can find"

complete with flashing lights.

If I were the kids mother I would have given you some money and apologised profusely, however, you can buy 2 pairs of black plimsolls in Shoezone for a fiver. If the thought doesn't make you boke and rush off to snort beluga caviar.

I would definitely give the forty pounds.

Children are always taking off jumpers when they are hot. I've not come across children taking off shoes, but other children (even in reception) should know that you don't pick up other people's things and lob them across a hedge. A 4 or 5 year old wouldn't have the maturity to think through the consequences, but would still know that they were doing something naughty.

2 children in my class threw another boy's sunhat over a hedge this week and the hat couldn't be found. In one way that wasn't as serious as the OP's situation (a hat is much cheaper to replace), but in one way it was worse as they had taken the hat off the other boy's head.

I let the mum of the hatless boy know what had happened at the end of the day (I didn't name names, but let her know that it was being dealt with) and called the other 2 mums into class so that I could explain what had happened in front of their children. They were suitably mortified; the following morning they apologised to the boy concerned and (without being prompted) they bought a replacement hat.

As a school you can't force a parent to replace things that their child has damaged or caused to be lost (you just have to hope that they do the decent thing), but the least you can do is ensure that everybody knows what has happened and apologise to the parent whose child has had an item taken or damaged.

I'm baffled at some of the attitudes on here that if you leave your possessions somewhere in school - tough. Everyone else has free range to do what they want and it's your fault.

It's not okay for kids to touch other stuff without permission. If it was something that could be mistaken for a piece of school equipment (eg: a ball) I'd have been more sympathetic - but a shoe?!! By the time kids are school age they know that shoes are not toys and that it's not okay to mess with stuff if you haven't got permission. And that shoe must have been launched to end up over a hedge and lost. That's seriously naughty, not a little bit of messing.

I'd want to know why the kids were not being adequately supervised and why the head teacher finds this behaviour acceptable and tolerable. What kind of lesson is this for the reception kid and all who saw it? The act may have been without malice but it was wrong - and there is a clear lesson to be learnt from that. The school should be supporting that, not acting like they can't be arsed.

Actually if dd or ds did do that, while I would feel responsible for paying for a new pair of shoes and inserts I would be pretty upset with the school too. I'd be asking why no one had noticed year six pupils taking off their shoes while playing outside. I should think after sats they are understandably tired and in need of time to relax. I would have expected a basic level of suprrvision in case they made less senaiable choices to normal.

I remeber doing wellie tosses with 2/3/4 year olds and they can lob them pretty far and hard. I wouldn't question one of them getting a shoe over a hedge easily. It actually makes me wonder what would have happened if the projectile had caused any damage to a neighbouring property what would have happened. I'm sure a shoe would damage a green house or shed window.

however, you can buy 2 pairs of black plimsolls in Shoezone for a fiver

Unfortunately her son is very unlikely to be able to wear these shoes given that his £40 shoes still required insoles and he still has an ongoing problem which a cheapy £2.50 pair of shoes is likely to make worse.

Sounds like it's the attitude of the HT rather than the incident that you are annoyed about? It would annoy me too, I wouldn't expect the school to pay for the shoes but some kind of acknowledgement from them would be appropriate.
I'm a TA, if I put something of mine down and a child threw it over a hedge I would expect an apology. If I was the other parent I would offer as much as I could afford to the replacement shoes. If I was you I would send DS to school in trainers for the rest of the year.

OP - l think the School has been unhelpful. I am very glad ds2 is coming to the end of y6 too.

Many year's ago at our Christian faith school a parent fell over just outside the grounds and broke his leg. Whilst l went to help him, l took my eye off DS2 who was 3yrs old. He promptly picked up a stone and broke a window.

I was absolutely mortified and of course paid for a new window. However what made me angry was the good christian head teachers attitude. She told me that the next time l do my "Florence Nightingale act" she suggests l take me children with me.

I would also have paid had my child chucked someone else's shoes over a wall. After properly searching high and low for it. It can't have disappeared into thin air!

I think he head teacher is in difficult territory. The school can't take financial responsibility for everything that happens to stuff in school, and they can't actually dictate how other parents react when their child is responsible. It may be that the Head told the other parent that she couldn't make them pay, and it is clear that the other parents couldn't care less and have no conscience so they have probably also not been transparent about what the Head said to them.

I also can't see why it is your child's fault that they took their shoes off.

But....in schools and around kids...these things happen. It's bad luck that a small child picked your kid's show, it's bad luck that child has parents who don't take responsibility.

It is especially bad luck that your kid's shoes have orthotic adjustments.

I feel for you, but I don't think you have many options except to feel fed up with the other parents.

What will you have to do to replace the inserts OP?

Victim blaming much?
Eh!? Are you for real?

Firstly, by year 6 (if not sooner from friends in primary) most children are told where to put their things if not being used.

Secondly, if children are outside, their shoes should be on their feet.

(People would be whining at the school if a child cut themselves, was stood on etc whilst playing cricket with no shoes on because they are playing sport outdoors and should have shoes on. This is year 6 here!)

Whilst it's not good that it has happened, leaving items lying around is hardly taking responsibility for your things. It's like parents complaining that expensive glasses have been moved or misplaced in a large school but their child left them on a desk in a classroom used by 3 teachers in a morning and 90 students. Usually they turn up, but it's hardly school's fault. The responsibility for their items lies with the child (especially if it's something of value or importance).

This wasn't anybody's fault. Your son couldn't have foreseen this happening just from taking off his shoes. The reception child was too young to foresee the consequences of lobbing a shoe over the hedge. The child's parents weren't around to stop him and presumably haven't taught him to throw random shoes over hedges. The school can't watch every child every minute of the day.

The person who's at fault should pay, except nobody is at fault. You're the only one with a vested interest in seeing your son in shoes with the insert he needs, so the payment falls to you. It's not fair but life isn't.

I don't see why a child being reception age gets his parents off the hook for things he destroys or lobs into thin air. If he was in a store and broke something expensive should the store just take the financial hit?

It is unlikely a reception child could lob it that far. Have you looked in the hedge as opposed to over it?
That aside, I would ask the head about her comment as she was clearly accepting her advice?
I too would be mortified and offering to pay towards the shoes by the way!

It is unlikely a reception child could lob it that far

It really isn't. I'm confused why people think children of 4 and 5 cannot throw high enough to get a shoe over a hedge. I would argue most children in the average class could throw that far, those who couldn't would be an anomaly.

I wonder if the other parents are offering to cover the costs simply because they might not be able to afford it?

As the parent of a reception old child I'd be very miffed that my young child was unsupervised so I might request the school pay for the shoes, particularly if I couldn't afford it.

The shoes aside, what are you going to do about the inserts?

I think a reception child should take responsibility - I wouldn't have accepted that as acceptable behaviour from mine at that age.