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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder wtf I should say?

158 replies

Istolethisusername · 20/05/2018 11:36

When I had my daughter my SIL (married to partners brother) brought round a big suitcase of clothes and a Moses basket for us. Nothing fancy, just your standard supermarket/high street stuff.

Me and partner split up, her and her dh divorced and we both moved away and lost touch.

I’ve just had a Facebook friend request and message from her - her eldest daughter has just had a dd and she would like all the stuff back she gave us.

Trouble is, my daughter is now 15 and I gave it all away to the charity shop years ago.

She never specified it was a loan, never asked for it back at any time, and I’m a bit perplexed that she has assumed that I have stored it all these years (I gave all my baby stuff away years ago)

Was I wrong to get rid of it?

How do I reply?

OP posts:
deste · 20/05/2018 15:28

The Moses basket is not 15 years old if the niece is 20/21.

BryanAdamsLeftAnkle · 20/05/2018 15:36

@deste the 20/21 year old is the oldest of the nieces. OPs child is 15

TaytoAllDay · 20/05/2018 15:36

Absolute CF block and delete the cretin

TidyDancer · 20/05/2018 15:40

This sounds like something my CF cousin would try to pull. Sounds like she's chancing her luck and has so little shame she thought it was worth a shot. If it was two years down the line from when she gave you the items and she'd got in touch to see if you still had them and asked for them back if you did, well that's reasonable. Contacting someone 15 bloody years later and implying a gift was actually a loan and trying to rinse money out of you because of it? Very fucking unreasonable.

Whereismumhiding2 · 20/05/2018 15:47

@sockunicorn I know you've changed your mind as XSIL sent impolite texts. But why on earth would someone buy a new Moses basket now even if she had asked nicely, to say thanks for 15 years ago her passing on a second hand Moses basket she (SIL) no longer wanted? She didn't ask for it back or say anything at the time.

Cos... that's a 'pay it forward' grabby plot with a steep interest rate!!! All our next generations would be set up for life..!! Grin
I bought my Moses basket 16 years ago, the one OP describes , it was £30. (So worth at most £7-10 secondhand back then, before 15 years of storage dust).

category12 · 20/05/2018 15:53

BryanAdamsLeftAnkle I think the point deste was making that the moses basket was second-hand when the person gave it to the OP -presumably it had been the 20/21 yr old's basket. So it wouldn't be 15 yrs old, it'd be older.

Whereismumhiding2 · 20/05/2018 15:53

Hello TidyDancer Lol!! You out it so well... Smile
YANBU at all OP to be Hmm

SilverDoe · 20/05/2018 16:10

So interested to hear what she replies OP! I also think she was hoping you would have made her feel bad and would offer money. Actually I don’t just think it, by her saying “what are we going to do to rectify this mistake?”, she is very clearly implying that you should be making some kind of offer to cover the “loss” of items (that she gave away 15 years ago ffs)

Also rolling my eyes at the “what are we going to do” Hmm

Vangoghsear · 20/05/2018 16:12

If you have not been in touch for years I would just ignore and not accept the friend request. No-one keeps baby stuff that long IME anyway.

Fanciedachange1 · 20/05/2018 16:15

Sounds like she was hoping you would say you didnt have the items, and make a financial contribution instead although £500 was a but optimistic!

In hindsight you should have answered the first message with “yes of course! Let me know when you are free to collect!”

Summerinrome · 20/05/2018 16:18

If you would like to stay in touch, tell her you have been looking for her partially to give back her things, but also because you wanted to see how she is doing. Sadly the baby things are too old and you gave them away. I would send her a congratulations on your new baby and life and would love to hook up when she has the time.

Quite why you want to stay in touch with someone crazy enough to ask for their 10 year old baby stuff back is a matter for you Grin

Summerinrome · 20/05/2018 16:21

Just seen the update as it didn't load up quickly enough!

what the hell?

Tell her to take up the missing 500gbp with oxfam. CF!!

You don't need these kind of people in your life Op. Trust me.

CoupleOfPushBacks · 20/05/2018 16:26

GrinGrinGrinGrin I'm fucking crying with laughter!! This woman is absolutely bonkers!!

I can't remember what I gave someone a year ago let alone 15 years ago!!

expatinscotland · 20/05/2018 16:51

'I would have sent a quick "what do you want me to do with these?" messages after I was done to be fair,'

The OP had no way of contacting her and she also changed her surname, which the OP did not know.

dontticklethetoad · 20/05/2018 16:55

Cheeky ducker at its best Grin

Well done OP!

Sparklesocks · 20/05/2018 16:57

It’s truly amazing how granny and entitled people can be, I really don’t know how they get through day to day life!

Well done for standing firm OP!

Sparklesocks · 20/05/2018 16:57

Haaaa grabby not granny!!

duchessofsussex · 20/05/2018 16:59

Blimey she is a cheeky one.

Original poster
Istolethisusername · 20/05/2018 17:11

Still no answer to nosquirrels reply. I’m hoping that’s it as far as the baby clothes goes.

My dd sent her 16 yo dd a friend request which has been accepted and they’re currently having a catch up on instagram. Looks like no contact between me and ex SIL is needed for the kids to facilitate a relationship.

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 20/05/2018 17:18

I'm literally speechless at her brass neck .. well done OP lol Grin

BewareOfDragons · 20/05/2018 17:25

As I thought, an utter CF chancer.

£500. Please.

Your response was perfect. It makes it politely clear you are not interested in engaging about 15 year old secondhand clothes or wicker baskets or giving her any money.

runsmidgeOMG · 20/05/2018 17:26

Wow ! Talk about trying it on!!!
Who seriously expects you to keep dust covered baby clothes ?!
Not saying your house is dusty of course but I'm waiting for the day I can get rid of all my baby things, they take up soo much space !

ALongHardWinter · 20/05/2018 17:27

She wants stuff back that she gave you 15 years ago?! I think she's having a laugh. YANBU.

kaytee87 · 20/05/2018 17:30

Ultimate CF!
Glad your daughter is catching up with her cousin though.

GnotherGnu · 20/05/2018 17:37

I'd have been tempted to use her wording to reply, along the lines of:

"Assuming someone will store your used baby stuff for you for 15 years is not good form. I did store it for X years, a facility which would have cost you £1000, but you seem to have forgotten to pay. How do you suggest we rectify your mistake?"