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Original poster

Stinky visitor

380 replies

HasPegOnNose · 21/05/2018 10:02

I have a (distant) relative staying for almost 2 weeks.

We are 1 week in and he is refusing to wash. He stinks and is making my house stink. There is a horrible musty sweaty smell about him and the room he is trashing at my house.

His clothes are also filthy. I ask him for his laundry and he gives me a bunch of stuff while still wearing the stained shirt he had on yesterday. It has a good stain in the middle of the front.

There is a greasy circle on the pillow where I imagine his (unwashed) head has gone. The room stinks, literally stinks Angry

Also he is rude to my friends and ungrateful.

He seems to be treating me like a hotel, putting in food orders as he never likes what we are eating. I have gone out of my way to check what he wants but he still makes snide comments and looks unenthusiastic.

The other day he said he liked egg, (I'd checked he liked egg before making the sandwiches, I hate egg but got some especially for him.) When I was making the sandwiches he wandered in and says that's not for me us it... I don't like egg in sandwiches!

I am fuming & at my wits end...Counting down the days until he leaves.

He has been before and never gave me so much as a bunch of flowers or card as a thank you gift. Thankfully it was not at the height of summer and it stayed a few days, I don't think he showered then either but the smell was not as bad.

I was a bit Hmmthen...but he is definitely never coming again!

I have name changed in case this gets picked up by the Daily Fail: but it is all true and I cannot believe the rudeness and cheek of anyone who would act this way.

I hope I am not BU here- but you know, it never hurts to check on MN!

OP posts:
DwangelaForever · 21/05/2018 10:39

Not being an arse but there is a difference between liking eggs and liking eggs in sandwiches - I eat eggs but egg mayo sandwiches are things of the devil 😷

Motoko · 21/05/2018 10:40

You said he smells of stale sweat, that's got nothing to do with the stoma.

My ex had one, he washed the area and replaced the bag every day. It didn't stop him from having a bath at all.

gamerchick · 21/05/2018 10:40

He needs to be told to get a shower or he can find somewhere else to stay. You and your bloke together if you have to.

Or suck it up. Your choice.

MartagonLilies · 21/05/2018 10:41

OP please say something to him. Don't put up with his urine soaked hands, and his week(s) old sweat, and his dirty smells any more.
No need to be rude, just polite and direct.
I'm not at all surprised he doesn't wash his hands after using the bathroom.
One of my BIL is like this, and it's fucking gross. Not surprisingly, we never invite him to visit. I know I'm generalizing here, though I find it tends to go hand in hand with general laziness, and bad habits/ rudeness.

Original poster
HasPegOnNose · 21/05/2018 10:45

When he emptied his bag it STANK the whole house like a sewer. I wasn't sure if it was normal but when I came home from work the other day, DP had to meet me outside to warn me. DO had thrown all the windows in the house wide open - but oh the stench! I took 'brian' to one side and said, Brian, I know this is an awkward conversation but is it usual for it to smell so bad when you empty your bag? Is there anything you could do to mitigate the smell? He shrugged and says 'yeah sometimes smells bad'. I said I'm really sorry but it's affecting the whole house (we were stood about 4 rooms away downstairs and it still STANK.

A couple of hours later he wanders in and says he will change the bag at a public convenience in future.

I'm sure if he took proper care of it and his personal hygiene it wouldn't have smelt so awful: however I don't know anything about them and wouldn't want to lambast him for a medical issue he can't help.

OP posts:
QueenoftheNights · 21/05/2018 10:45

You have 2 problems- stinky man and your DP. Your DP needs to grow a pair. Fancy saying leave it- for another week!!!

You or him need to man up.

Don't know your guest from Adam but if he is so thick skinned it begs the question if he is on the spectrum ( don't all shout- I used to work with ASD people) and he just doesn't 'get it'.

You need to be blunt. Shower and jeep showering or find a B&B.

FizzyGreenWater · 21/05/2018 10:45

'DP doesn't agree...'

But you think differently, and to be blunt you are right - but either way, DP is entitled to his opinion but you're more than entitled to completely ignore it if this is now an issue for you. It does not matter if DP doesn't agree that you should say something.

'Guest, I don't wish to offend but can I ask you to please use the shower today?'

'Sorry no/I don't need to/maybe later.'

'Then I am really sorry but we are going to have to come up with another plan for accommodation after tomorrow. We are used to people taking regular showers, washing hands after using loo etc and I am finding it very hard to cope with our different hygiene regimes. I certainly don't want to make you feel awkward, shall I look at some local B&bs?'

Hillingdon · 21/05/2018 10:47

How gross, I suspect he is elderly and having showers every day is not something the generation before did.

