Stinky visitor

[HasPegOnNose]

I have a (distant) relative staying for almost 2 weeks.

We are 1 week in and he is refusing to wash. He stinks and is making my house stink. There is a horrible musty sweaty smell about him and the room he is trashing at my house.

His clothes are also filthy. I ask him for his laundry and he gives me a bunch of stuff while still wearing the stained shirt he had on yesterday. It has a good stain in the middle of the front.

There is a greasy circle on the pillow where I imagine his (unwashed) head has gone. The room stinks, literally stinks

Also he is rude to my friends and ungrateful.

He seems to be treating me like a hotel, putting in food orders as he never likes what we are eating. I have gone out of my way to check what he wants but he still makes snide comments and looks unenthusiastic.

The other day he said he liked egg, (I'd checked he liked egg before making the sandwiches, I hate egg but got some especially for him.) When I was making the sandwiches he wandered in and says that's not for me us it... I don't like egg in sandwiches!

I am fuming & at my wits end...Counting down the days until he leaves.

He has been before and never gave me so much as a bunch of flowers or card as a thank you gift. Thankfully it was not at the height of summer and it stayed a few days, I don't think he showered then either but the smell was not as bad.

I was a bit then...but he is definitely never coming again!

I have name changed in case this gets picked up by the Daily Fail: but it is all true and I cannot believe the rudeness and cheek of anyone who would act this way.

I hope I am not BU here- but you know, it never hurts to check on MN!

He already stinks and you offered him Egg...... WHAT.... You are a glutton for punishments just imagine that smell with added egg farts... Oh my god

Can you get him an earlier flight? Poor you, sounds awful

I must say he doesn't quite sound like he's in his right mind

But his rudeness is no excuse and he should listen to you when you politely say you stink!

I don't shower every day. It's actually bad for your skin to do so, but I'm concious of how I smell. I wouldn't dream of doing this

Nanny- whenever I have visited the country where he lives, his family have kept me well away from visiting his house - now I know why. (And man am I thankful!!)

I imagine he must live in utter squalor. It doesn't bear thinking about.

Any 'normal' person would be extra scrupulous about hygiene & 'smells' when visiting (even if as a paying guest in s hotel...) - I know I would anyway!

Bekstar: I get you but I was running out of options. In the end he didn't want the egg (or anything else) do went without that night. I even offered to take him to Sainsbury's so he could get something that WAS to his liking....but got a wrinkled nose and a refusal. I simply don't care now - he can starve for all I care. Well enough to travel transatlantic flight: well enough to walk into town & feed himself.

When an ostomist has a shit it’s more likely to smell because their bodies are not compacting poo and taking stuff out like your normal large intestine will...

The notion Your “sure if he took proper care of it and his personal hygiene it wouldn't have smelt so awful” is nonsense...

Ostomy

Sorry posted too soon,

As an ostomist particularly if he is elderly he may be funny about showering with it/has he had it for a long time? Also if he is in Canada or the states he may not get much in the way of supplies free on prescription, they are more likely to peel in the shower so if he can only afford limited supplies he may not wish to bathe...

He is still being a rude bugger but having a stoma is a massive deal and for many a huge cause of anxiety in social situations, try not to lambaste him for that part of his life, none of us choose to have one or a condition requires one...

I hope your week passes quickly and he finds out about the lynx effect ;-)

Any FYI this “normal” ostomist is a careful as is reasonable but your comment as above is exactly what I’m talking about when I say about social stress from this.

I’m sure your shit must smell of

Moregin- I appreciate he can't help his condition. I have stressed thus alm the way through this thread.

However as others have said it's no excuse for very poor / non existent hygiene generally.

My sh*t smells as bad as the next person, however when I am a guest (even a paying guest in a hotel) I take care to ventilate the bathroom- and there are products such as VIPoo which can be used to mitigate the smell. Others with stoma knowledge have also said there are products which can go into the bag to mitigate the smell. Anyone concerned about smells would surely do their utmost to do whatever they could to lessen the smell.

