To wonder what you think about people with disabilities buying sex

[huha]

Here is a link: tlc-trust.org.uk

I personally was at first 😲😲😲 but now am thinking 🤔...maybe this is a good thing?? AIBU?

"However, if it is a truly voluntary exchange, I cannot see the problem"

No, you can't, can you? However often lots of different women explain it to you. Oh, well.

If you ever accept that there is a 'need' for sex, what precedent does that set? Where do you draw the line?

I said in my previous post: -

I would say I needed sex to live a happy and fulfilled life. However, I don’t have the right to satisfy that need at all costs and at the expense of turning others into a commodity

larry, you keep comparing sex to lots of things that are not like sex. I know you didn’t invent the tea analogy. But I really don’t think you have the empathy to get an idea of what prostitution is actually like. It’s not just mildly unpleasant or a bit of a drag. There was a former prostitute on R4 the other morning; I really don’t think you would tell her that her experiences were akin to drinking unwanted tea or cutting someone’s hair.

Larry, do you often consent to be penetrated by friends because it would be rude not to, or by random people because you're a bit short on cash for the week?

Moral of the story from Larry, if as a bloke you want to stick your dick in someone, just toss money at the woman and then it's okay.

They're probably in a very healthy place to consent and extremely fine about it, they probably enjoy it even, so why consider their feelings judge or check. If they have any problems they wouldn't be doing it. Even if experience and research almost universally suggests this is not true, and we all know from daily life that no one in their right mind or with proper options would select it as a career path.

It's exactly like drinking a cold cup of tea you didn't want in the first place.

Bravo mate.

Jacques that comment was not aimed at you, it was a reply to the OP and other PP about what we all think about the idea that disabled people could have access to prostitutes because of their 'need' to have sex.

I'm saying we cant start providing sex and supporting prostitution on the basis that some people believe they need it and so are you; I'm glad we agree on that.

We just disagree on the opinion about whether you can or cant need sex; I say you cant because need implies something that you cannot live without. I imagine there are many nuns and other celibate people continuing to live without sex in their lives so this to me is not a need, its a desire.

Possibly a very important part of your life and your happiness but not a need. But I am happy to agree to disagree as I think neither of us will win the other round and the most mportant point is as I said above, we do agree that sex is not a right.

@larrygrylls have you ever been in the position to sleep with the boss or keep you job?
Been threatened with violence or disfigurement for refusing to have sex?
Had to choose between buying food or medicine?

And that's without the whole background of abuse,mental health issues ,addiction etc.

If you haven't,then I don't think you can comment on "choice".

Hahahahaha Larry thinks that people should have sex out of politeness whether they want it or not.....

Larry's one of those guys who is absolutely pro feminist when it increases their chances of getting laid. Try to get them to speak up on any other women's issue and it'll be...interesting.

To put it very crudely, the person getting penetrated in all this isn’t the man. The person getting any pleasure is not the woman/sex worker.

If men were the sex that were penetrated, or if they had to consider a scenario of another man using them for their pleasure, I’m sure this entire argument, and others like it, would pan out very differently.

Last nigel that sounds awful. The solution is not to do awful things to another group of humans though.

Poor, that little dig doesn't really further the conversation does it?

I don't know, does it? Oh wait. You've added two paragraphs more, so I guess it does.

I pity you for saying you need it. If a lack of sex makes you anxious and unsettled, maybe theres an underlying cause that you should look into.

I'm giggling at the idea that there's actually something 'wrong' with good sex increasing my sense of wellbeing. I bet you're a right laugh at parties. There's no need to pity me for enjoying my sex life and reaping long lasting benefits from it, but do it if it makes you happy. It doesn't sound like much else does.

Is it because society expects you to have sex?

No. It's because I like it. I was repressed for a long time and now I'm not and it's better this way.

s itI because we're constantly told that relationships are only good when theres lots of sex involved?

No, it's because sex with my husband is fucking incredible.

Has there been some trauma in your life to make you feel that way?

You think women who love sex are traumatised?

Is it because your relationships lack intimacy and sex feels like validation that its all going well?

Having sex is a lack of intimacy?

It's not typical to need sex for good mental health.

I think it is, but even if it's not, I don't care. It works for me.

Have a think about what you've just asked me. I say I feel infinitely better, less stressed and in much better mental health when I am having good sex. I would class it as a need for me, although it's not a need that anyone else is obliged to fulfil. And your response to my enjoyment of sex is to suggest I am traumatised, lacking in intimacy and under societal pressure. That's basically your response to a woman who enjoys sex.

You might want to think about that. You can do it while pitying me if you like. I'll be having a good time.

Well, I've definitely drunk cups of tea (including tea with sugar in, when I don't take sugar) out of politeness, and I suspect I will do so again in the future.

I stopped having sex out of a sense of obligation once I realised that I could do that, and I hope I'm never ever in a situation again where I am pressured to do so out of niceness

I think we all sense that you enjoy sex Yorick! We believe you, honest. Or I do at least.

However - no one "needs" it. We need food, water, shelter. We'd die without them. But no one ever drops dead because they couldn't have a nice orgasm with another person.

You might like it and desire it and feel sadder without it and have a biological impulse towards it, but it's not a "need" in that sense. Women's bodies don't stop working when they don't get the occasional penis pushed into them.

Also, it's a bit interesting that you say you were repressed before. That's not a trauma of course but it might flavour your attitude towards your sex life now.

