To wonder what you think about people with disabilities buying sex

[huha]

Here is a link: tlc-trust.org.uk

I personally was at first 😲😲😲 but now am thinking 🤔...maybe this is a good thing?? AIBU?

You have a right to sex in the same way you have a right to someone else’s kidney.

As in - you don’t. Even if you needed it for life. You don’t get to use other people’s bodies unless they consent.

Someone with kidney failure still has all their human rights but they can’t impose their right to life on someone else and take their kidney.

No one has the right to sex, or to another persons body. You do not 'need' sex. Dressing prostitution up as a charitable act is despicable.

busybarbara

What planet do you live on

Disabled people can and should be free to engage in consentual sex(not prostitutes) and reproduction if they choose.

Do you also belive all disabled babies should be aborted, that they don't have a right to life because they have a genetic condition. Say that the all the cystic fibrosis sufferers.

I think a key element of any answer to this is if the person has a disability that can be passed on genetically. If so, do you think they should be allowed to have sex in case something actually happens?

I sincerely can't tell if you're trolling. Please be trolling.

Babelfish. We were talking about mental capacity

You do not 'need' sex

I’m not sure I agree with that. I would say I needed sex to live a happy and fulfilled life. However, I don’t have the right to satisfy that need at all costs and at the expense of turning others into a commodity.

I'd say I need sex and I actually pity all the people who say it's not important because it sounds to me as though they're doing it wrong.

With that said, nobody is obliged to provide me or anyone else with sex. If I can't get it, that's my problem, however anxious and unsettled it makes me.

Poor, that little dig doesn't really further the conversation does it?

I pity you for saying you need it. If a lack of sex makes you anxious and unsettled, maybe theres an underlying cause that you should look into. Is it because society expects you to have sex? Is it because we're constantly told that relationships are only good when theres lots of sex involved? Has there been some trauma in your life to make you feel that way? Is it because your relationships lack intimacy and sex feels like validation that its all going well?

It's not typical to need sex for good mental health. It is typical to enjoy it and initiate it with an enthusiastic and consensual parter, and miss it when you go through a dry spell, but need is completely the wrong word.

Honestly, want vs need is a conversation I have with children regularly. Worrying that some adults still haven't cracked it.

Yes it is sad that some people wont experience the joy of sex during their lifetime, there are many things lots of us would desire but dont have the opportunity to experience. Motherhood being one of them; but what do we do to tackle that? We provide treatment where possible, counselling, look into alternative options but even then many women have fulfilling lives without having a child. That should be the same for people that desire sex - treatment, counselling, alternatives (sex toys - not provision of a human.)

If you ever accept that there is a 'need' for sex, what precedent does that set? Where do you draw the line?

That disabled person needs sex, so lets provide it. That criminal needs sex, so lets provide it. Those incels need sex, so lets provide it. My husband needs sex, so I should provide it. I need sex, so my husband should provide it.

Its a ridiculous start to a downward spiral.

Humans are not a commodity and neither is consent.

There is no judgement on the women who are forced by circumstance or fear into prostitution - but there is judgement on those that buy into it.

Consent is vital but the idea of ‘enthusiastic’ consent is a dangerous one. People are allowed to consent for whatever reason they like, to conceive a child, to please a partner, for money.

To go back to the much loved ‘cup of tea’ analogy, many on this board would only make someone a cup of tea if they squealed with delight at the prospect. It is perfectly ok to join someone for a cup of tea to be social, even if you are not really in the mood for tea. If you say ‘yes please’ and drink the tea of your own volition that is consent, both legally and in the original English meaning of the word.

I have read the statistics about coercion and they are disturbing. However, the idea that should stop someone willingly having sex in return for money seems wrong. There have been other solution proposed which are always given short shrift. It seems to be more about controlling willing participants than stopping trafficking and coercion; otherwise all solutions would be considered in terms of outcome.

I don't think anyone here wants to stop prostitutes being able to sell sex.

What we want is to make it so it's not socially acceptable for men to buy sex.

