Am I being unreasonable to be angry with my son’s uni tutors?

[Ladymacbethshandwash]

My 18 year old son is coming to the end of his first year of a performing arts degree. Since he was a little boy he wanted to become an actor so this was the natural route for him to take.

He has struggled with certain aspects of the course, namely the movement side as he is 6 foot 3 and as graceful as bambi on ice. He has failed his two movement assessments and passed his acting assessments. Today at his end of year tutorial his tutors told him he will never make it as an actor. They bluntly destroyed his dreams and sent him on his way. My 18 year old son is away from home, distraught because in his opinion his dream is over, his life is finished. He won’t come home and he doesn’t want to speak to me. Why oh why could they have not been a little more careful about the language they used? I know I’m his Mum, so I am obviously biased but he does have something, he’s funny, confident, handsome and he does have acting ability. Unfortunately he doesn’t believe this now, he’s so low I don’t know what to do.

I think there is a big difference between bei rejected for an audition and being told your whole career is over

This might be helpful:

m.youtube.com/watch?v=Kb7_E12FFLw

Could he transfer to study something related, maybe at a different uni? Lots of actors start out in university drama societies rather than doing a course directly.

I have read most of the thread but am still unsure as to whether your DS is at a university or a drama school. I am assuming a university.

Acting is a notoriously unreliable industry and it’s highly possible your DS won’t make it. What is 100% certain though is that he won’t make it if he believes he can’t.

I teach a KS5 Performing Arts course and almost every pro actor/director my students work with tell them that drama school is 3 years of being shoved outside your comfort zone. A couple of things you’ve said have suggested that your DS is not happy with this - the physical making a fool of yourself side of things is important in terms of ditching inhibitions so maybe this isn’t for him,

Don’t contact the university - that won’t solve anything. I think your DS should resit the assessments and if they don’t go his way, get him to speak to the university about a change in direction.

it’s pretending to be an animal or doing a sequence of movements

Pretty standard first year acting training at conservatoires. Is he at a conservatoire (RADA, LIPA, Scottish or Welsh conservatoires)? If he’s not able to do that basic part of the trading - well, .... staff are using their professional judgement.

Actors need to be able to move flexibly and with purpose and control. It’s basic stuff.

I really don't know why people think anyone can be a successful artist if they want that badly enough

Because we don’t value the arts as a set of knowledge and skills and expertise.

That’s why various posters on this thread are being dismissive of the acting tutors. Teaching in the arts is specialised and often exhausting because so much more is demanded of you emotionally. You’re expected to validate every student’s dream in a way a lecturer in, say, statistics is never expected to.

And it sounds as though the OP’s son was not very “teachable” - doesn’t mean he’s without talent or a failure, but he may have to learn to open up in ways he’s not ready to, yet.

If your son is being assessed for dyspraxia then it sounds like he needs to contact the department at his uni which support students with additional needs. If he does turn out to be dyspraxic then reasonable adjustments should be made.
Have you got hold of him yet? I think the uni have acted shockingly and should have just let due process happen in that he failed his modules then resit then terminate IF that is what the uni needed to do.

But most importantly is he ok?

Tell him not to be discouraged, the beetles were turned down by many record labels and told they would never make it, Richard Branson was told he would never amount to anything as was Albert Einstein. I'm pretty sure there are several actors that will have been told the same.

I detest and why you’re upset, and why your son is upset- but you contradict yourself a bit- understandably with some of your updates. He has failed his movement module, and the trait of his movement module. He thought it was a ridiculous thing, but it’s a core element of the course. And as an actor, I’m sure he would be put in positions where he doesn’t agree with the direction, but that is the requirement of the role. His ganglyness has nothing to do with it. He didn’t prioritise any extra tuition in an area he was lacking and has potentially lost his place at uni. If you believe that comedy is more his thing- as many others have said joining a drama group at a good uni will see you farther in some ways that an acting degree: I hope he answers your calls, the kid must be devastated. Does he live with friends? I hope he gets his appeal- but equally if movement is a part of the course for 4 years and he does succeed on appeal for another trait, he needs to look at how he can improve, or this will keep happening.

