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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder wtf I should say?

158 replies

Istolethisusername · 20/05/2018 11:36

When I had my daughter my SIL (married to partners brother) brought round a big suitcase of clothes and a Moses basket for us. Nothing fancy, just your standard supermarket/high street stuff.

Me and partner split up, her and her dh divorced and we both moved away and lost touch.

I’ve just had a Facebook friend request and message from her - her eldest daughter has just had a dd and she would like all the stuff back she gave us.

Trouble is, my daughter is now 15 and I gave it all away to the charity shop years ago.

She never specified it was a loan, never asked for it back at any time, and I’m a bit perplexed that she has assumed that I have stored it all these years (I gave all my baby stuff away years ago)

Was I wrong to get rid of it?

How do I reply?

OP posts:
boilerhouse2007 · 20/05/2018 12:05

15 years ago???? jesus christ-YANBU, tell her to get a life.Haha this post has me laughing, I would tell her the truth.

Whereismumhiding2 · 20/05/2018 12:06

Literally ignore this. Don't reply. 15 years later is crazy. She gave it to you, it was second hand. It was yours to pass on as you chose. And you did. End of story. You don't need to reply or justify 15 years later!! No good will come of engaging with her now.

If she'd asked you within a few weeks/months of your baby growing out if it, fair enough to ask so you could pass it back if you still had it and she then stored it. She had plenty of time to do that back then. But she cleared out her house then expects you would instead have stored it for 15 years? Bonkers! Confused

Sparklesocks · 20/05/2018 12:08

How ridiculous! What planet is she on?

bullyingadvice2017 · 20/05/2018 12:11

Maybe she's making a awkward attempt at opening conversation?

ArsenalsPlayingAtHome · 20/05/2018 12:11

How lovely to hear from you after all these years! You're going to be a grandma - fantastic news, congratulations!

So sorry, I had a big clear out about 14 years ago, and gave your gifts, and all the rest of my baby stuff to a charity shop, or I would have gladly returned it to you.

Hope the pregnancy is progressing well. Take care x

Whereismumhiding2 · 20/05/2018 12:12

@istolethisusername
Ah cross posted. You want to reinstate friendship for DC's sake. That's nice but be careful as...

And anyone who would seriously ask for such items 15 YEARS later isn't going to take 'no' easily. She'll probably ask for cash or something.

^^ this

Whereismumhiding2 · 20/05/2018 12:14

@ArsenalsPlayingAtHome 's
reply is great for your purposes then

RB68 · 20/05/2018 12:29

Some people never forget what they give - second hand or not - My DS is like this - I have to ask permission to get rid of stuff. Also I ended up with a garage full of my two Ds's stuff when they moved out of a large house - 12 yrs later they are moaning its not like new - its garden furniture - which while not dirt cheap was inexpensive. It has been varnished/treated every year and is faded and worn but v useable. Sometimes you need to let go...

expatinscotland · 20/05/2018 12:30

I'll never understand people who do this, or anyone who would take a 'loan' of baby stuff. I'd have completely ignored her.

RB68 · 20/05/2018 12:31

How about something like this

DD is 15 these days so the baby stuff has long gone - I doubt it would e welcome after 15 yrs storage. Would love to buy your DD some clothes/gift for her little one though LMK when you would be up for a coffee and we can catch up and I can let you have the gift

Happinesss · 20/05/2018 12:32

15 years. She’s bat shit.

LionAllMessy · 20/05/2018 12:40

I don't get why the default response here for so many people would be so rude. I mean, obviously it's nuts to think someone would still have baby stuff 15 years later, but maybe she's desperate? Maybe she just wanted an excuse to get back in touch?

I would just reply asking how she is and being truthful that you gave it away to charity years ago because you had nowhere to store it and no need for it.

BelieveAnything · 20/05/2018 12:41

This is too ridiculous to have been a genuine request. I wonder if she is teasing or trolling you?

TwitterQueen1 · 20/05/2018 12:51

I'm being cynical here but I would expect a demand for cash when you tell her you don't have the 15-year old baby stuff anymore....

She's being ridiculous. And if you've been out of touch for so many years I'm not sure why you'd want to reinstate contact? It's not to find out more about your ex is it?....

hammeringinmyhead · 20/05/2018 12:53

There are worse things than being rude. I suggested ignoring it because as someone else said if you engage with someone grabby enough to ask for old baby stuff from 2003 then she probably will kick off and want some money.

LionAllMessy · 20/05/2018 12:55

I just don't see the point of assuming the worst. Might as well be civil, if she randomly "kicks off", then you can just block her.

Maybe it's just because I don't associate with crazy people, but my first thought would not be that she would ask for money.

Foxysoxy10 · 20/05/2018 12:58

I think she asked on the hope of you having got rid and her demanding cash for it all TBH.

I would go careful how you reply as it might get really awkward.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 20/05/2018 12:58

Surely 15 year old baby clothes would look odd now?! My DD is 17 and some of her baby photos look rather dated clothes wise!

hammeringinmyhead · 20/05/2018 13:00

It's not that she's "crazy" - I've had lots of experience with people who are just confrontational and self-involved by nature. It's the same kind of people who mow people down to get on the train first to get a seat and queue for the Next sale from 2am so nobody else can possibly get the best stuff before they do.

hammeringinmyhead · 20/05/2018 13:01

There are threads and threads of them on aibu - they change a fence on a boundary they're responsible for and want half the costs from the neighbours, for example.

pegdolly · 20/05/2018 13:04

I'd reply saying you are glad she's back in touch, as you have an invoice for 15 years storage fees.

Original poster
Istolethisusername · 20/05/2018 13:05

She asked for money!

(Are you all mystic meg?)

Oh no, I’m very disappointed. Giving away someone elses property, even if to charity, is not good form.

There were over £500 worth of clothes and accessories altogether, that I cannot afford to replace. Nor should I have to.

How do you suggest we rectify your mistake?

I’m gobsmacked!
There’s no mention of the children (I asked after them), just seems quite cold.

Do I ignore?

OP posts:
bellabelly · 20/05/2018 13:08

I think that bullyingadvice has it right. It's an awkward attempt to make contact after all these years. Having a child or grandchild does make you think about people you have drifted away from. I reckon she knows full well that the baby clothes have gone, she just wants to share her exciting news and perhaps hopes to rekindles the friendship.

hammeringinmyhead · 20/05/2018 13:08

Course she did. Yeah, I'd ignore it. If neither you nor your ex speaks to either of them then I'd block her too.

Witchend · 20/05/2018 13:08

I think most if the replies are unpleasant considering she did a favour back then.

Surely most people don't reply so confrontationally when sent a message like that.

"Really sorry, but we sent it to the charity shop. I would have checked with you but we didn't have a contact number. Congratulations on becoming grandma."

She's not crazy or grasping etc. She's asking. And you might have kept it. The Moses basket we had for our DC was over 20 years old and a friend of mil's who'd stored it since her last child offered it.
We put a new mattress in and it was fine.
We passed it on to someone else when we'd finished with it and I was told not very long ago they've passed it to a cousin.

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