I’ve eaten smoked reindeer and buried-and-dug-up shark out of politeness, round at the in laws. I’ve drunk countless terrible cups of tea out of politeness. I once ate a plate of crispy tiny frogs complete with baleful eyes to avoid offending my host.

It’s not really the same as sex though is it? Especially not sex you don’t want and are probably coerced into having.

Buying sex is never ok.

Using the disabled as some kind of device to paint sex work as harmless and beneficial is a bit shit in my book.

Well nobody ever drops dead of spending their entire life confined to the house, never ever leaving it, never ever having any company or conversation, never ever reading a book or seeing a play or watching a film, but that doesn't mean those things aren't needs on a human level and necessary for good mental balance.

I've heard a lot of horseshit about sex on this forum, but I must admit that that's the first time I've heard anyone say that lots of satisfying and CONSENSUAL sex is actually the sign of a LACK of intimacy. I expected to be told I was nuts or not truly doing it for me, that's standard for a woman who truly enjoys sex. But I must admit that the one about mutually enjoyable sex being a bad sign in a relationship was a bit of a blindsider.

But it's irrelevant anyway because while I consider sex a need, I know it's not a need that anyone else is obliged to fulfil. If nobody will shag me, I have a problem but it's my problem and I won't burden anyone else with it. Wish more men would do the same.

I just can’t understand posts like Nigel’s - all about sympathy for the disabled man trying to exploit prostitutes on the street, but not a shred of empathy for the women involved. As though a person’s desire for sex justifies rape, enslavement and torture of women. It will solve a ‘safeguarding nightmare’ to bring the prostitutes to the disabled man, but no one gives a fuck about safeguarding the women. It’s all about male entitlement and male inability to understand what prostitution actually is. Men like larry so bizarrely invested in defending the rights of these mythical happy hookers to enjoy their chosen career but totally ignoring the reality of what the sexual industry actually entails and how women end up there.

It is a very worrying mindset, as if a lack of sex in your life justifies your objectification of women. It seems ridiculous and while I do sympathise with how it would be rubbish to not have sex for your whole life, it obviously doesn’t come above the need to make sure sex is what it should be - a consensual choice between 2 willing participants that doesn’t involve coercion of any other kind - being paid inclusive of that.

Obviously it would be completely fucked up to think there should be some kind of blanket sex “service” in place for people who aren’t having sex for whatever reason, but we all know there are people out there who think that’s the case.

I went into the Incel subreddit out of morbid curiosity. Don’t....Don’t go there :(

It is the cup of tea you don’t want still being poured down your throat even though the person knows you are choking, and eventually it leaves you never wanting to see a cup of tea again, going out of your way to avoid cups of tea, being triggered by mentions of tea and getting flashbacks to that tea being poured down your throat. Except it is worse because the unwanted tea went to the core of you, where it sits in silence surrounded by shame and is like this dark, dark weight which you can never speak about and you know and he knows that is what he did. But it’s tea right? And that is what women are for, tea drinking.

No, just don’t do it. Don’t pretend that coerced sex is okay and polite sex is okay or go for anything less than affirmative consent, larry, because otherwise you have no idea whether you are doing damage or not.

If Larry has even half of the concern for the issues faced by ordinary working women as he has for the rights of sex workers, I will eat my remote controlled Rampant Rabbit.

And by that I meant, of course, the rights of said sex workers to service his penis. I don't think he gives a shit about their safety or wellbeing, beyond the point where they're still available to service his penis.

@PoorYorick I can see how the "need" for sex can link to a lack of intimacy.
These are cases I know in real life

Case 1: the partner denied all and any intimacy (so no kisses,hand holding,cuddles,barely any attention) except for when they had sex. The deprived partner was desperate for sex to get some attention,feel some "love" etc.

Case 2: due to several issues, one partner only feels a true connection and sense of intimacy during sex. While the relationship is mostly ok,they need sex in order to connect with their partner,cement their relationship etc.

It's obviously not applicable in your case , but sometimes the need for sex can mask other issues or the lack of something,including intimacy.

Hope I'm making sense.

NC but wanted to comment. This thread helped me articulate my uneasiness about this being suggested in a previous job role in social care.
A man in his 90s in a care home was causing distress to female residents (all had dementia) by his aggressive sexual advances towards them (groping, attempted disrobing, sexual comments etc).
Staff running round him to stop it going any further than this.
Got the mental health team involved and the psychiatrist (female) didn’t share the concerns raised and just said ‘if he wants sex you (social services) should pay for a sex worker to visit him.
I was not comfortable with this for all the reasons suggested above. Care home staff (female) also unhappy with this poitentially happening in their care home.

It’s so wrong. His behaviour was unacceptable dementia diagnosis or not. Women are not receptacles for an aggressive man to release sexual tension into to make his behaviour more manageable.
We went with the view that what she proposed was not currently allowed with public funds and put in extra support and monitoring for him and limiting his access to female residents.
How can we have compassion for someone in one circumstance (eg disability) and not another (eg potential poverty, trafficking, abuse etc?)
Just because the sex worker will not usually disclose all this, as pp have said it is easy enough to see statistics and realise that women who are in sex work are very rarely exercising free choice to do this.

Well they do make sense. At the same time, if someone told me they found sex pleasurable and would be frustrated and unsettled if they had to go without it, my immediate thought would be 'you're a normal human being then', not 'you must be fucked up'.

I don't think a man would get that response, somehow.

Did you hear that, Larry? I like sex too, and I still think you're full of shit.

I love sex too, but pegging a rent boy for cash is not going to make me feel loved or wanted, no matter how lonely