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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't know if I'm being unreasonable about DH and cooking.

155 replies

Shinygoldbauble · 19/05/2018 19:06

When I met my now DH he was fine about cooking. Before we had children he did about 30% of the cooking. Nothing fancy but quite capable of getting the groceries and preparing a meal.
Once we had kids and i became a SAHM I gradually started doing more until meal planning, shopping and cooking became almost 100% my thing.
I'm fine with it for the most part. DH works long hours and i have recently returned to some part time work.
I was working for a few hours today, on my feet the whole time doing very tiring work. DH did some grocery shopping while I was out and he was supposed to be doing the evening meal.
He just started cooking. He has a tiny steak - it won't come close to feeding 4 of us and he knows I'm not keen on steak. He is cooking about 5 tiny potatoes with it.
He didn't think of me at all. There is nothing for my dinner.
It's not the first time this has happened. If he is cooking for the family he invariably cooks something I'm not keen on and never cooks enough.
And now he's annoyed with me for being critical. I'm so fed up.

OP posts:
WhiteHartLane · 19/05/2018 20:40

What a selfish man. How can he have the brass balls to serve that up to his wife and kids for their main meal and think its acceptable. Does he seriously think its ok to send his kids to bed on about 5 mouthfuls of food?? He should've apologised for his thoughtlessness and gone out for a takeaway for you all.

MysweetAudrina · 19/05/2018 20:43

Do you always complain when he cooks? Like are you every happy with it. When dh is cooking and asks me what I fancy I always say I don't mind and eat whatever is out I front of me. I shop and cook for 80% of our food. When I am not cooking i prefer to just be served and not have to think about it. I try to be grateful ( even when he made chilli con spaghetti and Bolognese con carne) if you don't really like steak then you probably don't serve it often so maybe that's why he choose it and then thought as you didn't like it much that there was no point buying more. Maybe he thought you wouldn't like it and would fix up something for yourself that you would enjoy.

SardineReturns · 19/05/2018 20:44

The only thing maybe that could be said is that steak is expensive, and some people do stretch it a lot.

That excuse cannot be made for the spuds.

Ohyesiam · 19/05/2018 20:45

When you talk to him tell him he needs lots of practice, as he keeps fucking up. He cooks for the next month.

3luckystars · 19/05/2018 20:48

I’m sorry you are dealing with this. It’s not fair.
I hope you can work it out together.

Rocinante1 · 19/05/2018 20:49

@SardineReturns

But that’s not a big piece of steak - it’s frying steak. They are super thin and usually come in a packet of 3 or 4 for a few pounds, so he must have gone to the meat counter and asked for one. If you do that, it’s because you’re making a stir fry or something - not a steak dinner. This isn’t a case of making a bit of meat stretch; he’s planned a steak dinner for himself, and then realised he was meant to feed the family. He’s a selfish idiot.

jugglingsatsumas · 19/05/2018 20:50

Is there anything he can cook? My dh has a limited repertoire but at least I know that with those dishes we will eat a decent meal!

Original poster
Shinygoldbauble · 19/05/2018 20:58

He can cook several perfectly enjoyable meals. I don't always complain when he cooks but this evening was a joke.
He makes a great roast beef dinner. His roast potatoes are better than mine and I've often told him that.

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 19/05/2018 21:08

Has he got mental problems? Early onset dementia maybe? (Ironical question - or maybe not?)

Foxysoxy10 · 19/05/2018 21:32

Well surely he is going to be hungry too? In which case I would be sneaking yourself and the kids something extra to eat and let him think you are eating just what he cooked and nothing else. He will soon realise he either cooks more or goes hungry.

Rocinante1 · 19/05/2018 21:35

@Foxysoxy10

Why should she and her kids have to sneak more food? That would be like they’re doing something wrong.
He should see her having to feed the kids more, because he didn’t provide enough for his children, and he should have it hammered into him that she’s having to cook more to fill them up and he can be the one who goes hungry. She should also serve him the same portion size for the rest of the month, or until he learns his lesson.

MrsCrabbyTree · 19/05/2018 21:36

So he went to the supermarket, his family meals were inadequate, a normal man would have grabbed something for dessert along with the dishwasher tablets. No way in hell did he not buy a treat for himself. Check the car, rubbish, wallet for the receipt. Hmm

balsamicbarbara · 19/05/2018 21:40

I'm not convinced he really is an "intelligent man". An intelligent man who can't cook would at least serve a decent portion of something gross Grin

mancmummy1414 · 19/05/2018 21:42

I don’t understand why you both didn’t just communicate and say ‘that’s not enough for the four of us, let’s go and get more’ why does it have to be one or the other?
No way would my kids be eating such a small meal!

Original poster
Shinygoldbauble · 19/05/2018 21:58

I didn't know what it was til he was already cooking. I was tired and was expecting a decent meal. When I questioned the size of the steak he got the sulks.
I wasn't in the room when he served it and then he left the house.
The kids were still up so it wasn't the time to sort it.

OP posts:
Melliegrantfirstlady · 19/05/2018 22:02

Op

This is very odd behaviour. Has he explained himself?

fitbitbore · 19/05/2018 22:03

I'm sorry but I'm crying laughing at that tiny meal.... wtf is he thinking. You wouldn't even bother putting it on a plate 😂

FullOfJellyBeans · 19/05/2018 22:13

It really is very odd behaviour. Even if he somehow misjudged the size of the steaks when he bought them, surely once he started cooking it would have been obvious and he could have found something else to bulk it up?

ichbineinstasumer · 19/05/2018 22:23

the sulks are a problem - means it's hard to have a serious conversation. I used to cook all the time and now DH does the cooking. I have really lost confidence and skills, it's quite difficult now for me to come up with a decent meal. Maybe this has happened to your DH? But you need to be able to discuss it and that's the problem. You are not in the wrong here but I think you need to find a non-confrontational way to speak to him and say there wasn't enough food.

ArchchancellorsHat · 19/05/2018 22:29

That lot would fit on a saucer. It looks to me like he was just going to sort himself out and never mind the rest of you. Maybe if you try to talk to him about it tomorrow - and definitely leave Sunday's dinner up to him be prepared to eat a lot of bread and butter afterwards

Cawfee · 19/05/2018 22:37

Lazy!

BlueTrousers · 19/05/2018 22:47

I hope someone made the kids something else and didn’t send them to bed on that pitiful dinner

Original poster
Shinygoldbauble · 19/05/2018 22:49

I fed the kids later. They are fine.
DH said he was fine with what he ate, wouldn't discuss it and has gone to bed.

OP posts:
Weezol · 19/05/2018 22:52

Please tell me you didn't offer to get/make food for him.

minimalpatience · 19/05/2018 22:56

Give him a boiled egg and a solitary soldier on Monday for dinner.