Can you not go down to his student accommodation OP if he still answering his phone? I was forced to leave my nursing degree a few years ago because a long term condition caused me to fail my practical placements. I’d dreamt of being a nurse since I was 10 so this was rough and after telling my parents I just turned off my phone. A week later my dad turned up on my doorstep, took me out for dinner and we worked out where I went from there. It took awhile but I’m back at uni, succeeding in a different course that I love.

Op this sounds really upsetting.

There a great podcast called TwoShotPod which has actors talking about how they started in the business. In one - Kate Ashfield or possibly Maya Sondhi- they talk about being told they maybe should give up at the end of the year at drama school, but kept going and the tutor didn't really remember much about that chat which had been so significant for the student. Really interesting podcast for aspiring actors in general and showing several very different routes into acting.

Hope it works out.

Hope your son is ok.

Seems as if there's something very wrong with their audition process, if they accept people, then delete idea within a year that they cannot possibly learn the necessary skills. They should be testing them on basic movement and coordination skills and not accepting this who would struggle, if it's so fundamental.
Could he do some external classes in the summer OP, to improve his coordination? I was a very clumsy child, but learned to be quite good at dance through sheer determination, if he practices controlling his limbs he will get better. May be hard finding a class to join in summer hols, but maybe one to one tuition if you can afford it?

Op You/he needs to accept he's unlikely to pass if he's on the edge in a couple of Year 1 modules. It's not looking good. Should somebody be allowed to continue if they failed the voice modules (it's not their fault they can't sing) or the acting modules (they don't do the right kind of acting)... The excuses could just keep coming.

I'd really encourage him to pursue a wide range of things, keeping acting as one option for now. I have a family member who has a 1st class drama degree from a very good uni and then did a 2 year acting course at one of THE drama schools. Life as an actor has completely ruined her. She's barely worked in acting, her 'work' is the shittiest of minimum wage jobs, just enough to scrape together the rent for her disgusting room in a shared house. Can't work too much or she might miss the opportunity for acting. She doesn't even get auditions these days - agent's fault for not getting her work. But she can't give it up because what if... She's now mid 30s, it's never going to happen, she's got nothing and she's incredibly depressed.

I'm not saying your son should give up at 18 but he needs a broad portfolio, which could include acting, but also including things which might actually give him a life rather than just an existence.

I really don't think at this stage he's got the resilience. Maybe with a few more years of life experience but what he's been told will just been seen as a fact in the drama world. They don't waste their time sugar coating it or coaching people through. Self motivation after day after day of brutal rejection is the only thing that keeps you going, and most people just can't hack that. You need to make his see that this is not necessarily a no forever, but it's no at the moment, at this place and on this course. How he deals with that is going to be up to him but if he's serious, this is not how a determined person would be reacting.

He needs to follow his dream. If he does and it doesn't work out he knows he did everything he could. If he does and it works out, he can stick it to them!

teaandbiscuits Rather than blaming your family members predicament on the career she chose might I suggest she is this way because she is just lazy and is expecting the world to come to her.
DD is only 18 and just starting out but also does 7 other jobs that are all flexible hours. Yesterday she ran a 1000 seater restaurant for a corporate event. (13 hour day) It paid definitely more than NMW. Probably twice that. The day before she was setting up the event before heading off to an evening class and before that she spent the previous 3 weeks filming .
She occasionally has a day off but is usually in classes or working or training.

Next year she will have saved enough to get her first property which will give her a little bit of unearned income. She is hoping to keep doing that so even if everything goes tits up she has an income.
Like everything in life you have to be proactive. If you wait around for someone else to provide for you it won't end well.
DD gets her own jobs.

Oh piss off Oliver's mummy. I hadn't made any comment on whether I thought she'd done things the right way or not. But, unnecessary for this post, the sudden death of her mother and the spiral into depression hasn't 'helped' with her career.

