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AIBU?

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Original poster

Stinky visitor

380 replies

HasPegOnNose · 21/05/2018 10:02

I have a (distant) relative staying for almost 2 weeks.

We are 1 week in and he is refusing to wash. He stinks and is making my house stink. There is a horrible musty sweaty smell about him and the room he is trashing at my house.

His clothes are also filthy. I ask him for his laundry and he gives me a bunch of stuff while still wearing the stained shirt he had on yesterday. It has a good stain in the middle of the front.

There is a greasy circle on the pillow where I imagine his (unwashed) head has gone. The room stinks, literally stinks Angry

Also he is rude to my friends and ungrateful.

He seems to be treating me like a hotel, putting in food orders as he never likes what we are eating. I have gone out of my way to check what he wants but he still makes snide comments and looks unenthusiastic.

The other day he said he liked egg, (I'd checked he liked egg before making the sandwiches, I hate egg but got some especially for him.) When I was making the sandwiches he wandered in and says that's not for me us it... I don't like egg in sandwiches!

I am fuming & at my wits end...Counting down the days until he leaves.

He has been before and never gave me so much as a bunch of flowers or card as a thank you gift. Thankfully it was not at the height of summer and it stayed a few days, I don't think he showered then either but the smell was not as bad.

I was a bit Hmmthen...but he is definitely never coming again!

I have name changed in case this gets picked up by the Daily Fail: but it is all true and I cannot believe the rudeness and cheek of anyone who would act this way.

I hope I am not BU here- but you know, it never hurts to check on MN!

OP posts:
TheHallouminati · 22/05/2018 05:11

Not meaning to excuse stinky guest but is there a chance he has a skin condition that can be exacerbated by washing and soap? And he's just given up washing in case he has a skin flare up?
Sympathies op, it sounds like a nightmare.

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/05/2018 05:49

You poor thing. It must be very hard to have guests, who don’t get clean after such a prolonged period. I hope he smells better now.

I think your next step is to wash all his clothes and insist he changes out of what he’s wearing and hands it to you once the rest of the clothes are clean/dry. And get him some very smelly man’s deodorant and spray it all over him while he’s on the sofa. If he objects, tough, this is your home. He’s blunt and rude with you, you need to do the same back.

What about washing the bed clothes too? That may also help. It’s a beautiful day so all washing will dry.

My brother, his wife and my aunt don’t shower daily. Apart from my aunt, these people are in their 40’s. Just why? They don’t particularly smell, even in summer so must get clean. They all stayed at our house for up to 3 nights without getting clean. And it’s not about being at mine, the same happened at theirs. Just yuk.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 22/05/2018 06:12

I would be asking him to leave....I suspect his immediate family have dumped him on you.

Difficult I know.... But the mix of the smell and his RUDENESS would be an absolute non-negotiable

SM2132 · 22/05/2018 07:31

I have read all this thread... I actually feel a bit itchy and gross just reading it.
I feel a bit sorry for him as he must have some issues- some people have literally never learnt how to wash/that it is essential and he will be nose blind to the smell himself. Does he have carers where he lives? He sounds like he needs some help. Although like others have pointed out, he has been capable of flying over so must be quite 'with it' so to speak.
Imagine, the poor people who have booked a long awaited holiday- excitedly get on the plane imagining ordering a lovely drink and reading a magazine and instead have to sit next to him and his flaking skin and stench.

How much longer till he leaves??

Original poster
HasPegOnNose · 22/05/2018 08:48

He leaves on Friday, so 3 more nights.

He is wearing clean clothes today (praise be) which I washed yesterday and the dirty clothes from yesterday are in the wash. Hopefully he will smell better on the flight home.

There are no visible scalp flakes on his clothes this morning which is s huge relief as it was making me feel Envy

OP posts:
Original poster
HasPegOnNose · 22/05/2018 08:51

Also....he IS getting risotto tonight. He didn't know what it was so maybe was reluctant to eat it (I explained it was rice?!)

I'm fed up of cooking special meals for him as it's causing major wastage and wreaking havoc with my meal planning.

OP posts:
HonkyWonkWoman · 22/05/2018 09:44

Some improvement in appearance then but has the smell gone?
You really must be the nicest person. 😇
I could not have done what you have done 😤
Never again though!!!!

TomRavenscroft · 22/05/2018 10:19

I'm fed up of cooking special meals for him as it's causing major wastage and wreaking havoc with my meal planning.

