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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder what you think about people with disabilities buying sex

537 replies

huha · 19/05/2018 06:01

Here is a link: tlc-trust.org.uk

I personally was at first 😲😲😲 but now am thinking 🤔...maybe this is a good thing?? AIBU?

OP posts:
Pa1oma · 23/05/2018 18:12

For many women, the impact of incest and rape is something that they carry with them every day of their lives. The fact that people can even dare to try and normalise incest or rape as entertainment, "fulfilling a service" for "fetish" is utterly despicable.

And yes I do believe that porn in general encourages a greater propensity towards violence and degradation towards women in society.

Strongmummy · 23/05/2018 18:13

Pa1oma those scenarios already exist if you search for them. People have odd fetishes. Some women enjoy the “fantasy” of being sexually assaulted. They wouldn’t want it to happen in real life!!

Dietcokebreak2 · 23/05/2018 18:14

I do not think any prostitute should be blamed for the industry and what goes on within it.

I honestly belive that even the 'happy hookers' wouldn't chose that path if society treated women in a different way. We are condition from a young age to believe our worth is based on how attractive we are to men. We're told our role in life is to please men and that we are sexual objects. No wonder some women turn to sex works as for some it's is easy money and it validates their worth. Women from more disadvantaged backgrounds may also see it as their only way to obtain the lifestyle the media tells them they should want. Designer handbags and the like.

Pa1oma · 23/05/2018 18:20

Well even if I did have the "fantasy" of being sexually assaulted, I would still have the basic decency to recognise the fact that women are in fact raped every day and it is NOT OK, on the simple level of basic respect, to enact scenes of this for the purposes of "providing a service."

NomoreBingPleeese · 23/05/2018 18:29

Nigel,
I also work in social care. As a care worker I have previously provided assistance to someone to help them get in the right position to have sex with their partner.
I find your comments really surprising.
You say that the person can’t watch porn or masturbate or arrange dates or sleepovers with people he meets because the staff ‘don’t like it’
So that justifies ‘paying for a service’ where women’s bodies can be used by him for money?
Why not speak up for the guy to use porn within the legal limits/masturbate/date and sleep with another consenting adult if that’s what he wishes?
We should be supporting people to live their lives as they wish as much as possible around sex and relationships. Ordering a prostitute instead of helping him find real independence and intimacy as per his wishes is demeaning to him as a person in my view, before we even start on how horrible it is to use women like this.

habenero20 · 23/05/2018 19:06

My position is partly influenced by my desire to keep the government out of as many areas as possible. So, my instinct is that if two people agree to have sex with consent this should be legal. there are no doubts that prostitution is a crazy industry with a whole host of problems. But in a perfect world, if those problems were solved, I would think it should be legal. Thus, I am not in principle against it, like it seems many people here are, but in practice on the fence due to the problems it creates.

Except selling "drugs" is illegal and being a prostitute is, erm, not.

I would also be all for legalizing drugs. A classic example of prohibition causing more harm then doing good. What I am certainly not convinced of is that prohibiting prostitution helps prostitutes.

FermatsTheorem · 23/05/2018 21:21

www.politicshome.com/news/uk/home-affairs/law/house/house-magazine/95277/gavin-shuker-organised-sexual-exploitation

The All-Party Parliamentary Group on Prostitution and the Global Sex Trade seems to have managed to connect the dots, and see that without the demand, there wouldn't be trafficking - they seem to be coming down in favour of the Nordic model, I'm glad to see.

TheLastNigel · 23/05/2018 22:49

Well then I'm glad you are a care worker as you have the right idea. Lots don't and even if ands to do these things will not do so in a way that empowers the service user. There are only so many staff you can performance manage out.
In an ideal world everyone would work as you have said you do. But as a care manager I've encountered many teams where that wouldn't be the case.

NotAnotherNoughtiesTune · 23/05/2018 22:57

If they really want to help disabled people have sex they should offer for free.

No?

Then it's no different to regular prostitution - is it?

Also it would be hard to know with those with severe mental health issues or moderate learning disabilities or neurological disorders whether they are fit to consent themselves.

It's dicey. The website feels... off somehow to me.

marchin1984 · 24/05/2018 20:31

The All-Party Parliamentary Group on Prostitution and the Global Sex Trade

surely that doesn't close the debate, does it? Well meaning groups like Amnesty are against the nordic model.

busybarbara · 24/05/2018 21:05

If they really want to help disabled people have sex they should offer for free.

Pro-bonor work, I think they call that Grin

Maybe encouraging people to have sex with disabled people as a sort of good deed/volunteer role is something to consider though. Plenty of people work in charity shops.

NotAnotherNoughtiesTune · 24/05/2018 21:33

That's what I mean @busybarbara in all seriousness if they do think it's a real issue they should give sex therapy for free. Like a very specific befriended.

That way no coercion is involved - it's voluntary and no organisation pays them so that makes the issue of consent less murky.

Input they won't - it's just another person to hustle unfortunately.

I don't blame the Sex Workers because it's supply and demand and they can choose how to use their body in any way.

I do blame the punters to a certain extent because why not buck up your ideas a little and learn how to engage properly with a female. It's a myth women don't want casual sex- just look at Tinder and you'll see many do and good on them for knowing what they want and having no shame, that's how it should be.

I don't blame them as much if they genuinely feel the woman is there because she thinks she's good at it or she's a very high class escort and therefore incredibly selective of her clientele.

I think men shouldn't really see sex as a need but I'd say to a certain extent it is a need. That's what biology is all about - reproduction and impregnating as many women as possible. Obviously now we have a more advanced mind it is not just about that but obviously that will play a part. This does not excuse any violent, sexist or vile behaviour but certainly does explain flirting, showing off and flattering a woman.

So they know logically that no it is mostly a want they have and they desire it but their inner caveman tells them otherwise.

Many men either fight that urge off, have a partner or are a rarer breed that sex is low on their priority list. Others either are ignorant and therefore feel incredibly entitled though often not nasty, feel low and unfulfilled and often have deep esteem issues they can't shirk off or are highly manipulative and misogynist and feel not just women but the world in general should fall at their feet (these types are most likely to hate women and in fact enjoy the power imbalance more than the sex itself).

I think the best scenarios are ones very unlikely to come about or at least in this century. That is either 1) a befriending like I mentioned above but for the men who can't deal with emotional relationships well or other reasons sex may be difficult. This would also be not paid and would be safe with other people around to protect both parties or 2) for female sexuality to be truly accepted so that women can be more sexually open without risk of rape, harassment or slander. This would mean that the same reaction to a man sleeping with 10 people in a month a woman would receive. It also would mean wearing a short skirt or low top is a fashion choice, not a cone on and that a woman making the first move is actively encouraged.

That ended up being a bit of an essay - sorry.just my thoughts.

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