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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want wife to go away for a few days?

151 replies

LittleOrphanFunkhouser · 18/05/2018 10:57

My DW has a trip to one of Europe's major cities planned with our DD (recently a toddler) staying with her parents in a very small apartment. I am not going, instead I booked a couple of days of work to coincide with their trip, during which I would mainly sit around in my pants at home watching movies I haven't been able to watch (because OH hates sci-fi), take the dog for long walks while I listen to podcasts, and generally savour some time without daddy/ husband duties. In the last few days DD has had extremely disrupted nights, waking up at three in the morning, screaming for no apparent reason and generally doing what toddlers do.. As a result DW is having second thoughts about going away for a week, where she and DD would be sharing quite a confined space with the in-laws. I want to encourage her to go, because I think she will enjoy it regardless, and also because I am looking forward to some time to myself. AIBU?

OP posts:
Leafyhouse · 18/05/2018 10:59

Yes, YABU! Offer to look after DD whilst she visits her parents!

timeisnotaline · 18/05/2018 11:05

Ummm yabu. Going away is exhausting with a non sleeper and you don’t get out and enjoy things because you are soooo tired, and it’s even worse because you don’t want the dc to wake your parents. You are lying to yourself when you say she would enjoy it because it suits you. My dh used to think like this, now I’ve told him I’m moving to a hotel to catch up on sleep if I even catch a hint of such selfish thoughtlessness.
If on the other hand you said you would do the night wakings for 3 nights before her trip so she’s not a complete zombie, now that would be a reasonable offer. It doesn’t sound like you’ve been that kind of thoughtful.

Buggered · 18/05/2018 11:06

Put your tin hat on OP. Incoming!!!!!!!!

SoyDora · 18/05/2018 11:07

When does she get her 3 days at home relaxing and enjoying herself when you take a non sleeping toddler away to sleep in a confined space together?

Trinity66 · 18/05/2018 11:07

Yes, YABU! Offer to look after DD whilst she visits her parents!

.

GummyGoddess · 18/05/2018 11:08

Can't you take over with DD from now and encourage her to go away still? Then she's refreshed for going away and her parents will entertain DD for her while she's there so she will get a break.

SoyDora · 18/05/2018 11:08

I reckon YANBU as long as she gets the same in return (3 days/nights uninterrupted peace and quiet) sometime soon.

formerbabe · 18/05/2018 11:09

If this was the other way round and a mum posting this, it would get completely different responses!

PotteringAlong · 18/05/2018 11:11

You don’t want to encourage her to go because you think she will enjoy it regardless; you want her to go so you can have your mini holiday and not have to deal with any of it!

MrsWembley · 18/05/2018 11:13

Oh for the love of god!Shock Is this a reverse? If not, how fucking stupid are you to be asking this question!!!???

I take my DCs away by myself to see my DM sometimes, but it's always midweek when DP is working and it's never relaxing but it's the best way for everyone else. I make sure that DP knows it's not relaxing...

It's really not a holiday! Don't be an idiot Hmm

RayRayBidet · 18/05/2018 11:14

YANBU I have done the same thing while DH took 2 dd's abroad to visit his parents. But yes in the future you should return the favour.

Branleuse · 18/05/2018 11:14

i dont think youre being unreasonable, but how many days are you thinking of out of your annual leave?

If you were booking 4, could you reduce it to two and then offer to take another two days where you take the baby away so she gets a break from parent duties too

thetriangleisarealinstrument · 18/05/2018 11:14

I reckon YANBU as long as you take some time to allow your wife to have a rest in return when she gets back.
I think given that actually she will not be alone she will be with her parents its not that bad really. Its not like there will be no one there to take toddler out for a bit so mum can get some space.
When I visit my parents with our toddler Its not much different from being at home with my husband in terms of childcare.. in fact a little better because there are two of them! Even if they dont actually babysit they are still two people with their eye on the toddler which allows you to at least have a cup of tea in peace etc

Fatted · 18/05/2018 11:15

How would you feel about the situation if you were going to be in her shoes going away for 3 days on your own with a toddler knowing she would be having days in her pants watching box sets? Yes she will likely still enjoy herself, but she's also not really going to be having a holiday while she's away while you sound like you will.

Tiredspice2 · 18/05/2018 11:16

What a funny person you are!! Are you for real?

Trinity66 · 18/05/2018 11:16

If this was the other way round and a mum posting this, it would get completely different responses!

Have you read the thread about the woman who wanted to watch the Royal wedding on her birthday........ I think you're mistaken Grin

Spudlet · 18/05/2018 11:17

Depends on her parents though, mine are lovely but hopeless at giving me a break if I go by myself with DS. It just doesn't seem to occur to them, even when they've specifically asked me there for the purpose of giving me some help! Bless them 🙄

Poptart4 · 18/05/2018 11:19

YADNBU... We all need some time and space to ourselves sometimes. That doesn't make you a bad person. I practically pushed my husband out the door on a fishing trip because I was looking forward to a weekend to myself. That doesn't mean I don't love or care for him. In fact by the end of the weekend I was really looking forward to spending some time with him again.

I'm sure your in laws will help your wife with your daughter especially if they don't see her on a regular basis.

Just return the favour on a later date and give your wife a few days to herself if she wants it.

EthelHornsby · 18/05/2018 11:19

Turn it round - do you have any plans to go away for a couple of days with your toddler so that she can sit around in her pants watching box sets in peace? If not, why not?

Pengggwn · 18/05/2018 11:20

Don't be so selfish. Wanting your wife to take away a small child so you get 'time to yourself' but she has to deal with travelling and disruption to the routine of a toddler who is struggling to settle. Don't be so daft.

BuntyII · 18/05/2018 11:20

Why aren't you looking after the child while she goes away? Did that even cross your mind? FFS

TheClitterati · 18/05/2018 11:20

what do you think would be best for your DD OP?

If she is unsettled, I think probably the answer to that is staying at home with you.

TheClitterati · 18/05/2018 11:21

(have you been watching The Letdown on Netflix perchance?)

TheClitterati · 18/05/2018 11:22

But yeah, your wife can still go away for a few days. So win-win.

Pickleypickles · 18/05/2018 11:22

YANBU to want 3 days peace, YABU if you dont have any plans to reciprocate in the near future.

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