I hope your DD is very successful. She doesn't sound like the average 18 year old so stop being so judgemental about others.

DD was told at 10 years old she was also told she was wasting her time by a well respected teacher.
I told her keep going and of all else fails their is always reality tv

Seems as if there's something very wrong with their audition process, if they accept people, then delete idea within a year that they cannot possibly learn the necessary skills.
Auditions are about saying they think someone has the potential to do very well and they believe that person could thrive on a course.
It's no guarantee they will.
In fact the idea of guaranteed passes etc is a filtering upwards from a GCSE culture of endless crib sheets and redrafts of coursework/controlled assessment, hand holding through a level with intervention (increasingly) and it's starting to hit university as some think they are paying 'for a degree' vs 'the opportunity to study for a degree'.
I've done teacher training and we've had some students who think they are paying to become a teacher and get quite arsey about things they deem to be 'pointless and silly', don't engage with feedback and then complain when the forms are submitted saying 'there are significant issues with this trainee's progress'. Some have even put in complaints about schools because their mentor wasn't helping them to plan every lesson and meeting to go through every lesson.
They got their place on the course because they demonstrated the potential to be a good teacher. They are not entitled to pass, however much they may believe they are a great teacher.

It's awful that the OP's son is so upset and I really feel for the OP herself. Perhaps some realism from him going forward, working on his weaknesses and being aware that for every 1 person who makes it against the odds there are thousands who don't might prevent him feeling like his world has ended when the facts are presented.

I am not sure about this 'follow your dream' advice. The dreams we have as teenagers may be very different from the kinds of ambitions and interests we develop as we mature.

Dreaming about life as a performing artist may be very tied up with childlike fantasies of being the centre of attention. Everyone looking at us. Everyone applauding.

My suspicion is that most of us have a variety of talents and strengths. If one door closes - and it sounds as though the OP's future as a performing artist is very much in doubt - it is time to think about what other doors there are to be opened.

teaandbiscuits you were the one saying life as an actor has ruined your family member. You didn't mention other circumstances and I was trying to point out that just because you are an actor doesn't mean you have to just take NMW jobs.
It gives you the freedom to work as much or as little as you want and not to rely on others to give you work.

I don't think dd is much different to her friends. They all work and study ATM trying to get enough money together for uni.

Most actors and other people in that kind of arty industry tend to work minimum wage jobs.

But I'm not arguing with you any more. Your DD is at the very early stage; let's hope that she carries in being as successful. Otherwise, you know, it's all her fault

funderanna
Ot something still in performing arts but perhaps not 'making it' as an actor.

I've got quite a few friends in performance and they've built up really good portfolio careers through coaching, children's theatre training, music tuition, own performances etc and as they were building it up they had cafe jobs etc. It took a while and they don'r earn much but they really enjoy what they do. All of them were very aware that if they spend their time waiting for someone to discover them and make them a big name they'd be wasting their time.

If the board let him retake the failed assessment maybe this will be a lesson about giving things a go and as an actor not letting 'i think this is silly' show during a class.

Agreed Maisypops.

I would do everything possible to speed up the dyspraxia assessment.
Ensure your son contacts his course (head of course /head of exam board) to say GP (?) believes he may have undiagnosed dyspraxia.
If this turns out to be the case the Uni MUST make reasonable adjustments....

I have heard of people with undiagnosed then subsequently diagnosed disability... Getting compensated passes /given alternative work/ or any one of many possibilities...

At the very least he needs to have this year passed... So he can at least either continue if uni decide he can/he wants to...personally from what you said - sounds like he may be better elsewhere??

I have no idea how it works with PA degrees but on standard academic degrees he should be able to transfer these credits to another course under CAT scheme

I spoke to my son last night and he is very low, I think he resigned to it being over for now. Interestingly he told me that at the end of their tutorials all the other students were given a questionnaire to fill in for the university regarding their thoughts on the course, he wasn’t given one. He’s taken this as them not being interested in what he has to say and an indication that they have no intention of taking him through to the second year.