I agree with Game. You either tell him that he needs to have a shower and clean himself up or you just suck it up. Having said that - one shower over the next week is not going to make a huge amount of difference. He sounds like he really doesn't give a toss.

The rest of the family seem to have dumped him on you knowing his ways.

Original poster
HasPegOnNose · 21/05/2018 10:47

That sounds very good Fizzy...thanks.

OP posts:
Original poster
HasPegOnNose · 21/05/2018 10:48

Hillingdon, I agree. I think I will need to explain to the rest of his family if he does leave. It does seem like they are aware and don't want to stay with him!

OP posts:
Original poster
HasPegOnNose · 21/05/2018 10:49

Hillingdon- yes he is 60+ unsure exact age. Still utterly gross though.

OP posts:
Original poster
HasPegOnNose · 21/05/2018 10:52

Queen, I think you might be onto something with the spectrum possibly- he is SO rude I do wonder if it's because he just doesn't realise he is being rude.

OP posts:
SilverHairedCat · 21/05/2018 10:52

No, you can't blame him for the smell from the colostomy bag, that's not fair at all. Ask him to open the window / turn on the fan / use another loo in the house / use VIPoo / use Febreze etc.

GetOffTheTableMabel · 21/05/2018 10:53

I favour the direct approach too but, if you decide to go for it, do be specific. If he can walk around smelling this bad, he may well be someone who thinks ducking under warm water for 2 minutes will fix it. “If you want to continue to stay with us, you need to go in the bathroom and wash thoroughly with plenty of soap and shampoo and change into clean clothes so that you smell fresh. You will also need to continue to take a daily shower and to wash your hands properly after using the loo.i am sorry to be so direct but I have tried subtle hints and it simply isn’t working. This is our home and I need to feel comfortable”.

If he tells you that you are being rude, please tell him that it is rude to smell.

Emmasmum2013 · 21/05/2018 10:54

Book yourselves into a hotel for a week if he can't afford it. Leave him in the house and tell him to fend for himself! He'll have to cook his own meals then.

Then burn everything he's touched when you get back.

I'm joking of course... I'd be tempted to pay for his hotel stay myself if it meant I got my house back to normal.

CoraPirbright · 21/05/2018 10:54

The thing is though if he was stinky but very sweet and charming, it would be a different scenario. The fact that he is rude as well ......well, he just has to go, doesnt he?!

Original poster
HasPegOnNose · 21/05/2018 10:55

Silver- i know, no-one can help shit smelling. However it was particularly strong- and I think it just tipped me over the edge on top of everything else. I got him vip poo & left in the bathroom- but he simply didn't use it or even open a window.

OP posts:
SilverHairedCat · 21/05/2018 10:57

I think that's the point though - you've been dropping hints which he isn't getting. Time to be blunt.

StUmbrageinSkelt · 21/05/2018 11:00

Colostomy bags do stink when they are emptied. If his appliance isn't waterproof, then he should be changing it when he showers. I didn't think there were any that weren't waterproof available these days though.

If he is short of bags, it's not as simple as popping to the chemist. No chemist will have colostomy wafers and bags in stock just in case. They are very specialist items.

Original poster
HasPegOnNose · 21/05/2018 11:01

Example of his rudeness: yesterday I said 'Brian, we are all going to x(local beauty spot), would you like to come? He was watching tv at the time. He looks up & says 'do I have to?' !!!! And then 'no, I've seen it before' ...

No 'no thank you, but I'm really into this show/ feeling tired/ thanks for offering'..... I find his behaviour v odd / rude / ungrateful.

OP posts:
amusedbush · 21/05/2018 11:01

I definitely think you're beyond hinting. If he was dirty when he arrived it's obviously not just an issue about being uncomfortable in someone else's home, etc. If his bag is not waterproof then he should have had arrangements in place. Not showering for two weeks is disgusting.

Original poster
HasPegOnNose · 21/05/2018 11:04

St umbrage, he is very mean (financially) so prob has the cheapest/ oldest model. I think he has to pay for healthcare where he lives.

He just stood beside me the other day expecting me to pay his £13 NT entry fee! I had to say, sorry Brian, money is tight at the moment, and I spent a lot on fuel the other day collecting you from the airport, I can't afford to pay for you today.

OP posts:
HazelBite · 21/05/2018 11:05

I don't think his age has anything to do with it I am guessing he lives on his own, and these sort of habits tend to go hand in hand with those who live alone.

NoMorePills · 21/05/2018 11:08

don't worry about offending him.

just say "Brian, you will shower or you will have to leave this house and find somewhere else to stay. You are being very rude and we will not tolerate it".

TomRavenscroft · 21/05/2018 11:14

Do what littlemiss says. Although I might leave out the hygiene bit because it's quite a sensitive area, and just say you can't host or cater for him any more.

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