I wouldn't dream of taking a dump in a bathroom next to a living room when staying as a guest in a hotel a- never mind as a freeloader staying Scot free - and not only leaving the door open or bothering to open the window, but not using any air freshener either.

I'm sorry for anyone who had this condition: but it's no excuse for plain bad manners.

Oh- and I expect you wash your hands when using the loo Moregin - he doesn't and leaves excrement on my door handles.

Deodorants for ostomists historically have been pretty expensive, not covered on most insurance policies if he’s had it a while he might not be familiar with things like VIPoo (invented funnily enouch by an ostomist)

Possibility at his age he’s past caring...

To be fair you asked him to shower and change and he has. he seems like he has other things going on and it’s unfortunate he has landed with you with all this extra baggage

but I find your little digs about his illness/disability very distasteful

🤑

Moregin, i apologise for any offence. Not intended. I think my patience is just wearing very thin.

I'm not aware of having made any little digs. I think I've been more than fair and accommodated actual filth when personal hygiene is very important to me, it has filled me with horror to have it compromised in my own home.

If there have been any 'digs' as you put it I think they were more to do with his general rudeness and lack of hygiene. The stoma issue is a red herring. Once again, I'm sorry for you and others who have this issue not out if choice.

If he lives in squalor chances are he doesn't see it any more and is probably (if Hoarders is anything to go by) suffering from a mental illness.

Whilst it's awful for the OP I do feel sorry for him

Nanny- if you'd had to put up with what I have this week I think your sympathy might have evaporated. He's just plain rude, apart from smelling and shedding skin everywhere. I do wonder if he has a mental illness. His underwear was in a dreadful state. If he can't afford to replace worn & stained clothing imo he shouldn't have taken a trip abroad....priorities!

And tbh his immediate family need to look out for him if he has mental illness- remember they all travelled at the same time as him but on separate flights and parked him with me while they stayed in a nearby air b&b.... I can now see why!

OP I feel so sorry for you, this thread has made me feel 😧
For you 💐

Thanks Katy... I sure won't be getting any from this guest when he leaves.... he thinks normal social conventions don't apply to him. I am so cross - partly with myself for caving in and allowing him into my home.

NEVER NEVER NEVER AGAIN!

Having a stoma does not stop you from washing at all though. No excuse.

Has he emptied the bag since the other day? I'm concerned he's not going to do it again in the house because of the smell.....

Yes he emptied it tonight. The smell was awful. He did say he would empty it in a public loo and was out in town all day but for whatever reason clearly couldn't do that.

Due to continued general rudeness, refusal to eat what I've prepared and continued not washing hands after using loo, (j have listened outside) I have tonight said he has to leave after breakfast tomorrow. I have booked him into a local hotel tomorrow night and then will take him to the train station to get a train to airport on Thurs. He was expecting me to get up at 3am Friday am & drive him to airport - I said I can't do that (can't afford the fuel did one thing, and he won't be paying for it...) so he's staying in an airport hotel Thurs night. Not my problem anymore.

I'm quite unhappy surprised his family haven't taken more responsibility for him.

Did they ever explain why they were staying elsewhere? And why they took separate flights? Or do you all know what he's like?

How did he take it? Poor you full on bleach and fabreze party!

Fourteenth- no. I found it very odd. They live very near each other in their home country too- I suspect they find the way he is as objectionable as any other reasonable person would. I hope this thread consensus has been that I have not BU.

It has almost tipped me over the edge psychologically and yes- I will have to boil the cutlery, dispose of his mug, bin his bedding, pillow & towels and deep clean the entire house.

I will also have to disinfect the washing machine and get some drain unblocker to rid the shower plug of scalp flakes and general grot.

I will also have to buy a new phone: there is a greasy residue on it 😷and particles of scalp in the groove along the side from where I had to do an impromptu (and insufficient) clean up job yesterday 🤢

I am also going to ensure the new phone has caller display so I never have to even speak to him again.

I bet you all anything he will, in spite of everything, call and ask to come again in about a years time.

(If he does I will resurrect this thread - just to give you some idea of the sheer thick skinned idiocy & cheek of the man..)

HasPeg, I really, really feel for you. That sounds miserable.