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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think getting your hair & make up done professionally for a funeral is weird?

160 replies

SingleTakenOliviaBenson · 18/05/2018 07:40

That basically. My friend's mum's funeral is today and a hairdresser and a makeup artist have just shown up to do her up. She's not well off by any stretch (on benefits, council house), doesn't bother with hair and makeup normally. I'm looking after her 2 DS, getting them breakfast and ready for nursery whilst trying to get ready myself for the funeral.

So AIBU to think this is a little weird?

OP posts:
jaxhwc · 18/05/2018 08:52

Some people show respect my looking their best. Bit like when people dress up to go to church. Maybe it's that?

TuTru · 18/05/2018 08:52

I find it odd, but maybe because there’ll be a lot of ppl there she rarely sees?
I’ve never known anyone else do that for a funeral. But then we are all quite poor lol

BastardMs · 18/05/2018 08:54

Mumsnet will not allow you to think something is odd or strange, much less express an opinion about it!

I really don't think this has anything to do with "Mumsnet" at all.

Dandeliontea123 · 18/05/2018 08:55

If you can't say anything nice, don't bother saying anything at all to your friend, OP.

I remember feeling strongly that I needed to 'put my face on' when my dad died, because I was such a mess inside, but had to be strong for other family members, and had to get out and about to arrange the funeral, etc.

Let your friend do what she has to do to get through the day. It is not your place to judge.

BlueJava · 18/05/2018 08:56

I wonder if this is happening more now and becoming a thing. I went to a funeral recently and three members of the family had had their hair and full make up done with new clothes and hats. It's not something I'd do (I don't wear makeup for a start), but whatever helps them. People grieve in different ways.

Buzzlightyearsbumchin · 18/05/2018 08:56

Mumsnet will not allow you to think something is odd or strange, much less express an opinion about it!

Wanting to look nice for a funeral isn't odd at all Confused

Rachie1973 · 18/05/2018 08:58

SingleTakenOliviaBenson
Idc really if this comes across as mean/bitchy,

You're not normal!

As an estranged child I wonder if perhaps its a 2 finger salute..... which makes sense in a way. Hair and make up can be used like armour.

I had my hair professionally done on the day of my FIL's funeral. We wanted to make him proud on the day, so made a point of making sure we looked appropriate.

You're not a 'good' friend, in fact I question your label as 'friend' at all. You're mean, jealous and spiteful.

BurpeesAreTheWorkOfTheDevil · 18/05/2018 08:59

I can understand actually, I've lost 2 people I care about in the last month and bought new makeup and dresses for the funeral.

The funeral is the very last thing you can do for your loved one and I don't think wanting to look your best for their final journey is that weird

Furano · 18/05/2018 08:59

Maybe she wants to feel good about herself in front of lots of people?

Penfold007 · 18/05/2018 09:00

My DSF's funeral was on Wednesday. DSis and I made sure our DM had a smart new outfit and booked a hairdresser for her. We also made sure we were smartly turned out to show our respect for him and our support for her.
Judge away OP.

Candyflip · 18/05/2018 09:01

You’ve told her you posted this? At least she knows you are a cunt then.

RayDropofGoldenSun · 18/05/2018 09:04

I'd imagine she wants to look her best as it's an important day.

Probably seeing relatives and friends she hasn't seen in a while so best face forward attitude.

perpetuallybewildered · 18/05/2018 09:05

I had my hair done for my mum’s funeral, I also bought a new dress. My mum would have appreciated me making an effort to look as good as possible on the day.

I looked awful in the run up though. Too busy organising things and trying to cope with the loss to think about my looks.

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 18/05/2018 09:08

OP you are horrible, and not much of a friend bitching about someone that way.

Most people try to stay dignified and hide their grief during a funeral, and it's unbelievably hard to put on a show when you just really want to have a melt down. If having your hair and make up done help you to go through the day without breaking down, it is a positive thing to do, why can't you support your friend?

Some people took selfies, not my thing, but so what. If it helps them, why do you care.

If you are in the UK, it's especially hard with the ridiculous waiting lists for funeral lasting 3 to 4 weeks. If you can't show any sympathy for your friend who is burying her mum today, you need to take a step back, she deserves better people than you.

Frequency · 18/05/2018 09:13

I went to a funeral for a baby yesterday. The mother had her hair cut and coloured and bought a new dress for the funeral.

I can't even put into words how vile I think your OP is. And if anyone had judged the mother yesterday, I daren't imagine what I would've done to them. Luckily, she only has friends and family around her at this time. It's a shame your 'friend' doesn't have the same.

specialsubject · 18/05/2018 09:15

a little strange, I suppose, but up to her.

i keep one oufit for funerals. no thinking and it stays smart.

bazingabazinga · 18/05/2018 09:21

But isn’t that what life is all about...you find something strange that I don’t...and vice versa.

Op it’s normal to find the actions of others strange but I’m not sure why you told her you posted this...?

supersop60 · 18/05/2018 09:22

It's unusual, I think. But YABU for being judgy on a funeral day.

Candyflip · 18/05/2018 09:24

Ah frequency, well said. That poor poor woman. Why on earth shouldn’t she make herself look her best for the person she loved the most in the world. The OP is just horrible.

playinthedarkness · 18/05/2018 09:24

People grieve in different ways, YABVVVU to think you can tell her how she grieves, whatever she is doing is right for her, be a friend and not so judgmental.

TheFirstMrsOsmond · 18/05/2018 09:31

Now that you've said she was estranged from her mother, I would imagine it is some sort of protective shield - she perhaps feels she will likely be getting a lot of looks/comments, possibly unkind or disapproving and she will feel more confident if she knows she looks her best? The funeral may be full of people who took her mother's "side" over whatever issues there were between them, having only heard her mother's side of the story.

Notso · 18/05/2018 09:33

The strangest thing is that you are going to the funeral tbh.

llangennith · 18/05/2018 09:37

I think it’s weird too.

Tutlefru · 18/05/2018 09:37

Jesus Christ with friends like you who needs enemies...

You sound truly lovely OP.

5cats · 18/05/2018 09:45

OP its strange and totally fuckin obnoxious of you posting this. I remember going to funerals 40 years ago as a child and every woman who went including the deceased relative's wife/mother/sister etc would get their hair washed and 'set' either the day before or the day of the funeral and makeup was always worn and immaculate. Hell women used to powder their faces in church after crying!
So its nothing new and i get 'done up' for funerals myself so be bloody ashamed of yourself. Oh and i have pictures of our family in front of my grandparents coffins because it was the last time we would all be together i was told.

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