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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't know if I'm being unreasonable about DH and cooking.

155 replies

Shinygoldbauble · 19/05/2018 19:06

When I met my now DH he was fine about cooking. Before we had children he did about 30% of the cooking. Nothing fancy but quite capable of getting the groceries and preparing a meal.
Once we had kids and i became a SAHM I gradually started doing more until meal planning, shopping and cooking became almost 100% my thing.
I'm fine with it for the most part. DH works long hours and i have recently returned to some part time work.
I was working for a few hours today, on my feet the whole time doing very tiring work. DH did some grocery shopping while I was out and he was supposed to be doing the evening meal.
He just started cooking. He has a tiny steak - it won't come close to feeding 4 of us and he knows I'm not keen on steak. He is cooking about 5 tiny potatoes with it.
He didn't think of me at all. There is nothing for my dinner.
It's not the first time this has happened. If he is cooking for the family he invariably cooks something I'm not keen on and never cooks enough.
And now he's annoyed with me for being critical. I'm so fed up.

OP posts:
clippityclop · 19/05/2018 19:44

I would be asking him if he was ok. Is there anything else going on? I could understand if he'd just forgotten cook altogether, but buying a meal for one and then trying to stretch it is very strange. Did he think you were taking the children out or something?

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar · 19/05/2018 19:44

Guarantee he bought and ate a chocolate bar or something while he was out. Honestly, there is zero chance I'd be cooking for him again if he didn't sort this out. He's quite willing for the dc to go to bed hungry? (No, because he expects you to sort it)

Ragusa · 19/05/2018 19:44

So order in some takeaway. He is trying to control you.

Orangecake123 · 19/05/2018 19:45

I'm really shocked at his behavior. The picture looked sad. This definitely needs to e talked about.Order a pizza for you and the kids.

SandAndSea · 19/05/2018 19:45

Give him a good sniff. Does he smell of chips?

PinkHeart5914 · 19/05/2018 19:45

He actually served you that as dinner? Blimey I know what I would of said.

Seriously no normal minded adult serves that up thinking it’s an ok portion

Get on the phone and order take away OP!

expatinscotland · 19/05/2018 19:45

'I think on days when he is supposed to cook he buys some random stuff and then tries to wait me out so I'll rustle something up.'

That's exactly what he's doing. What an arsehole. I'd not cook him a thing anymore. Dick.

Iftheshoefits · 19/05/2018 19:46

So he could manage before but now he can't? Perhaps he needs to look up his times tables.... So he's just doing it to be awkward then. I would designate certain days for each of you to do dinner. Do a menu plan with a list of ingredients for him to buy (know u shouldnt have to but at least then he will still have to cook it and that's the worse bit! ) stay cool play him at his own game. Such dicks sometimes aren't they??!!

Original poster
Shinygoldbauble · 19/05/2018 19:47

I had PND a few years ago, I was in a bad place for a while. He didn't cope well. I don't think he likes me very much anymore.

OP posts:
RomeoBunny · 19/05/2018 19:47

He got mcdonalds while he was out.

Plasebeafleabite · 19/05/2018 19:48

Guarantee he bought and ate a chocolate bar or something while he was out

This 100%

I would be making him extra small portions from now on until he cracks and a sensible discussion can be had

Ginnotginger · 19/05/2018 19:50

I suspect he went to Mcdonalds/KFC on his way to get the dishwasher tablets. Go and sniff inside the car Smile

expatinscotland · 19/05/2018 19:51

'I had PND a few years ago, I was in a bad place for a while. He didn't cope well. I don't think he likes me very much anymore.'

Or his kids. Seems to consider you a domestic appliance there to serve him.

SardineReturns · 19/05/2018 19:51

Oh shiny

I was going to say, why not just say, hold on DH, this is hopeless, buy proper amount of food next time, don't be a dick.

But, you're not in a good place together are you.

I had PND as well and it must be v difficult for partners, but, this is not the right way to do things. Can you talk to him about stuff at all or are you not really communicating.

Original poster
Shinygoldbauble · 19/05/2018 19:51

We live in the middle of nowhere. He wasn't gone long enough for chips.

OP posts:
Melliegrantfirstlady · 19/05/2018 19:53

That is quite ridiculous. Is he very skinny? How on earth can you all survive on those tiny portions

Bizarre behaviour

Owlettele · 19/05/2018 19:53

Omg.....that dinner. My 3 year old would need more! Yanbu

Original poster
Shinygoldbauble · 19/05/2018 19:55

He loves his food. I'm a good cook, put thought and effort into healthy balanced meals. Probably too much effort really.

OP posts:
HotSauceCommittee · 19/05/2018 19:56

I hope you cried in front of him and made him feel shit.

Iftheshoefits · 19/05/2018 19:56

I like what 'doingitforthekids said. An ex used to make the tiniest side salad with a meal so I would make his tiny when was my turn but loads on mine! Soon got the msg! Also complained about something to do with washing so ended up doing his own plus his shirts ( not good enough when I did them) so I said jog on +do ya own then u ungrateful bleep!
.
.

romany4 · 19/05/2018 19:57

So, from now on, only cook for yourself and the kids.

Original poster
Shinygoldbauble · 19/05/2018 19:59

To be fair he doesn't expect me to wash/dry/iron his clothes. He'll clear up after dinner if it's not already done after I've cooked. He is hands on with the kids.
It's the food thing that is the major issue.

OP posts:
Katedotness1963 · 19/05/2018 20:00

You could put that lot on a toothpick and have a decent "nibble". That wouldn't even feed a toddler.

MayFayner · 19/05/2018 20:00

No way did he go out for dishwasher tablets, he ate something while he was out.

I like the idea of giving him a tiny dinner every night next week (I'm thinking one piece of penne and a flake of tuna), but in reality if DH did this I would say "I feel a doormat now, I'm not going to cook for you any more- or at least until you can make amends for this".

I got tired of always cooking so now I cook Mon- Thurs, we get a takeaway on Fridays and DH is in charge of dinner Sat & Sun. Sometimes he cooks, other times it's a pizza or something, I don't give a shite as long as I don't have to plan, shop for, or cook it.

expatinscotland · 19/05/2018 20:02

'To be fair he doesn't expect me to wash/dry/iron his clothes. He'll clear up after dinner if it's not already done after I've cooked. He is hands on with the kids. '

He's an adult! Working FT doesn't give you a get out of life free pass. Give him the same portions from now on.