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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want wife to go away for a few days?

151 replies

LittleOrphanFunkhouser · 18/05/2018 10:57

My DW has a trip to one of Europe's major cities planned with our DD (recently a toddler) staying with her parents in a very small apartment. I am not going, instead I booked a couple of days of work to coincide with their trip, during which I would mainly sit around in my pants at home watching movies I haven't been able to watch (because OH hates sci-fi), take the dog for long walks while I listen to podcasts, and generally savour some time without daddy/ husband duties. In the last few days DD has had extremely disrupted nights, waking up at three in the morning, screaming for no apparent reason and generally doing what toddlers do.. As a result DW is having second thoughts about going away for a week, where she and DD would be sharing quite a confined space with the in-laws. I want to encourage her to go, because I think she will enjoy it regardless, and also because I am looking forward to some time to myself. AIBU?

OP posts:
AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 18/05/2018 14:08

YANBU, it's really good to everyone to have time alone sometimes. I'd be so disappointed in your shoes if my lovely me-time was cancelled!

Cawfee · 18/05/2018 14:12

YANBU as long as she gets 3 days alone time in the house while you take DD away. Is that going to happen? If not, then you are being very unreasonable

VivaKondo · 18/05/2018 14:22

If she isn't having a blast, she can choose not to go.
Actually the issue the OP has is that his dw is CHOOSING not to go but it interferes with his plans of being on his own and having the house himself.

Im not sure how it can be ok for him to push his wife to go if she doesnt want to....
A better question would be to ask her why the change of mind and what is stopping her.

mamahanji · 18/05/2018 14:26

I would do almost anything for you my dp to take the kids away for a few days so I could sit on my arse and do whatever the hell I wanted.

So yanbu. But neither is she for not wanted to go away with a grizzly toddler.

biscuitraider · 18/05/2018 14:27

Sounds a bit that the ops wife can't manage a few days on her own with one child. Imagine if it was the other way round, this is what'd get said. Cawfee the op has already stated that he'd be quite happy to do the same.

Newerversion · 18/05/2018 14:30

And you will obviously then take your child away for a while so your dw gets a chance to sit around in her pants watching movies?

AcrossthePond55 · 18/05/2018 14:35

So why don't you make the offer for her to leave DD with you and let her (and the iLs) decide? They might actually enjoy the time away just 'parents and adult child' in a little 'us time'. Have you even suggested it? Or would that ruin your 'me time'?

DH and I have always had a 'mixed bag' of holidays, most together but some on our own. Our general rule was that the kids stayed at home with the 'left behind' parent unless we were visiting extended family without each other.

pallisers · 18/05/2018 14:37

Our general rule was that the kids stayed at home with the 'left behind' parent unless we were visiting extended family without each other.

Following that rule the wife would bring the toddler - right?

SoapOnARoap · 18/05/2018 14:37

YANBU

Luisa27 · 18/05/2018 14:39

Agree with you wholeheartedly OP - but wait.... am I your wife??? 😮
I do this very regularly to visit family in Tuscany - and have done for a few years now...always young babies/toddlers in tow.
I think your lovely wife should go... hopefully your little one will be fabulously spoiled by the Nonni and your wife can relax a little bit with her family.
You stay home and enjoy the peace with your podcasts and dog 😂.....BUT you MUST return the favour soon....I’m thinking spa weekend?

AcrossthePond55 · 18/05/2018 15:19

No Pallisers. I'm talking about trips back home to visit large extended family. A trip to a destination with just the parents wouldn't be that and whether the children went would depend on the destination & planned activities

In OPs situation either of us would be volunteering to keep the child home.

Aylarose · 18/05/2018 15:22

Of course YABU. So this is definitely a reverse!

Maybe the toddler stays with DH, that seems fair. Then the question answer would be no YANBU!

SantaClauseMightWork · 18/05/2018 15:23

If you do the same for her, then I get that you deserve. Give her 3 days to do whatever she likes while you take DD away.

Aylarose · 18/05/2018 15:28

Oh also if this isn't a reverse then I think part of the problem with your question is that you clearly intend to lie about what you will really be doing.

You are either staying at home to work so should be spending most of the time working. OR you are staying at home to sit in your pants, watching films, in which case you should be going on the trip OR admitting to your wife that you basically just need time to relax.

pallisers · 18/05/2018 15:55

A trip to a destination with just the parents wouldn't be that and whether the children went would depend on the destination & planned activities

But it is planned for the woman and her dd to go. Also I'm not that sure it is a separate destination - I read the OP that the parents lived in a small apartment in a major European city and the OP was visiting them.

Anyway, even if they were away from home, if I rocked up to my parents for a weekend - even if they were somewhere away from home - without the cutie grandchild, they'd be gutted.

Does it really make me a bad person that if dh was planning a trip away with the toddler, I'd be disappointed if he said he was thinking of not going and my weekend of lie-ins and crappy tv was off the table?

OpenthePickles · 18/05/2018 15:56

Does it really make me a bad person that if dh was planning a trip away with the toddler, I'd be disappointed if he said he was thinking of not going and my weekend of lie-ins and crappy tv was off the table?

Absolutely not. I'd feel exactly the sameGrin.

cathf · 18/05/2018 15:57

Q: My DH is taking our child on holiday with his parents. AIBU to book some time off work to enjoy some me time when they are away?
Answer: Of course not OP. It's important that you recharge your batteries. Your DH is going ON HOLDAY with loads of help - that's the only reason he is going. If had to look after the child alone he wouldn't bother. You are being very generous allowing him to go In the first place.

biscuitraider · 18/05/2018 16:14

Good grief. If this was the dh going away with child i bet everyone wouldn't be saying, make sure the favour gets returned. Such paranoia about making sure everything is exactly equal.

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/05/2018 16:24

I think the issues is whether the DGPs would be happy with a disturbed, screaming, non-sleeping child in a tiny space. Mine very much wouldn't. Some totally would and would help as well.

Sorry if you don't get your pants, SciFi and (I hope) beer and curry. I would fucking LOVE that.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 18/05/2018 16:26

YANBU everyone needs a bit of space, there is nothing worse than planning a chill out day only for it to be cancelled last minute. Your DC might actually benefit from a holiday if she's grumpy. But yes, I would return the favour when she gets back home. If it all gets cancelled I'd understand you feeling fed up. I am a bit of an introvert so crave sitting around in pants watching films days, probably not sci-fi though, but a break from the Disney Pixar or superheroes would be great!

Lolabels · 18/05/2018 16:31

YANBU at all

biscuitraider · 18/05/2018 16:39

Well speaking as a grandparent myself, who lives in a different country to dgc, i'd be over the moon getting a visit from dd and dgd. If it's a screaming grandchild so be it, rather that than not see her. But i really don't think the child would be screaming non stop.

Socrates73 · 18/05/2018 16:43

Op I think fair enough, so long as you organise that your wife has an equivalent amount of relaxation before of after the holiday. Toddlers are hard work especially when they don't sleep. Yanbu to want a break but yabu if you think you are the ONLY one who should get a break.

biscuitraider · 18/05/2018 17:08

Do people not read the thread, he's said he'd absolutely do the same for her. It's like people are determined to think he wouldn't. Why would they think that. Confused

bsbabas · 18/05/2018 18:55

Grow up why do men act like babies when you really need them to man up and just put the hard work in.

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