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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stinky visitor

380 replies

HasPegOnNose · 21/05/2018 10:02

I have a (distant) relative staying for almost 2 weeks.

We are 1 week in and he is refusing to wash. He stinks and is making my house stink. There is a horrible musty sweaty smell about him and the room he is trashing at my house.

His clothes are also filthy. I ask him for his laundry and he gives me a bunch of stuff while still wearing the stained shirt he had on yesterday. It has a good stain in the middle of the front.

There is a greasy circle on the pillow where I imagine his (unwashed) head has gone. The room stinks, literally stinks Angry

Also he is rude to my friends and ungrateful.

He seems to be treating me like a hotel, putting in food orders as he never likes what we are eating. I have gone out of my way to check what he wants but he still makes snide comments and looks unenthusiastic.

The other day he said he liked egg, (I'd checked he liked egg before making the sandwiches, I hate egg but got some especially for him.) When I was making the sandwiches he wandered in and says that's not for me us it... I don't like egg in sandwiches!

I am fuming & at my wits end...Counting down the days until he leaves.

He has been before and never gave me so much as a bunch of flowers or card as a thank you gift. Thankfully it was not at the height of summer and it stayed a few days, I don't think he showered then either but the smell was not as bad.

I was a bit Hmmthen...but he is definitely never coming again!

I have name changed in case this gets picked up by the Daily Fail: but it is all true and I cannot believe the rudeness and cheek of anyone who would act this way.

I hope I am not BU here- but you know, it never hurts to check on MN!

OP posts:
Original poster
HasPegOnNose · 22/05/2018 21:43

Oh and regarding he took it, he argued with me and said 'no I need to stay here as I can't afford a hotel..!'

I said - ask your daughter for help - and he said 'i can't she's gone home...!' - er so what - there is such a thing as a phone / email. Your financial problems are not my concern, I'm not a homeless charity.

IMO it's totally unreasonable to travel abroad for almost 2 weeks if you have literally no money other than what you have spent on the flight.

OP posts:
cushioncovers · 22/05/2018 21:52

Does he sleep in his clothes? If not take him in a cup of tea In The morning and round them all up and put them in the wash. Smile

Original poster
HasPegOnNose · 22/05/2018 21:57

Cushion - I've said he has to leave in the morning, so both he & his stinky luggage will soon be gone.

OP posts:
angelfacecuti75 · 22/05/2018 22:02

I think if he didn't wash I would be telling him you either wash or leave and find your own accommodation. Your making my house smell and you've been incredibly rude which is not acceptable. (I wouldn't elaborate as it gives him the idea that he can argue with it). If he says he's got no money say 'Well that's not really my problem is it it's yours? ! I and my family have bent over backwards to make you feel welcome in terms of food and we've saved you a lot of money and all you've been is rude and I'm grateful to my family and friends and I'm afraid I've had enough , I'm sorry "

Original poster
HasPegOnNose · 22/05/2018 22:04

Angel - you have pretty much nailed it there & summed up what I did say..!

OP posts:
derxa · 22/05/2018 22:07

I hope this thread consensus has been that I have not BU. Not really. The whole thing is bonkers. Why did he stay you? What do your parents think? I can't make head nor tail of it all.

Original poster
HasPegOnNose · 22/05/2018 22:08

In addition I called two hotels to find the cheapest rate for him... I think I've honestly done more than enough. He also said he couldn't afford a (5 min) taxi ride from the local hotel to train station tomorrow and could I collect him. Rightly or wrongly I said yes as it's no odds to me, I will be in town anyway- but it still smacks of utter entitlement. I mean, he could easily have walked. He only has a small rucksack (didn't bring change of underwear or any toiletries..)

OP posts:
Original poster
HasPegOnNose · 22/05/2018 22:09

Derxa, this is all covered up thread if you re-read.

OP posts:
Original poster
HasPegOnNose · 22/05/2018 22:10

Derxa- however I agree it IS bonkers, you're right there.

