I don't know if I'm being unreasonable about DH and cooking.

[Shinygoldbauble]

When I met my now DH he was fine about cooking. Before we had children he did about 30% of the cooking. Nothing fancy but quite capable of getting the groceries and preparing a meal.
Once we had kids and i became a SAHM I gradually started doing more until meal planning, shopping and cooking became almost 100% my thing.
I'm fine with it for the most part. DH works long hours and i have recently returned to some part time work.
I was working for a few hours today, on my feet the whole time doing very tiring work. DH did some grocery shopping while I was out and he was supposed to be doing the evening meal.
He just started cooking. He has a tiny steak - it won't come close to feeding 4 of us and he knows I'm not keen on steak. He is cooking about 5 tiny potatoes with it.
He didn't think of me at all. There is nothing for my dinner.
It's not the first time this has happened. If he is cooking for the family he invariably cooks something I'm not keen on and never cooks enough.
And now he's annoyed with me for being critical. I'm so fed up.

Discussing problems doesn't necessarily mean having a row, and you can't keep putting it off because of the kids. You do it once they've gone to bed.

All the passive aggressive don't cook for him only feed yourself, give him three strands of spaghetti comments are silly, and similar to the relationship you described between his parents. When you saw what he was cooking why not just have a normal conversation eg are you planning to do anything else with that, I don't think five potatoes and one thin piece of steak is going to feed everyone, I think there's some corn and salad. Also does he know how tired you are of cooking? When DH and I first lived together he laboured under the false impression that loving to cook is the same as loving planning daily meals and lunches to suit different dietary needs, on a set budget and not wanting to see food go in the bin, and that 'whatever you want' isn't a helpful response to what dinners do you fancy this week. I had to actually sit him down and explain that this is tiring and boring and sucks all of the fun out of something I actually enjoyed to some extent, I then challenged him with the budget and said make sure that covers meals for us both and breakfasts and lunches, don't forget all the household stuff needed, pets etc. He understood where I was coming from and he hasn't thought about the task in wider context, as when he lived in his own he worked long hours and had on set catering. He then asked what he could do to make things easier, did I want him to cook or shop or take turns etc. I still do nearly all of the shopping and cooking but he cleans the kitchen after me and washes up, he adds things to the fridge list when we run out and when I ask him what he wants for meals or lunches he has a few suggestions up his sleeve. He also spends the time I'm out food shopping doing other household chores rather than as free time. He does cook on rare occasion but it tends to be pizza or jacket potatoes etc which I'm fine with, but you need to talk about it and come to an agreement. You could've spoken last night when the kids were in bed.

I disagree about going passive aggressive.

Just tell him that you don’t think you are being unreasonable in asking him to cook on Saturday nights. You do all the other cooking and everyone needs a break sometimes. You don’t mind what he prepares or if he orders takeout but it would be very much appreciated if he could cook something you liked. Then leave him to it. Don’t remind him, don’t question him. He’s an adult. Men are perfectly able to cook dinner.

However, if you do want to go PA on him, get him some cookbooks for Father’s Day. Jamie Oliver, Hugh F-W, Hariy Bikers, they’re all men, they all cook, so can Mr Sulky-pants!

I gradually started doing more until meal planning, shopping and cooking became almost 100% my thing.
on days when he is supposed to cook he buys some random stuff and then tries to wait me out so I'll rustle something up

The problem is that you've enabled him to become lazy and selfish.....just because he works outside the house doesn't mean he gets to shirk his responsibilities inside the hoose.

He's an intelligent man. He's well able to do it if he wants to....DH said he was fine with what he ate, wouldn't discuss it and has gone to bed
So he knows EXACTLY what he's doing and how it affects you and the dc - and DELIBERATELY keeps doing it!
He's trying to wear you down even more mentally, emotionally and physically into total submission to his will.

Stop pussyfooting around the issue, confront him and give him consequences.
Stop tolerating his shit and accepting crumbs from him - him ordering a takeaway on his one night is not teaching him to consider the needs of the family.
So what if he's a 'hands on' dad in other ways...he doesn't get to pick and choose only the easier/better aspects of being a parent - do you?

Give him back 50% of cooking responsibilities - he can either adhere to a meal plan system or batch cook.
He can stick his nasty, passive aggressive, sexist bullshit up his arse.

Stop cooking for him, sand, just stop entirely. And don't order or pay for a takeaway for him.