AIBU to want at least 4 kids?

[MrsCD67]

How many do you have and what are the age gaps like? Would you want more and why?

“I don’t understand your point Lonicera?”

I don’t understand why you don’t understand MyDcAreMarvel

DD has had more than her fair share of health issues, friendship issues and bullying. She did GCSEs in years 10 and 11, AS levels last year and now it is stress city in our house with A levels looming. I don’t understand why anyone would want to put themselves through that four times.

I don't judge people for having loads of kids. I just think they are bonkers. But then I am not very maternal and too much of a worrier - and too lazy to look after loads of children and all the drudgery associated with it, because I do regard it as drudgery.

Couldn't agree more with @theplanetjanet

I have 1 DD, plan on adopting in my mid 30s. Can't see the sense in having another when there are children in need of homes already.

JacintaJones Exactly! My DH ran his own business, I was a SAHM, we asked the state for nothing, not a cent. It's got nothing to do with anyone else how many children we have. I love my four dearly as I do my darling grand children. I would have loved more, it just didn't happen.

Well, plenty of people with children of their own would never get through the adoption panel. I wouldn’t.

I had five because - oooh, we wanted five.

We have the space, the time ( I am a SAHM), the love, the money and the attitude to have five.

I totally understand some people don't. Shame some of you can't reciprocate understanding why some people do.

Hmmmmm it’s such a personal decision, but re the environment and overpopulation, I already feel guilty enough about having two, but can talk myself into believing it’s fine because dh and I are replacing ourselves and no more. I never try to egg people on to have children at all as I’d rather people who weren’t fussed wouldn’t bother if they don’t want to. I definitely won’t be encouraging my dcs to “give me grandchildren” either. It’s a personal decision and I hate it when I see people being encouraged to breed just because it’s the done thing.

I suppose you could argue that your fourth child could be the one who does something amazing for the planet and if you didn’t have that child then the amazing thing wouldn’t happen.

Tbf, I also don’t think we could afford to house, feed and clothe more than two children without massively tightening our belts. I would feel bad for my existing children if we had a few more and they had to sacrifice a lot, financially and in terms of what attention we could give them, without getting any say in the decision.

We have one DD age 9 months so far. I would happily have 6 if DP would agree. He only wants 2 though and I think it would be unfair to make him have more children than he wants... So the agreement is EITHER 3 babies or 2 babies and a puppy.

I have two and one on the way. Age gaps will be almost 8, 5 1/2 and newborn. I would have loved a fourth, and would if money were no object - but I want to travel with my kids and be able to provide well for them. I don't think I could do that as much as i'd like if I had a fourth.

I'm nervous of the age gap, I wouldn't have chosen to do it like this. I absolutely loved the smaller (but not too small IMO!) age gap with dc1 and dc2. I am also hyper aware of not allowing any kind of parental expectations on my oldest child particularly. That is not their job, and from experience I disagree with it wholeheartedly.

All that aside, if you get to three children and want a fourth, you can afford the child and provide for them emotionally and physically, then that's entirely yours and DH's choice. I'm getting the impression you aren't even a parent though...

4 dcs.

13, 11, 8 and 5.

I think I would have liked one more but I'm 46 now and too old really.

They don't get on very well that often which makes for a lot of firefighting. That is tiring. It's not a happy, jolly family most of the time. It's needling and provoking and telling tales on each other.

Maybe when they're adults they'll be friends. I really hope so.

5, 3 and 2. 26 month gap and 17 month gap. I'm exhausted.

However, what other people do is up to them. If you can afford 4 kids go for it. The thought of how much my kids are going to cost as they get older and are at school is scaring me quite a lot...

It's funny because I never even liked kids until I got pregnant. My cousin's (much older) started having babies when I was 13 and I was never bothered, never had any desire to hold the babies or anything. Then I got pregnant and it was like something switched on inside me and now I absolutely love children. Would love to go into a child-oriented career. Would love a house full of kids. Maybe it's because DD is an absolute delight, bar a few sleep issues she's the perfect child and such an easy baby, maybe come back to me when we've had the second one!

I remember at a baby group with my 1st someone else with her 1st said she wanted at least 4 and i just smiled and said that's nice, you're brave. In my head I thought never going to happen and I was right haha, after 2 she didn't want any more

Why not stop at 2?

We decided to stick at DC1 and DC2 then realised that actually we would like a third so we had one. DC4 was a bit of a surprise, an accidental pregnancy was a bit ironic after the three years of infertility and two losses we went through prior to having DC1 and 2.

Lupercalia not at all trying to start a bun fight but it's scientific fact adding more humans to the planet is detrimental to it.

The difference is people who don't have a hoard of kids aren't adding to an already overpopulated planet, whereas those who do, are.

I can understand the societal and biological need to have a lot of kids but economically it's not great.

@mydogisthebest

" I honestly thought people were having less children but it seems not"

Nope. Look at official figures, it's just going up and up and up.

I wouldn't because of overpopulation.

This.

I agree Storm but I just want another baby so much

One is perfect for me, can’t imagine having another let alone 4! Different strokes and all that

immortalmarble I can understand that, totally. It's impossible to think of the bigger picture, the planet etc when it's something you personally want so much.

So many of us do it with lots of things not just having more kids!

I do worry about ds being lonely but me and dh have loads of friends with similar ages children and he has a baby cousin who is pretty close in age as well. He’s two and a half and is turning out reasonably normal and socially functional so far

I have 3 and it's perfect.

Ds1- 26, Ds2 - 23 and Dd - 14.

All the same Dad, although there would be nothing wrong with another Dad, I hate it when people naturally presume it was a new relationship.
When Dd was a baby it wasn't nice for ds's nor dh, school teachers were the worst.

i have 5
ds 20
ds 19
ds 12
ds 5
dd 3
and i am happy with 5 and feel like im too old to have anymore

Hadron I had stopped at four because number four has autism. Number five was two simultaneous contraception failures and I was devastated tbh. Only once I had number five I would have liked number six as I liked having pairs.

“Just because YOU wouldn't cope, Lonericera!”

No, quite frankly I wouldn’t Lupercalia, and I am not being snidey and judgemental. It just isn’t for me, any more than only having one is for you. I am just being honest about why I would hate to have a large family. I have never felt maternal in my life. Having DD has changed my life, not for better or for worse. It is just different. I think you are feeling a tad defensive because you chose to have 5 children.

Lonicera I'm with you. Not maternal in the slightest, couldn't imagine sleepless nights & feeling my sanity slipping away 5 times over.

I felt like I lost who I was when DD was a baby. I got it back when she was 3/4 and couldn't imagine doing it all over again. Prefer working/doing things with DP in my free time than running round after a football team 😂