OP posts:
derxa · 22/05/2018 22:13

I will also have to disinfect the washing machine and get some drain unblocker to rid the shower plug of scalp flakes and general grot. Absolute nonsense.

Original poster
HasPegOnNose · 22/05/2018 22:17

Derxa- really?
Our ideas on cleanliness clearly differ. My home and I will do as I please to ensure I feel comfortable living in it.

OP posts:
Mirrorwriting · 22/05/2018 22:21

Your car will stink.

Original poster
HasPegOnNose · 22/05/2018 22:22

Oh yes- add car valet to the 'to do' list (although he'll thankfully only be in it for 5 mins).

Maybe derxa would like to come & valet it for me...? Grin

OP posts:
angelfacecuti75 · 22/05/2018 22:26

I was just thinking about the car I'm way too polite too but I do get to boiling point very quickly and have to say something ...

HeedMove · 22/05/2018 22:27

Op I think you need to stop being so hysterical. New phone fgs. What alot of drama.

Original poster
HasPegOnNose · 22/05/2018 22:29

He's been in my house nearly 2 weeks: in comparison a 5 min car ride pales into insignificance.

Also, he yesterday had a shower.

No shower today mind you, but at least yesterday he did have a shower for the first time in (I estimate) weeks.... albeit it only lasted for 90 seconds.

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 22/05/2018 22:34

blimey OP.. I hope get him out in the morning... Flowers

Original poster
HasPegOnNose · 22/05/2018 22:34

Heedmove, thank you for posting but it's my phone and if I feel i'd like to replace it I will. It's all very well for you to say I'm hysterical- I don't think I am - but I do wonder how you other people would honestly have coped with the grot I've been presented with.

And if i am being OTT about cleanliness- well, rather that than the alternative!

Good grief - I have had SHIT on my doors - how do you expect me to feel? My doors are white, my phone is brown dark grey.

OP posts:
Rocinante1 · 22/05/2018 22:40

I’d have marched him to the shower or kicked him out on day 3 at the latest - at least his daughter would still have been here and could deal with him. I think a lot of people would have dealt with it that way. You already said you’re a bit tight for money right now, so replacing phones etc is an expanse you don’t need when you could just clean it.

Original poster
HasPegOnNose · 22/05/2018 22:42

Rocinante- point taken, but phones are not that expensive and it does need replacing anyway.

I just can't stand the thought of his shitty hands having been all over it, it's difficult to clean all around the key buttons and grooves in the side.

OP posts:
Original poster
HasPegOnNose · 22/05/2018 22:43

(Just to clarify I'm talking about the landline, not getting a new mobile - new landline handsets are around £20 i think...?)

OP posts:
NellyFrestelli · 22/05/2018 22:47

I think the people who are saying you are being hysterical/overreacting have clearly led very sheltered lives and not been witness to people like him in public. They just don't realise how bad some people can be, it's the only explanation. I believe you though and think you have been saintly! I remember being in a supermarket queue next to two individuals once who nearly had me vomitting on the ground at the stench emanating from them. It was like a mixture of death, sweat, landfill, B.O, rotten food, unwashed hair etc etc. They were utterly horrendous and visibly filthy. The thought of one of them inside my home for 2 minutes let alone 2 weeks is making me feel ill!

Rocinante1 · 22/05/2018 22:51

Do your family here know what he's been like? If he's coming to visit them, will they pressure you to have him back next time?

You'll need to clean everything in the kitchen, all door handles, lights, sockets, lamps... It's just not ok for you to have to do that because you had a guest. I hope this is the end of it and they don't all start asking you for "just one more time" next year.

dipsticky · 22/05/2018 22:52

Not long til you get your house to yourself!

Fuckwithnosensesauce · 22/05/2018 22:52

OMG totally horrible. People with Altzeimers become very wary of showering. I think they get frightened of the water. This man clearly has something wrong with him. I think you should assume his family do not realise and phone them. They should at least have ensured he went to a hotel. I guess they do know, but think you should tell them how bad it was no holds barred!

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