Am I being unreasonable to be angry with my son’s uni tutors?

[Ladymacbethshandwash]

My 18 year old son is coming to the end of his first year of a performing arts degree. Since he was a little boy he wanted to become an actor so this was the natural route for him to take.

He has struggled with certain aspects of the course, namely the movement side as he is 6 foot 3 and as graceful as bambi on ice. He has failed his two movement assessments and passed his acting assessments. Today at his end of year tutorial his tutors told him he will never make it as an actor. They bluntly destroyed his dreams and sent him on his way. My 18 year old son is away from home, distraught because in his opinion his dream is over, his life is finished. He won’t come home and he doesn’t want to speak to me. Why oh why could they have not been a little more careful about the language they used? I know I’m his Mum, so I am obviously biased but he does have something, he’s funny, confident, handsome and he does have acting ability. Unfortunately he doesn’t believe this now, he’s so low I don’t know what to do.

...which you make during your time in drama school quite often, performing in your showcase in front of a swathe of industry professionals, agents... people who rate the quality of the graduates enough to make the effort to attend. A lot to do with the training they have received, absorbed, worked on.

Why send yourself to drama school if you really think it’s a bit silly doing the movement work?

And of course there are other routes which he is now free to pursue. I hope he feels better soon nd finds th right way for him.

Maybe they are trying to discourage him from spending several thousands of pounds training in a field in which they don’t think he’ll suceed?

Just wanted to say, acting tutors are usually people who didn't do well particularly as paid actors, though of course they can be excellent tutors. There is so much opportunity, especially if you make opportunity by being a creator, writing, producing, directing his own work or collaborations with others...

Also, I don't know where he goes to uni, but there is in this country a kind of expectation of the well trained actor. In the USA, you make your own way and the whole industry over there in NY and LA is filled with people who were actors at one time and still are and I would actually say most actors there are not trained. It's a bit more of s free for all.

If he is funny and creative, he can make a show to take to the fringe, he'll find his way. He's only 18...sorry to hear they broke his heart 😕

Just wanted to say, acting tutors are usually people who didn't do well particularly as paid actors

Twaddle. Would you say nurse trainers are failed nurses, history lecturers are failed historians, lecturers at med school are failed doctors?

Actor trainers are hugely diverse specialists - voice specialists, movement specialist, period dance specialists, clowning specialists. They are often proven successful directors and they often run their own theatre companies. You don’t get to be an actor trainer at a good drama school for being a failed actor.

In the USA, you make your own way and the whole industry over there in NY and LA is filled with people who were actors at one time and still are and I would actually say most actors there are not trained.

Is that really true? I find it difficult to believe.

It's a long time since I was in college, but (like acting) I was studying something for which you needed talent. Initial intake to my course was 80, when we came back after Christmas about 20 were missing, by the end of the year there were less than 40 left. They were ruthless. That's what it's like in the arts, unfortunately.

Just reading through some of the comments posted over night and I just wanted to clarify a few things. I have never blamed his tutors for his failure in movement, he passed all his acting assignments so the quality of teaching is obviously there. He did not fail his movement assignments just because he is tall, he failed them because he is awkward and clumsy and the fine, precision movements were just not there. I accept he may have said something to piss them off and that is a lesson he has to learn.

As for him being a special snowflake, the week before his drama gcse practical exam he was subjected to a homophobic attack on the bus coming home from school, in the days leading up to his performance he worked his rehearsals around hospital and police visits, rewriting his part to include his facial injuries. He got an A* for his performance and if that didn't show a certain amount of grit and determination I don't know what does.

We have never offered him false hope or built him up to fail, he is under no illusion how difficult the industry is. If people consider being upset because at 18 years old you've been told you are not going to achieve your dreams for the future makes you needy and entitled, then I really do despair.

He will find his way to what is right and who knows, it may be anything from being a brilliant stand up comedian to being an artisan baker to a theatre director to being a university lecturer teaching a particular module to acting undergrads to being a politician to being a media guru. Who knows at this point? He’s so young. I’m sure if he managed to do so well after such a horrific experience, he will pick up and do well again. He knows he has your support anyway.

I accept he may have said something to piss them off and that is a lesson he has to learn.

