To think getting your hair & make up done professionally for a funeral is weird?

[SingleTakenOliviaBenson]

That basically. My friend's mum's funeral is today and a hairdresser and a makeup artist have just shown up to do her up. She's not well off by any stretch (on benefits, council house), doesn't bother with hair and makeup normally. I'm looking after her 2 DS, getting them breakfast and ready for nursery whilst trying to get ready myself for the funeral.

So AIBU to think this is a little weird?

Doesn't seem unreasonable. Funerals can be quite stressful, especially big ones, where there are lots of people coming, many of whom you haven't seen for a while.

My Mum's funeral was big - a hundred or so at the church in our city, hundreds at the grave in her family's village with a receiving line at the grave that seemed to go on for hours, and although we couldn't accommodate them all for the wake, we had a sit down lunch for 50 or so close family at a nearby hotel. It was a big deal. I bought a beautiful black dress and wore it with heels, DH & DF wore black suits etc. I didn't have pro hair/makeup, but I could imagine another woman in my position would have.

We're Irish btw.

There was a thread a few days ago where the OP was annoyed because her Italian au pair was shocked that the OP was dressed up for a funeral. I would be shocked - well, surprised/judgy - if somebody came to an Irish funeral in jeans etc.

We all deal with things differently. I've had a full face of make up on for every funeral I've been to because it can be a bit like a mask to hide behind.

Wow. My personal opinion is that grief affects everyone differently; however a person feels or acts when they are grieving is not "weird". They are grieving in their own way, and their behaviour is normal.

Just because you didn't have the time/energy to make an effort with your appearance for your loved ones funerals doesn't mean that everyone else won't. Neither one is 'right or wrong' - I think some people may find it therapeutic to get groomed before a funeral, some people may not. Everyone deals with grief in their own way.

My mum died years ago; I rarely visit her grave and when I buy flowers for occasions like her birthday I put them in my kitchen instead of her grave. One of my friends commented that this is weird to her - I couldn't care less, it's my way of remembering her - us cooking together are some of my happiest memories, so I feel closest to her in the kitchen, how weird!

You sound like a terrible friend to be on here judging your friend on what must be a very hard day for her.

I made an effort for my dad’s funeral, not professional I grant you but my dad liked us to look nice. It was my last journey with him, the last time out with him, and I didn’t give a shit what anyone thought.

It was also armour to face everyone else. It’s a horrible feeling stepping out of the car to that wall of faces, however well meaning they are. Whatever she needs to do to face the day would be fine by me.

I had my hair done for both my parents funerals. It made me feel better that I looked nice for them.

I don’t think it’s that weird, she’s probably thinking about seeing her extended family and future photos as it is a major funeral for her. She will probably always look back at her mother’s funeral

I can see why it may look like her priorities are muddled up, but whatever helps her grieve. It’s probably helping take her mind of the reality of her life right now. Also getting your hair/makeup done doesn’t mean a complete drag makeover and the fullest possible makeup (inc contour, glitter, lashes etc). It could just be a freshen up of the hair and neutral makeup so she still looks like herself.

There isn’t really a set price on hair and makeup, she could have spent £30 on both, she could have spent more. Don’t think her council house is really relevant

the selfies maybe a bit odd but then again i think selfies are anyway but grief is a strange thing-you do whatever you can to get through it

my dms funeral i was in a daze most of the time-i do remember one relative complaining abot the food though and shes lucky i didnt lamp her one

apart from that i dont recall much-let your friend do what she wants just for today

I had a hair cut & a spray tan for DD's funeral
I spent four hours looking for a coat to wear. I planned my outfit meticulously. I would have had my make up too if I had thought of it.
My friend came with me.
She supported me without judgement

A lot of people, including me, want to look their very best for a funeral.
It means a lot to us.
If it doesn't to you I don't judge that.

It was my last journey with him, the last time out with him

That's how I felt reggae
I wasn't going to go to her wedding. I had to make her proud.

Wow OP you are judgy and you are a friend. I recently lost my dad, cared for him final couple months of his life along with my sibling ,my own DH and DC were amazing ,currently dealing with his estate .You know what I dyed my hair for his funeral and I wore my make up and I damm well looked my best. Because it how I coped on the day. It got me through and my best friend she told me how nice I looked .I have neither parent now I am young to have lost both .We all deal with grief in our own way .

My DH always thought I was stunning (regardless of the facts), and big hats suit me, so for his funeral I bought a super glamorous Mafia widow style hat and wore it with a long swirly black dress. I wanted to do him proud. I never wore it again. I gave it to the school sale.

And the death of an estranged parent can be even worse than that of one where all the emotional lines are loving and simple.

OP, I am so glad you're not my friend. Empathy free zone is the term that springs to mind.

My grandmother and most of her friends would always go get their hair done the morning of a funeral so it worked with a black hat. So it is nothing new. Traditional and normal if nothing else to try smarten up for a funeral.

If you think she's shallow and superficial, I can see how this would reinforce your view of her.

I don’t get the relevance of her being on benefits or living in a council house? So what??

My understanding is that it’s totally normal to be made up and have hair done for a funeral - if you are the corpse.

I think it’s a bit much and a bit ‘it’s all about me’ otherwise to be honest.

Probably going to get flamed for that but you asked for opinions and that’s mine 😉

I think it’s a bit much and a bit ‘it’s all about me’ otherwise to be honest.

When you've had weeks of dealing with death and all the stuff around it, what is wrong with some self care?

A friend and her daughters did this when they lost her husband. They'd been through months of seeing him so ill, they must have been beyond exhausted. They had a personal shopper find them something to wear, and someone came on the day to do their hair and make up. I don't see it as any different to getting the wake professionally catered or having it somewhere other than home.

Honesty? Each to their own but I’m responding directly to ops request for opinions.

I’ve dealt with a lot of horrible situations and deaths and to be perfectly honest, the last thing I’d be thinking of is booking a mobile hairdresser or a make up artist. Too busy grieving and dealing with the aftermath

I went to the hairdresser (and had a new outfit) for my mother’s funeral. My father needed me and my sister to look our best and to be strong.

I don't think YBU, it is a bit odd that she is doing this, and then taking selfies and putting them on fb. To be honest, if it was my mum's funeral (who I speak to every day) I don't think I'd be able to even think about hair and makeup and I don't leave the house before doing mine.

With friends like you eh OP...? None of your judgemental bitchy business.

You would have done TheFirstMrsDV. I’ve seen you post about your DD before and have no doubt she’d be proud of you.

Thanks Reggae

Shut up OP, your post is nasty and mean. So what if she’s on benefits, isn’t she allowed to look nice? Get a grip!

I was at a young womans funeral last week she died unexpectedly I went to theshops with my Dd to help her pick afuneral outfit because she wanted to look nice forher friend my heart broke for those kids who were alldone up they just wanted to look decent

Well most people when they lose a parent / family member, usually buy a new outfit and dress up for the funeral. Not due to vanity but dressing nice out of respect. It takes a lot to have to bury your parent and be around a ton of people when you just want to be alone at such a horrific time. If she needs to get her hair and make up done to give her a confidence boost to get through the day, so be it. I think you are incredibly judgy and not a great friend.