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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious at bf’s brother and bf

245 replies

Ihavenamechangedforthis33 · 20/05/2018 07:59

My Boyfriends brother asked my BF to borrow him £25 yesterday and seen this morning on Facebook that he went to the cinema last night on a going nowhere date. Wtf? Why ask to borrow money and then go somewhere expensive like the cinema? I suggested posting something sarcastic about it on his Facebook and bf had a proper go at me. I am now sat in the garden to get away from him shouting and trying to enjoy the sunshine but it hasn’t reached the garden yet.

AIBU to think If you ask to borrow money from someone you don’t then just waste the money on things you don’t need? I assumed his brother was in a desperate situation when he asked. I am furious not that he borrowed his brother money but that brother then went out and watched a film at the cinema needlessly hoping for a shag I asked bf when he expected to get the money back and he said He doesn’t know. I think he is an absolute pushover and an easy target for his brother to keep asking him all the time. I would have told him no and to fuck off!

Not pushing it further but that is 25 pound that he probably won’t get back now. After a nice day yesterday watching the RW it has since been ruined by this mornings antics. Have posted about him before and was told BU last time but brother is a SCFS (super cheeky fucker scrounger). Should I raise the point of ensuring the money is paid back or just drop it even though I’m fuming about it?

OP posts:
Lizzie48 · 20/05/2018 15:44

It's not the same thing at all, didn't you go to school? Your bf lent the money and his brother borrowed it. It's not difficult.

FuckPants · 20/05/2018 15:45

The past simple and the -ed form are lent: I never lend my CDs to anyone. Borrow is a regular verb meaning 'get something from someone, intending to give it back after a short time': Could I borrow your pen for a minute, please?

FuckPants · 20/05/2018 15:46

And...

You borrow something from somebody. In other words, you take something from someone for a limited time.

You lend something to somebody. In other words, you give something to someone for a limited time.

TheBogWitchIsBack · 20/05/2018 15:46

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happypoobum · 20/05/2018 15:46

ARRRGGGHHHH!!

If You give me money you are LENDING it to me

I am BORROWING it from you.

It's like saying GIVE and TAKE are the same things - does that help you to understand.

The person who gives is lending.

The person who takes is borrowing.

Queenofthestress · 20/05/2018 15:48

No it's not.
Your dp lent the money to his brother.
His brother borrowed the money off him.
You lend the item to the person borrowing it. If you get what I mean?

TheBogWitchIsBack · 20/05/2018 15:48

Op you have the Internet. Google will give you definitions of words if you search for them.
Google is your friend.

Original poster
Ihavenamechangedforthis33 · 20/05/2018 15:49

Might be an area thing then but round here someone can borrow someone some money or something else. It’s over anyway Cos I’ve said sorry. Just frustrating can’t understand why he never says no I know he’s his younger brother but he can’t just keep asking all the time and using here as a place to sleep after a night out

OP posts:
TheBogWitchIsBack · 20/05/2018 15:51

I have always said loaned not lent.
Eg I loaned/ lent him a tenner
He borrowed a tenner
Do you see the difference?

Hoopaloop · 20/05/2018 15:51

*begged

happypoobum · 20/05/2018 15:54

he can’t just keep asking all the time and using here as a place to sleep after a night out

Why not?

DistanceCall · 20/05/2018 15:57

Just don’t get how nobody can see my side.

Your side seems to be that your BF's is asking your BF for 25 quid and spending it on something you don't like. So your BF should bitch about him on Facebook.

It's a ridiculous side. It may annoy you, but you don't get to decide what your BF does with his money or how he treats his brother.

pictish · 20/05/2018 15:57

If his brother lets him he most certainly can.

YouAreNotImportant · 20/05/2018 15:58

You say you like him but the way you talk about him is horrible.

Crikeyblimey · 20/05/2018 16:00

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midmidlifecrisis · 20/05/2018 16:01

I agree with PP's. Not your business. YABU.

Good you've apologised but you sound controlling and should perhaps seek some further advice about that.

Crikeyblimey · 20/05/2018 16:01

Ffs - it’s really hard NOT to say.

category12 · 20/05/2018 16:02

If you live together, share finances and money is really really tight, I can understand why you might be peeved about a loan of £25. If you don't share finances and aren't incredibly skint, then you're way out of line.

Original poster
Ihavenamechangedforthis33 · 20/05/2018 16:02

Your side seems to be that your BF's is asking your BF for 25 quid and spending it on something you don't like. So your BF should bitch about him on Facebook.

No not bitch about him Hmm I just meant a sarcastic comment like “oh you can afford that but u had to borrow money off us” I only said it jokingly anyway I wouldn’t have actually done it

OP posts:
WowLookAtYou · 20/05/2018 16:02

It's not an "area" thing, it's a fucking WRONG thing!!

Oldraver · 20/05/2018 16:04

Your B/F doesn't 'borrow' him money....He 'lends' it.

Mycatsarebetterthanyours · 20/05/2018 16:05

Once i got my head around the fact you said 'borrow' when you actually meant 'lend' I actually just felt sorry for your bf because you sound like a controlling person who tries to cause problems when there isn't a problem in the first place.

YouAreNotImportant · 20/05/2018 16:05

Why do you keep saying us? He's borrowing money from his brother, not you.

And how are you making sure he pays it back? It's not your loan - it's your BFs, you must really embarass your BF hassling his brother to pay him back. I'm sure he could handle it without you involving yourself.

DistanceCall · 20/05/2018 16:06

I just meant a sarcastic comment like “oh you can afford that but u had to borrow money off us”

And that's not bitching? Seriously? Hmm

Oh, and he did not borrow money off "us" (i.e. your BF and you). He borrowed money off your BF.

I only said it jokingly anyway I wouldn’t have actually done it

I suggested posting something sarcastic about it on his Facebook and bf had a proper go at me.

That's because what you suggested was nasty. You told him to bitch about his brother on Facebook, in public. Nasty.

AskAuntLydia · 20/05/2018 16:07

Lend, borrow, whatever.

Everyone's said why YABU.

However, one further thing OP: your instinct to post something passive aggressive on FB, is really a bad one.

I know it's tempting, we all fantasise about being sarky when someone has pissed us off, but the idea of actually doing it, for real, is not something any normal functional adult would even consider.

FB is a public forum. When you post anything, you are posting it for the whole world to see. Posting something passive aggressive, is the equivalent of shouting it from the rooftops to the other side of town, ensuring that everyone in every street hears. That is something that is calculated to exacerbate any situation and it is quite simply, unacceptable behaviour in an adult.

You sound like a teenager. If you're not, then you really need to get some life-skills, because you are dysfunctional as fuck if this is your usual modus vivendi. You are not in an episode of Eastenders, but it sounds as though you conduct your life as if you are. That must be very tiring for you and for those around you. Being a drama llama eventually pisses everyone off. Calm down.