I don't think he did, at all. I don't think there was anything personal in his tutors' remarks.

If he were my son I'd be searching for a different course for him, one that didn't have such an emphasis on movement. There are lots of different routes into acting, a degree course isn't the only one.

Just wanted to say, acting tutors are usually people who didn't do well particularly as paid actors, though of course they can be excellent tutors.

Rubbish.
Lots of people just prefer teaching, it’s a stable job, it’s much better if you have kids. Not everyone likes late nights and constant smoozing, or the politics of the acting world.
It’s also a completely different skill.

Ok we don’t know what’s actually going on but he’s failed uni, his lecturers are telling him that he needs to sort himself out.
He obviously has talent because he wouldn’t have got onto the course so I would bet money on the problem being his attitude.
Just saying ‘aw baby what horrible people, don’t worry you’re perfect go and fly somewhere else’ as tempting as that is isn’t what he needs.

It may seem from the outside that successful actors are too cool for school but that’s very very rarely the case, you have to be a team player and check your ego at the door. Especially if you work on the stage, so much of it is about collaboration, no one wants to do a 6 month tour with someone with an attitude.

Also making a show at the fringe is super hard work and hardly any of them make a profit, and practically zero of them do if you haven’t got the backing of a well known venue and producer.

Stepping aside from tutors only teach because they can't make it and are jealous and but here's one big name who made it against the odds, thr fact is those actors are in the 1s and 2s. Telling an 18 year old they'll make it through self belief because one actor did ignore the fact that there are probably tens of THOUSANDS of people people who believed in themselves and didn't make it.

The entire 'growth mindset' push has been twisted so instead of there being a link between accurate personal judgements on ability + knowing and acting on what you need to do to improve, lots of places have turned it into you can be anything you want to be if you just try and the job of adults in your life is to validate your dream and remove any obstacle you might face because confronting any struggle along the way might shatter your dreams and sense of self

I'd love to be an Olympic athlete. But the reality of life is I'm not going to be and I can go to my training as much as I like and whilst I may get better, I'm not going to be an olympic athlete.
Now i might have a student who has the same dream.
Child A - already on county level teams, had trials for junior teams of pro clubs, doing summer training with some of the training squads for their team, on holiday training intensives, plans their training carefully. The likelihood is if they listen to their coaches then they do have an excellent chance of getting on a pro team.

Child B - is great at PE, does well at inter school events, plays for the local town club in local leagues, sometimes does some training days with bigger teams. They are good and have potential, could probably get A or B team at a good university level team. They are much less likely to make it as a pro sportsperson.

Is it mean when child B says they want to be pro to point out that if they stick with their current level of sport then it's unlikely? Not really. That's the truth. Many pro athletes in their sport are on junior pro development teams from 14-18 years old. They could make it but they'd need to step it up.

Telling an 18 year old they'll make it through self belief because one actor did ignore the fact that there are probably tens of THOUSANDS of people people who believed in themselves and didn't make it

Famous guest speaker at dds drama school end of year awards ceremony said exactly that.

Basically if you want it badly enough and you are prepared to work hard something will break.

Head teacher comparing two pupils he had in one year (performing arts school)
One pupil who was top of the class had worked hard throughout the course gaining top marks in all exams and course work he said he thought that he definitely would get somewhere.

Other pupil had failed to shine. Had consistently not put in the effort required to get anywhere and he recommended them to maybe look at plan B.

10 years later which do you think was world famous, successful writer, performer and multi millionaire and which works for the local council.

You can never tell who is going to make it or not it depends on so many different things, who you know, what you look like, a lot of roles might want a medium height blonde with brown eyes. If you are tall brunette with blue eyes it doesn't matter how good you are you don't fit the brief.

But you don't make it on self belief. It's a comforting lie if i just believe in myself I can do anything I like is bollocks.

Having the self belief AND the willingness to learn, engage, listen to criticism, learn from criticism, get stuck into things, work bloody hard, get involved in movement classes even if you think it's stupid, not fall apart when someone points out your weaknesses, being resilient, thinking 'ok I'm not good enough at X so i need to improve' is how people will make it against the odds.

Believing in yourself is one very small part of the picture. Being motivated and ambitious and willing to learn and determined to address your weaknesses are all vastly more important.