Prostitution increases human trafficking, and increases the risks of violence and murder to the prostitutes.
Prostitution is damaging to all women because it allows men to think sex is a right that they should have met. This entitlement to sex leads to rape culture, coercive behaviour in relationships and use of prostitutes.
We can't have an equal society when men think it's ok to buy women.

to please a partner

If someone asks me if I want tea and I don't, I tell them "no thank you", they say "okay", and I don't have tea.
Do people really say yes to tea they don't want? Cause why - are you worried that not wanting tea will upset the person making it? That's ridiculous.

I would, sometimes!

It is just social. Clearly I wouldn’t if I detested tea.

I find it equally hard to believe that people think the way to live life is only to do exactly what they feel like.

@larrygrylls when it comes to my body, I only do what i feel like. As it should be . I won't eat or drink anything I don't want to. I won't do procedures cosmetic or medical (unless life threatening) unless I'm completely comfortable with them and want to.
I definitely won't agree to someone touching or putting something in my body unless I want them to.
It's not rocket science. It's my body and I decide what happens to it.

Rebel,

That is your prerogative.

Is this really true, though? Would you go out to dinner and inform your host that ‘no pudding thanks, I don’t want what you have cooked me, my body, my choice’?

Or might you consent to eating pudding out of politeness? I know I would.

Yup I just say no thank you I'm good . Just like I say no thank you to coffee,tea or alcohol. Refusing something is not impolite if you're not being a dick about it.
Ofc if someone doesn't get the hint and tries to shove things down my throat(insist on giving me lamb if you want me to puke all over your table) then all bets are off.

Ah, but if someone offered you £10 to drink a cup of tea would you think differently?

Thank you to the OP for posting this thread, and to all the people who have made such insightful comments. I have RTFT. At the start I wasn't sure what I thought but would have probably come down on the side of 'each to their own' but having read this I am now wholeheartedly of the opinion that the disability thing is sort of a red herring, and that the morality of the sex trade doesn't change simply because the customer has a disability. So thank you all for educating me.

So you're incredibly poor. You don't like tea, but someone says that they'll give you 20 quid to drink a cup. You'll be able to feed your children if you drink it........

Or might you consent to eating pudding out of politeness? I know I would.

Would you let a man you really didn't want to fuck you out of politeness? Pudding analogy is lovely and all but we are talking about letting someone fuck you.

Is your consent free if you’re skint? If you are addicted? If you’re under pressure from a pimp?

Bertrand,

I am not really sure I have the same issue with this. There is still no compulsion to drink the tea. Plenty of poor people refuse the tea and there children do not starve (in Western countries).

Why would you remove this choice from someone if that is what they want to do?

What puts you above this person who would like to exchange money for tea? Why do you get to tell them 'hey, this is not right, I forbid anyone to buy tea from you'?

I do understand what people are saying about coercion and trafficking etc. However, if it is a truly voluntary exchange, I cannot see the problem.

*their children

Ive managed care homes for disabled adults for years.Without getting in to the issue of consent per se, I will say that it's about 9 million times harder for disabled people to naturally meet other people to have sex with than it is it is for able bodied people.
It causes depression, frustration, anger issues, in both sexes. It's not just lack of sex, it's lack of any intimacy. Would you want to live your life that way? it's miserable. Plus support workers aren't allowed to offer a friendly hug anymore for safeguarding/boundary reasons-lots of disabled people never experience even just friendly human touch at all which is a bit tragic. And bear in mind that disabled people are already hugely disadvantaged in society sadly. This is another manifestation of that in lots of ways.

There was an interview on five live with someone from that website the other week and she spoke altruistically about it all (she would I guess but I was still impressed with her ethos). One of the sex workers was also on the programme and she had actively chosen to work with the website specifically with the disabled clients (after having chosen to go into 'regular' ,if you like,prostitution to fund her way through uni years earlier)
One of my service users regularly used to take himself down to the local high st in his electric chair and try and solicit sex workers. He was inevitably prayed apon by less scrupulous people, who pretend to be his friends and eventually robbed him. He found that mentally hard to deal with and was eventually arrested for soliciting as well. He had capacity, but at 43 just really wanted to experience intimacy on some level and was willing to take high risks to do so. It was a safeguarding nightmare and a very sad situation. I can't help thinking this website or others like it would have been a better solution.

However, if it is a truly voluntary exchange, I cannot see the problem.

Here is the problem: regardless of individual consent, any use of prostitues fuels the industry of prostitution. The industry of prostitution is very bad.