To think getting your hair & make up done professionally for a funeral is weird?

[SingleTakenOliviaBenson]

That basically. My friend's mum's funeral is today and a hairdresser and a makeup artist have just shown up to do her up. She's not well off by any stretch (on benefits, council house), doesn't bother with hair and makeup normally. I'm looking after her 2 DS, getting them breakfast and ready for nursery whilst trying to get ready myself for the funeral.

So AIBU to think this is a little weird?

YABU entirely, I cannot imagine posting a snide thread about my friend on the morning of her mother’s funeral. If it makes the day easier for her then that’s what matters. I know a woman who popped into the hairdressers on the morning of her dad’s, it was easier than having to think about sorting her own hair out.

I did for my nans funeral. She was one of those ladies who was always presentable. She was very glamorous when she was young so I wanted to make an effort for her funeral, I felt like I was doing it for her. I felt like if she could see me she would proud of me. I hope no one judged me for that.
We also picked posh food for everyone for her wake even though we are more cheapy sausage roll and sandwiches type people

It’s a coping strategy.
It’s the last thing she can publicly do for her mum with her mum being physically there.

Recently I’ve had a funeral which was my dd’s First funeral attendance. I couldn’t really afford it but I bought her a complete new outfit (cheaply) as I knew it would make dd feel better about the awfulness of the day.
You do what you can to get through

It’s her final goodbye to her mum single
Just let her get through the day anyway she can
You need to be supporting her not posting about her on here

What a horrid thread OP!

What is the MATTER with you?

Just be a fucking FRIEND.

You'd have more time to 'try and get ready for the funeral' if you spent less time on Mumsnet posting judgemental posts about someone who is supposed to be your friend.

She's grieving and whatever helps her through that is ok in my book.

Well. She does live in a council house. Ffs op you’re nasty.

Stop bitching... the circumstances of their relationship don't matter. Be a friend not a bitch!

My mum died last year, I did my fake tan the night before and went to the hairdressers in the morning - would you like to bitch about how weird that is too?!

Luckily my friends and family didn't care about it or how I looked.

Will you also be posting after the funeral that she didn't shed a tear or that she's drank a bottle of wine as soon as she gets home or that she was laughing and joking at the wake?! Because I did all of that too, it didn't make me a bad person or that I didn't love her or wasn't devastated my mum had died. I coped. I am still coping a year on.

You do sound like you wanted us all to go "YANBU, she sounds like a heartless bitch who didn't care about her mum and has seized an excuse to glam up for the day at her expense." That may well be true, I don't know. She may also be genuinely upset and doing this in order to cope. We don't know which it is (or if it's a bit of both).

I would find it unusual, I'll admit that. Mind you I posted a make-up-free selfie (it was going round SM at the time) on the morning of my mum's funeral, asking people to get breasts screened as that's what she died of, so I may be a bit biased the other way here....

Have you told your 'friend' that you've posted the whole benefits/council house, now taking selfies for Facebook thing? You're trying to make her out to be an awful person, while you are being a martyr with the whole 'didn't have time to put on mascara because I was so busy' line.

Even a funeral of a parent after being estranged for so long is bloody hard.

Support your friend or leave her alone.

Your OP was bad enough but your follow-up post is even more judgemental.

You sound horrible and I hope her other friends are more caring and supportive than you.

Grief is the strangest thing. When my DD died I became obsessed with needing to get my hair cut before the funeral but is was too busy to find time. In the end my DH called the hairdressers (who knew what had happened) and they stayed open late one night for e to get my hair done. Looking back i think u felt nothing was within my control and this was just one thing i could do that was normal and ordinary.

OP maybe your friend feel this is the only way she can greet her friends and family and retain some kind of control over what is going on?

I had my hair done a couple of days before DH's funeral - and I dressed up on the day. I wanted to look good for him, and it made me feel I'd done my best for him. I also wore the last jewellery he bought me. It helped me cope.

I had my hair done the morning of my Mum's funeral.
Partly because the hairdressers are my friends & offered to do it for me, partly because I didn't have the energy to do it, but mostly because my mum planned her funeral and it took a lot for her to do that, I was speaking and singing and I didn't want to let her down in any way.

You sound really awful OP.

You’ve told her you’ve posted this on MN ???
Fucking marvellous........... that’s going to add to her day
Nasty , very nasty

I got a blow dry on the morning of my dad’s funeral. My mum wanted us to be presentable and the thought of washing and drying hair was too much for the both of us.

Why do people feel the need to post about stuff like this?

Estranged or not, it was still her mother. She will no doubt have complex emotions at a time like this. Who gives a fuck if she decides to get her hair and make-up done? We all cope in different ways.

You don't sound like a very supportive friend.

I saw a widow to the same for her husband’s funeral.I just thought that grief is quite disorientating and that was possible something that helped her to hold herself together on the day.

I’m sorry your friend is not adhering to your script of what a bereaved person should be, but to be honest, you sound quite crap at understanding/supporting someone who is grieving. Starting a thread about this... do you think a funeral is for entertainment purposes and can be discussed as a good soap opera???

Also to clarify, she had been estranged from her mother for the past 6 years and hasn't spoken to her at all in that time. She's currently taking selfies and putting them on Facebook. Idc really if this comes across as mean/bitchy, I've told her I've posted this as she thinks she should treat herself??

You did what? You criticised her choices, to her face and behind her back, the morning of her mother's funeral? Is there something very wrong with you?

For what it's worth, my mum had a very difficult relationship with her own mum; my dad had a great one with his parents. I saw them both lose their parents, and mum's grief wasn't lesser than dad's, just very different - and much more complex. He grieved for the people he'd known and loved, she grieved for her mum but also for the mum she never had. The death of someone you're estranged from is a very complicated pain.

When my dad died I had my hair done at the hairdressers for the funeral and unusually, I was very specific about how I wanted it to look. It was the last time I would do anything 'with'my dad and I wanted to look good for him.
Your friend mat have been estranged from her mum, but that doesn't mean that her death hasn't stirred up feelings she thought buried. It doesn't matter what you think. How she gets through today is up to her, and as long as no-one gets hurt or harmed by her choice, it's none of your business.

I had my hair done for my DF's funeral recently. I had an appt with a personal shopper to try and find an outfit too...I am usually scruffy and not very confident with my appearance and exhausted with it all,but he liked to be smart, I was also aware that lots of his friends would be there and I didnt want to let him down. I think I focussed on it as a way of coping and a break from all the 'what colour coffin lining do you want' decisions.

There is something very wrong with your behaviours, I don’t know how you can call yourself a friend, shocking, absolutely shocking.

Yeah, it is weird.