To think getting your hair & make up done professionally for a funeral is weird?

[SingleTakenOliviaBenson]

That basically. My friend's mum's funeral is today and a hairdresser and a makeup artist have just shown up to do her up. She's not well off by any stretch (on benefits, council house), doesn't bother with hair and makeup normally. I'm looking after her 2 DS, getting them breakfast and ready for nursery whilst trying to get ready myself for the funeral.

So AIBU to think this is a little weird?

I've reported this thread.

If anything is "not in the spirit of MN" it's this.

You really need to take a long, hard look at yourself OP.

I'll tell you what's weird...

Maybe she thinks here Mum would appreciate the effort? Not a very nice post about your “friend” on the day of her mother’s funeral...

You are breathtakingly spiteful. The snide observation that she lives in a council house and is on benefits - what relevance is that?

You're not a friend.

You posted on here hoping we'd all join you in slagging off a grieving woman who has the audacity to want to look good for her final outing with her mother.

Shame on you.

Not weird in the least. Why ever would she not want to look her best as a last tribute to her mum? Frankly, it would be up to her if she wanted to wear a bin-liner - whatever enables her to get through the day is right for her to wear.

You sound an absolute delight, OP.

Glad I'm not your friend.

Posting this thread shows up exactly what sort of “friend” you are.

It’s her Mums funeral for fucks sake. Let her do whatever will make this horrible day easier for her.

I pay a lot of attention to doing my hair, nails etc and dressing very smartly for funerals. It seems respectful to the deceased and makes me feel more confident on what is bound to be a difficult day. I went to a funeral recently and considered booking in to get a blow dry but I didn't have enough time in the morning so I did it myself.

After having recently been to a funeral, one thing I've decided when my time comes is I do not want everyone there dressed in black looking miserable. I want it to be a celebration of the life I had.

Let her do what she wants to and needs to. She's having a hard enough time as it is and for some people knowing they are looking their best is a way of helping them cope with the situation.

Its up to her. I would think it's her last time of going out with her mum as far as she's concerned. Don't be so unkind.

I had my hair done for my Dads funeral and I bought a new dress too. And for my Mum’s funeral I had my roots done. For my baby’s funeral I wore a nice dress. That I’m with you, OP? Fuck you.

I'm looking after her 2 DS, getting them breakfast and ready for nursery whilst trying to get ready myself for the funeral

And yet you find time to be nasty about this friend on MN?

The mark of a true friend indeed.

If she has been estranged from her mother for 6 years I fully suspect that she will be seeing some people at the funeral she has not seen for a while., She may be making the effort because she has possibly been painted as a black sheep or ne'er do well or want to feel confident in herself when meeting these people again rather than feeling dowdy or potentially a failure as you have so kindly pointed out she is on benefits and has a council house(!!)

You don't necessarily know the back story so don't judge. Each to their own.

My friend’s grandad just died and her grandma had her hair done professionally the morning of the funeral. I don’t see what is wrong with wanting a little dignity during grief. YABU.

It's unusual but people handle grief and funerals in different ways. As long as no one close to the deceased shags someone on the casket then it's best to reel in the judgment hammer.

Sounds weird to me, I always wear make up but my make up was the last thing I worried about at my Dads funeral I was just trying to cope with getting through the day, It all came off when I cried anyway.

My mum told me if I didn't make sure my roots were done for her funeral she would keep a space in the coffin for me. People get through the shock of death and the trauma of a funeral any way they can..

I actually think hairs different, I dont know why I feel like that, Maybe because theres more point to it as it wont get messed up with crying.

Not everyone cries at funerals, many try to put on a show for that day and keep their grief private. Their pain is as valid as anyone else's.

Waterproof makeup exists. I am sure the makeup artist took this into consideration.

The mother whose baby's funeral I was at yesterday is a makeup artist, her makeup looked as good after the funeral as it did when she first applied it despite her, naturally, crying for hours on the day.

I can't wrap my head around someone judging a bereaved person on the day of a loved ones funeral. Vile is the only word for it.

I don’t normally wear makeup day to day, and I’m a bit of a scruff, but it was super important to me to wear a nice new dress and make up for my mum’s funeral. Even though I was heavily pregnant at the time so going shopping for stuff was a struggle. I wanted to look nice for my mum. I didn’t get hair and makeup done professionally, but can’t see anything wrong with sonmeone doing that. Judging someone who is grieving the loss of a close relative, on the other hand...

She wants to do her Mum proud. But how dare she want to look presentable when she's on benefits and has a council house!

You seem to be under the illusion that because she was estranged from her mum that this is all a walk in the park for her.

One of my best friends was estranged from her dad for 15 years. He was an abusive alcoholic who died from liver failure. I went with her to the funeral and it was so incredibly hard for her. It brought up many many emotions, none of them good. It was so bloody hard for her. She looked beautiful - she had to face family who she hadn’t seen in years either. It was her equivalent of wearing a suit of armour.

Her mum died 10 years later. She said it was so much easier to deal with than her dads death. Yes she was grief stricken, but everyone was there to celebrate her mums life and say goodbye to her. She shared loads of memories and people said lovely things about her mum. A completely different experience.

Please don’t underestimate how hard this is for your friend. Estranged or not, Facebook photos or whatever. It’s her mum who has died and that will be hurting her underneath it all.

I’ve a funny feeling you are reading all these posts and are still laughing at and judging your friend.

There's no right way of grieving. Losing a parent is disorientating. Her appearance is one of the only things she can control today when the entire world has been flipped upside down. Maybe focusing on putting on a front is giving her something to cling on to. Grabbing on to something that helps when the death of parent has hit you isn't weird at all. What other people would do is up to them. Whatever gets them through.

Bitching about a friend getting their hair done for their mum's funeral and then telling that friend about it is spectacularly weird and shitty.

OP you are vile. My mum’s funeral was a couple of weeks ago and damn right I made an effort to look nice. As did most people there.

Have some compassion ffs and STFU.