To want wife to go away for a few days?

[LittleOrphanFunkhouser]

My DW has a trip to one of Europe's major cities planned with our DD (recently a toddler) staying with her parents in a very small apartment. I am not going, instead I booked a couple of days of work to coincide with their trip, during which I would mainly sit around in my pants at home watching movies I haven't been able to watch (because OH hates sci-fi), take the dog for long walks while I listen to podcasts, and generally savour some time without daddy/ husband duties. In the last few days DD has had extremely disrupted nights, waking up at three in the morning, screaming for no apparent reason and generally doing what toddlers do.. As a result DW is having second thoughts about going away for a week, where she and DD would be sharing quite a confined space with the in-laws. I want to encourage her to go, because I think she will enjoy it regardless, and also because I am looking forward to some time to myself. AIBU?

You should look after your dd while she has the trip away

She's going to visit her parents, I'm sure that was her idea, not his.

I like how you cut off the next part of my post though, good job

The wife has no said she doesn't want to go btw

The hate you’re getting is bizarre OP. FWIW I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. What you’re planning sounds like bliss.

I would only say that as long as your wife gets the opportunity to do the same if she ever wants to, you’re doing nothing wrong whatsoever.

Presumably, OP’s wife planned the trip to take the toddler to see her parents and wasn’t forced into doing so by OP. I don’t particularly blame him for taking the opportunity to have that time off on his own. I would do the same if my DH wanted to take our children on a visit to his parents for 3 days. But is that ok because I’m a woman?

No one is saying that though cathf. Maybe this is not the best time for DD to be away from home, even if it means OP doesn't get his break. It's shit, but that's parenting and the choice made.

You should look after your dd while she has the trip away

Presumably the point of the trip is that the in-laws get to see their daughter and Grandchild, and vice-versa?

Presumably OP's wife's parents want to see the toddler, so OP leaving toddler at home is not really a solution (if this was my family, there would be zero point in my going by myself as my parents have no interest in seeing me).

Are the in-laws the sort that will pitch in with childcare, or just make it more difficult than normal?

Wow, quite a mixed range of responses! Something I probably should have clarified in my OP was that the entire trip was my PIL and DWs idea and that they adore our DD and are very good with looking after grandchildren (having raised two kids themselves), therefore the idea that DD stay home with me would somewhat defeat the object of the trip, plus the fact that DW HATES being away from DD for more than a couple of hours at a time.
I like to think of myself as a good father - I get up at night when DD is awake and then go to work. I go out with her at weekends when DW needs a few hours extra in bed, and I generally like to think of myself as a good dad. I'm aware the majority of the replies on here will be from women, so I would just ask that you try to put aside instinctive notions of men being inherently selfish assholes just for one second before replying, and imagine that there is at least some equality in this couple's child rearing responsibilities. And OF COURSE I will reciprocate if DW ever wants time alone herself!

Presumably also the DW, DD and GPs will get out and about in this 'major European city', which will hopefully be fun for everyone and may tire DD out so she might sleep better than she has been doing recently?

LittleOrphanFunkhouser The update makes it sound a bit better Could you not postpone the trip so your DD and Dw have a better time?

No one is saying that though cathf. Maybe this is not the best time for DD to be away from home, even if it means OP doesn't get his break. It's shit, but that's parenting and the choice made.

Yeah exactly, I love the leap to men aren't allowed have breaks when that's not what anyone was saying

yanbu and i would feel the same. encourage her to go, she'll have backup with her parents and the excitement of being somewhere else plus all the attention from gp's might actually tire her out to have better nights.

I can't understand why you are taking time off when your DW is away. Why not take the time off when she is back and spend it together as a family?

I visit my Dad midweek. No help. My choice to go alone when DH is working but he would never take his time off like that. It is strange.

YANBU, probably, and I don’t understand the outrage here.
Presumably the trip with toddler to see her grandparents was DW’s idea, it occurred to DH that toddler free box set slobbing would be bliss (Oh how our definition of luxury changes post children!), so now he’s a bit disappointed that plans are changing. He said he is encouraging her to go, not making her, and nowhere does he say he is angry.

OP my only concern in DW’s shoes, would be if you have the normal modest amount of annual leave from an employer, and are therefore choosing solo vegging over family holiday time. If DW is using her annual leave then that’s not really an issue, except you could be spending time with your DC.

I don’t think people would be so scathing if you’d planning an activity in their absence, but that’s illogical, mountaineering/ fell-running is no less selfish a choice than scratching your bollocks, and when mine was two, some time alone knowing my daughter was in safe and loving hands would have been lovely, I’d have missed her, but been refreshed.

Well if she won't be away from your DD for more than a few hours then yes, definitely encourage her to go. Surely it will be nice to have a week in Paris, Rome, Barcelona - or wherever - even if it is with a toddler? Better than being at home for a week anyway. And if it's Paris then they have superb playgrounds all over the city - it's a great place to go with kids of all ages.

YANBU, everyone deserves a break now and again. Your wife will have her parents to help look after your DD and give her a break if she wants it.

I can't understand why you are taking time off when your DW is away. Why not take the time off when she is back and spend it together as a family?

Families don't have to spend every breathing minute together you know. It would drive me insane to have my DP spend his every free minute with me and vice-versa I would imagine.

I’m totally shocked that the majority of posters would not be looking forward to a few days by themselves, unless they’re not admitting it! I’m with you OP!

YANBU! It sounds great. Your DW should definitely still go. Makes no sense not to.

If your toddler is anything like mine it's possible that by next week she'll be sleeping absolutely fine. Also, three adults caring for a toddler is easier than one person so if she isn't it doesn't necessarily mean your wife will have a terrible time. I don't think you're being unreasonable to want some time to yourself. Everyone does after a while. Everyone needs a break occasionally.

If I were in the same situation I would expect that my husband would do what he could to make things easier up to the point I was leaving.

I’m totally shocked that the majority of posters would not be looking forward to a few days by themselves, unless they’re not admitting it! I’m with you OP!

I’d love a few days myself. That’s why I’d happily take the DC to my parents leaving DH at home, as long as I got the same 3 days in return.

For goodness sake the vitriol towards OP is ridiculous is it so wrong for an adult to state they have needs occasionally , he sounds like he shares the childcare with his wife , my husband and I both work shifts when we see the other burning out we take on he kids to give the other a break . My husband goes fishing trips I see friends or get a day out or veg out listening to podcasts , it’s the key to happiness I’d say . His wife is going to grandparents who will presumably help with the child for a few days .

I can't understand why you are taking time off when your DW is away. Why not take the time off when she is back and spend it together as a family?

Believe it or not, some people actually enjoy spending time alone. I’m an introvert and actually feel I NEED it. I love my family more than anything on this Earth but I still love it when they all go to work/school and I get some hours to myself to recharge.

It’s not strange.

Introvert here too , I burn out when I’m around people for too long . A day or two alone is very energizing and my family get the best from me .

Settling in for the bun fight, popcorn anyone?

Fair enough OP - enjoy yourself!