If someone is all 'i believe I'm going to be a star' but falls apart when that belief is questioned, they probably haven't got all the other attributes required to turn that belief into action.

Basically if you want it badly enough and you are prepared to work hard something will break.

Something will break? Yes, but don’t be set on one dream without considering the others. A good job on the council with a pension and paid holidays may be better in the long run than a weekend job dressed as Charlie the Clown doing children’s entertainment for the local carvery. And you can’t all be the multi millionaire writer/performer superstar.

To the person wh was questioning why he had missed out on roles when he was younger and this was something to show why he wouldn't be successful.
I suspect he didn't get the roles because of his height. To be a child actor most parts have a 5ft cut off or sometimes shorter. So you could be the most brilliant actor in the world but if you are 5ft and 1/2 inch you wont get a look in.

I suspect he got through the auditions because he was good but ultimately he was too tall.

I know one boy who was recalled over and over who they really wanted but lost the part because of his eye colour at the final audition.

Not too sure where you are in the country but I think one of the straight drama courses at one of the London drama schools might be a better bet after a year of getting himself out there doing short courses on movement or anything he struggles with. And just going out to do work in anything and everything.

If he is a straight actor then I can understanding him struggling with a performing arts course.

What are you talking about? Do you know what movement is? Straight acting courses include movement classes.

YANBU to be upset.

I hope you can talk properly with him soon. Can you contact him any other way apart from text and phone?

It's probably one of those cases where it's a little bit of everything. He's not as willing to learn about movement as he should be, he's naturally not good at movement, he's a bit gobby (questioning?) so lecturers less likely to help, the feedback is overly harsh etc etc
I'd also wonder if there is more to it, perhaps he wasn't attending all his movement lectures or something, however you will never k ow quite what's happened so there isn't too much point trying to work things out exactly.

I guess you need to wait until you can have a proper chat with your DS. Hopefully he will be feeling better. His initial reaction isn't surprising as it must have been a shock (even with any warning signs....)
I'm sure he will be ok sooner or later. Maybe he will do acting and maybe not you mention he has good A level grades so hopefully he will have choices.
Good luck. I'm sure it will work itself out one way or another. He is only 18....

The believe speech was given to a group of students who already had the expertise. It was a pep talk as they went out into the world.

I do have a few friends who work as actors you will never have heard of them but they go to work, they have families and mortgages and put food on the table.

There are so many jobs in the industry not just who you see on tv or on a west end stage.

Sorry, just came across this thread, so probably can’t add to what’s already been said, other than to say that so many people have aspired to ambitions even greater than before, when told they would never make it. I would urge him to channel the disappointment he feels now, into something more positive and determined. If he really wants this, it will happen. And nobody but himself can determine that.
Good luck

If he really wants this, it will happen

Well it might. Or it might not.

Is there really not a single thread on MN, where comments are not nitpicked, copied & pasted and highlighted for criticism?
Have people really got nothing better to do?

My message to the OP, was don’t let disappointment & negativity thwart your ambitions. The power of human spirit can take us surprisingly far. So yes, if he really wants to pursue this path, then he most certainly can. With whatever capacity for success that might be..

This is very unfortunate but presumably there are strict rules about how many parts of the course you can fail and continue. Is there a resit option? How did he do in the other components?

I teach (a non-creative) subject in higher education and would always recommend that people pay for and pursue education in one of these disciplines first. If we had someone fail two exams, it would be absurd to say ‘you’ll never make it as a mathematician/ historian’, because there’s obviously no expectation that any of them will want to be professional mathematicians / historians. Tying someone’s dreams up with their education at 18 is problematic I think. Why doesn’t he enrol in a more traditional degree subject, assuming he has the grades, and carry on pursuing acting on the side to see where he can get with it?

I really don't know why people think anyone can be a successful artist if they want that badly enough. We don't go round saying anyone can be a successful brain surgeon. A lot depends on getting the right match between your talents and your ambitions. (For example being colour blind means some jobs are going to be out of the questions.) Then, when you've got the right match, you have to put the work in....

Hope you have heard from him now and that he is doing a bit better and being supported by friends.
Daniel Radcliffe who plays Harry Potter is dyspraxic.
Glad your son will have an assessment for it.