To wonder what you think about people with disabilities buying sex

[huha]

Here is a link: tlc-trust.org.uk

I personally was at first 😲😲😲 but now am thinking 🤔...maybe this is a good thing?? AIBU?

Karma I have sympathy and compassion for anyone in that lonely and frustrating situation but no one has a right to sex and their desires do not trump those of women or justify the horrors of the sex trade.

Comments like Karmas’s just make me sick it’s like the fucking incel community that believes “girlfriends” should be government provided so all guys have someone to have sex with. Fucking horrible attitude and reeking of male entitlement and misogyny

Yy. Dincelbility

Also, Karma•, if you read the thread then a poster has contributed saying she is disabled and unable to form a relationship but she still believes this service to be wrong.

Furthermore, a poster has said that she was a coerced prostitute sold to disabled men and her description was I would think enough to make anyone question this practice.

FFS Larry! Please, keep telling us why sex for a woman is no different to them cutting someone’s hair or cleaning a toilet.

Unbelievable (and yet utterly believable)

Tell me if a man got no sex, no housework, nothing from a women - would he financially support her??

There are many people of both sexes who care and provide for their partners even when the partner is unable to have sex or housework or other such things. I know several men who have done so for their ill and disabled partners. I think this idea shows a very negative view of men and humanity in general. I don't think cocklodger threads are evidence that disabled people's partners on average are looking to leave because of that and I don't think they're really comparable.

While sex, company, conversation and many other interpersonal connections do bring people well-being, that doesn't mean every means of getting them is good for the individual or society as a whole. Part of what makes those connections good for us, as social creatures, is the feeling that others value us and are choosing to engage with us for who we are as individuals. That is not what is going on with this. I've seen no evidence that paying someone to have sex with anyone, disabled or not, improves well-being or any outcomes.

While many people are lonely and touched starved, and that disabled people are at far higher risk of being isolated from others, which does cause a long list of issues, I think there are far better ways to deal with it that paying people to have sex with disabled people. I'm disabled, I live with two other disabled adults and I've run a group for disabled people for the last six years and while some do really struggle with relationships, I cannot think of a time where anyone has suggested this. We've helped others write dating profiles, found and taken people to other social events, discussed with local places who do these events how to be more accessible for disabled people, had and supported events at day centres and other similar places...we've done quite a few things, some people it has helped and others it has not, but I think that's reality and far better to work on that than tell people that their best option is to pay someone to pretend.

Everyone, disabled people included, wants to be genuinely liked. This doesn't always happen - as said before by many others, the right to the pursuit of happiness does not mean a right to get it. I think some may support this out of actual consideration though I think there are far better ways to do it but a lot of it on the types of sites and places like in the link just see us as a potential paycheck maybe with some good person points and has absolutely nothing to do with seeing disabled people as full human beings who desire or could be seen as worthy of companionship.

I mean, really, I know more than a few able 20-30+ year old people who really struggle with relationships and are not getting laid. I think there are far more and better options and that it isn't any less insulting to disabled people in that situation, to say that the best way to improve their situation is to pay someone for sex. I don't get and kinda think it's a bit creepy when that is parents or carers go to for disabled people (even more confused by carers who stay in the room, that seems more to gratify the carer there). We deserve better help than that.

Thank you DN4 that’s a wise post and exactly the point. Especially the part about everyone having a right to pursue happiness not meaning you are automatically entitled to things.

'but it's legal'

This is something I don't understand. Tell me another personal service I can provide, which involves dealing with body fluids, that is exempt from H&S legislation? From the requirement to have insurance?

Surely just those things should tell you something's wrong here?

If a prostitute hired a cleaning company to clean her bedroom, that company would be under stricter controls - I bloody bet the cleaner would use gloves! But it's completely reasonable for a prostitute not to? Sorry, I can't accept that, that's clearly not right, and not acceptable in society.

I earn minimum wage

So £7.85 an hour my hairdresser charges £10 for my hair and £10 for dh...that takes her about 40 minutes

Im gonna tell her that she is like a prostitute

No wait...I'm gonna tell her that dh thinks that, i like my hair!!

And yes

Im being a bit flippant

But

A. Thats my go to response

B. Theres no point discussing this stuff with 'people' like larry

Tell me if a man got no sex, no housework, nothing from a women - would he financially support her??

That says rather more about your views of what women ‘are for.’ Interesting phrasing ‘from a woman.’ As though they are some sort of machine you put money into and sex falls out.

In mature loving relationships, both partners may support each other and there may be times when one spouse is unable to have sex, do much or work. Say man has prostate cancer and needs to recover. Or woman is in bed rest during pregnancy.

But adult spouses don’t see each other as ‘things’ that provide services. They see each other as fellow humans, they are a team and they accept that relationship may ebb and flow in terms of what each partner is capable of doing financially, physically and sexually,

A man who thought women ‘were for’ sex and housework would be as far from being in my knickers as I could possibly get. That’s the sort of shit these incel idiots spout. It’s no wonder they’re not getting laid with opinions like that.

I believe the American term is 'whiny pissbaby'.

Why is it wrong for services to be offered to the disabled for sex?

Because the ‘services’ are people.

Maybe read Bowlofbabelfish’s comment upthread at 14.31 about the reality of this global industry, and you’ll see why so many people get on their ‘high horses’ about it.

If touch is required, there is nothing wrong with buying a massage. There is something entirely wrong about buying sex.

Wish I had some money.

Of course it’s a good thing if it’s what the person with the disability wants/needs

Pretty naive attitude. There are all kinds of ethical issues with the sale and purchase of sex that don't disappear because the purchaser has disabilities.

Why is it wrong for services to be offered to the disabled for sex?

Because you're not offering services,you're offering another person! And that's valid for anyone that uses prostitutes, disabled or not.

Oh and reading what they say about people lacking capacity to consent to sex and their callousness about it, I'm not very confident in their "signed they're not trafficked" forms either.

If for a minute you are able to believe...which I accept may be wrong...the sex workers are not trafficked or made to work

You are wrong. The vast majority of sex workers would leave if they could. A huge number are coerced, trafficked, or forced in due to economic/drug/vulnerability factors. They face rape and sexual assault daily.

Read the post a while back about a former sex worker who was coerced into sex - she was made to do this very thing.

The happy hooker /high class escort stereotype doubtless exists, but it’s a tiny minority, a few percent, of all sex workers.

Disabled people are held to the same ethical standards as the rest of us. And the sex industry is a dark place. Using it, even using one of the hypothetically happy workers, drives an industry awash with human misery.

I have a very big problem with any man (or woman, but lets face it, it's men we're talking about) believing they have a right to sex. They don't.

I haven’t read the whole thread.

I have 2 disabled dd’s and I work with people with learning difficulties and mental health problems, not being able to have intamacy and sex is a huge issue for many adults with sn’s and mental health issues, it causes frustration and makes them feel like they are not wanted, they have the same urges as all of us but find it harder to form relationships.

I have discussed ‘sex workers’ with a clients parent, they hate seeing him sexually frustrated and upset and are willing to look into anything that could help him feel less frustrated.

I think it’s a great idea, I know a lot of people won’t because it is prostitution but there is a demand for this kind of service.