Well then stop doing it Hmm If he says he doesn't like what you're making, bright smile and 'Oh dear, well it's one meal for all in this house. If you'd like something else you can always use the kitchen, and you know where the toaster/bread/cereal etc are.'

But anyway, it sounds like his personal hygiene is still not cutting it. I'd book him into a hotel and drive him there.

Original poster
HasPegOnNose · 22/05/2018 10:21

Yes Tom, as the rest of my post said, he will be eating whatever we're eating from now until however long he is in the house.

OP posts:
Motoko · 22/05/2018 10:46

If he doesn't want what you're cooking, he can sod off out to eat.

123MothergotafleA · 22/05/2018 11:10

OP., you are a saint to have put up with that thoroughly nasty man for a full two weeks. Make sure you tell him clearly that he will not be coming back ever again. Whatever his excuse for his disgusting behaviour, be it mental health yada yada, he is an oaf.
I feel sorry for you and how much out of pocket and how much inconvenience he has caused you. I want to give him a good clout on the ear!

QueenoftheNights · 22/05/2018 13:11

ROFL at the idea he is 'elderly' at 60+

I'm 60+ and today I've showered in Molton Brown Ginger Lily, sprayed myself with Chanel and applied make up- Bobbi Brown, etc.

FFS- the PM is my age- are we saying we are unable to take a shower??? Hmm

StrangeLookingParasite · 22/05/2018 15:15

This is awful. Poor man. Never mind you'll soon have your perfect home back.

I nearly sprained my eyeballs rolling them at this little piece of sanctimony.

KurriKurri · 22/05/2018 15:27

Entice him o ut into the garden and hose him down - that's what i do when the dog rolls in something and thinks it smells delightful when it actually stinks.

I know several people with stomas - they do not stink at all, you would not know they have them.

If he hasn't washed the whole time he's been there, then that is why he smells, - stoma is a red herring. Does he have an mental health problems do you think that means he is unable to care for himself properly. (I was joking about the hosing, but it sounds like laziness and lack of consideration which would bug the hell out of me)

Original poster
HasPegOnNose · 22/05/2018 16:02

Queen he's actually 70+ but acts old(er). I know many who at 70+ still would not seem 'elderly'.

TBH I think the age is a red herring. The real issue is that he's evidently lazy and unconcerned with personal hygiene.

OP posts:
derxa · 22/05/2018 16:24

I nearly sprained my eyeballs rolling them at this little piece of sanctimony. Hope your eyeballs are OK now Grin

Arian1 · 22/05/2018 17:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DPotter · 22/05/2018 17:49

Arian

You need to start your own thread as this one is about a stinky visitor.
Go to the topic area, eg AIBU and then click on 'start a new thread'
best wishes - sounds a real nightmare. Get your MP on the case.

Jux · 22/05/2018 17:53

Just tell him he stinks, his room stinks and he is making your house stink, that he's rude to your visitors, and that if he doesn't like the food you provide then he can eat elsewhere.

Luie54 · 22/05/2018 18:02

There is no reason whatsoever why you cannot bathe or shower with a stoma. Assuming he has enough supplies- as in my experience, most people like to put a new one on after showering/bathing.

mylaptopismylapdog · 22/05/2018 18:13

How old is he? My Mum in law is elderly and has memory problems I had to make sure she washed when she came to us to us. I would be direct about it and ask him to leave if he didn’t comply. He should consider the person who is very kindly giving him lodging or leave.

mummyB1 · 22/05/2018 18:15

My partner has a colostomy bag which he has to change daily usual evening before a shower and empty through the day/night his bags are water proof so couldn’t se you relative having an issue with this also poorly maintained will make him ill I understand when he empties his bag the smell is bad but quick little spray of air freshener also I know this is gross but when my partner first had his colostomy bag he emptied it once and it went up the walls only little specks which easly bleached off also make sure you scrub the toilet bowl as it can leave a mark

Nanny0gg · 22/05/2018 18:33

Still curious about his living conditions at home.

growinganotherhead · 22/05/2018 18:39

His fussy diet may be because of the ileostomy; some foods can cause real problems. Bland and white is the way to go and jelly sweets can help if the output is very liquid.
He really should be extra careful about hygiene because of hs stoma. Adding something as simple as mint mouthwash to his bag each time he empties it would help.

Also is his bag the washable type as this could also cause smells if he doesn't wash it?

You really should not have to put up with this; he will have been well advised about hygiene by his stoma support nurse at home.

Singlenotsingle · 22/05/2018 18:44

Oh chuck him out, unless you want another week of this! I wouldn't care if he hasn't got money for a hotel.

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