AIBU to want at least 4 kids?

[MrsCD67]

How many do you have and what are the age gaps like? Would you want more and why?

I have 4 (would have been five but one died at birth). They are 16,13,10 and 6. My husband and I are both the second children of large families and we would probably have had more if time had allowed.
I love having 4 and they are very close and caring of each other.

We have 4, ages 20, 14, 10 and 2. Last one was a surprise

Football team here....

Oh and if I was younger I would have one more

I wouldn't because of overpopulation.

Currently, there are over 7.6 billion people in the world.

It takes a approximate dozen years for an increase in population by a billion. For example, it took 12 years for the population in the world to grow from 6 billion to 7 billion, between 1999 and 2011.

The 7.6 billion currently on earth represents just about 7% of the entire number of humans since humans came into existence.

In 1985, the demand for resources exceeded its supply. The distribution of the available resources was quite equitable before 1985, where there was equilibrium between the demand and the supply of resources. Nevertheless, the emergence of overpopulation led to disequilibrium where the resources could not cater for the whole population.

It only took 40 years for the population to double from 3 billion in 1960 to 6 billion in 2000. This is super rapid growth compared to the beginning of the 19th century which had a population of 1 billion and took a whole century to be at 2 billion.

Every time two people do more than just replace themselves (or arguably have any kids at all to be fair) they contribute to this problem, which is destroying the planet we live on and bring our kids into. The more people who think that their contribution doesn't matter, or that somehow it doesn't apply to them, the bigger the problem gets, it is incredibly selfish IMO...

DS is 6.
DD is 14 months.

If I was a few years younger and could afford to be a SAHM then I'd have another one but as that's not going to happen we'll stick with 2!

Freezer "As the oldest of four children, I would rather eat my own arm than have four myself, but each to their own"

Did your folks do that thing of using you as childcare?

I have 4, they are aged 16, 13, 10 and 3 (all 4 birthdays are coming up this summer). Eldest is a boy, the others are girls. They all get on really well and are very close. The youngest is spoilt rotten by the other 3 and they all adore her but I am well and truly done and definitely won’t be having any more.

Unless you're planning to adopt some of all of them then YABU, the planet can't take it.

I have 4

13,8,7 and 1.

I’d have more if I could but it’s not an option x

We have 2. We won't have more due to many reasons, financial, time, resource and environmental. We would consider adoption or fostering but no more births for us!

Ha the planet is far from overpopulation that's a myth. And not everyone wants to adopt someone else's kids

" How do parents of large families cope with exam stress, friendship issues, bullying, relationship issues, health issues?

I have one, and quite frankly I wouldn't have been able to deal with all that x 4. Not to mention the cost, the drudgery of extra washing, cooking, cleaning etc. Shudder."

How snidey and judgemental. We have 5 and we cope very well.

Just because YOU wouldn't cope, Lonericera!

4 here. I would never say this in rl, but being happily married and raising a family is the only thing that has given me any true sense of meaning and achievement.

Degree from Cambridge, travelled around a bit, lived all over the country, work, relationships, friendships etc etc. I've had lots of varying life experiences. My family is the only one that has mattered to me in any deep sense.

It is my reason and purpose for being.

Sad. But true.

(But I concur that environmentally it is undoubtedly selfish. I have no justification for my choice bar basic human biology).

Did your folks do that thing of using you as childcare?

I used to look after my younger siblings all the time as my father fucked off and my mother had to work two jobs. But I don't resent that at all. I come from a culture where everyone pitches in to look after younger children in the family, that's completely normal for us. I adore my mother. I only hope to be half the mother she is.

The things I did not like about being in a large family were:

• complete noise and chaos all the time (I'm the only introvert in a family of extroverts)
• lack of financial security
• the fact that as the oldest I'm seen (still seen, in fact), as the "organiser"

Freezer, I hear you, I'm introverted as well.

They are lucky you don't resent them for the childcare bit though.

speakout, I have two pre schoolers and would love another, dp doesn't (I did post way back!). Finance is a major issue for us. Dp is on a pretty good wage, i'm a SAHM (but wasn't a high earner pre dc)but will return to work when the dc are in school. At the times when i've felt very down i've spoken to my sister about having three, she had 3 under 3 but they are adults now- 18, 19 and 21. Her advice has always been that if you think toddlers are expensive teenagers are through the fucking looking glass expensive.
Sometimes feel.....greedy (??)or somehow less because we're stopping at 2 with finances being a major factor (although there are lots of others). We could afford three if we cut back in some areas but we will be able to offer the two we have more by not having another. I don't know what I'm saying really (still a bit raw about no third)...I just think, we really want a third but aren't- maybe better parents would find a way to make it work?

I am surprised just how many posters have 4 or more. Why not stop at 2? Overpopulated planet (UK particularly overcrowded). Do none of you care about your childrens' futures? I honestly thought people were having less children but it seems not

When I was young I said I wanted 4 children then I grew up, met DH and we decided we would not have any.

I had three fairly close together who are now 27, 24 and 22. All I can say is that the nineties were a blur. I didn't find three much harder than two, but my youngest child has always been very laid back. I did have a unplanned pregnancy when the youngest was about 5 which miscarried. Although, we would have had the child, we were 39 and 50 at that time so were already feeling a bit old and knackered. mainly due to life rather than the kids!

I have DS who is almost 3.
Currently pregnant with another DS.
Had another DS seven years ago but he sadly died at three weeks old.

We have agreed that we'll probably have one more after this one. DH would really like a little girl but have told him there is absolutely no way I'll keep going until we get a girl. Three is enough for me and I'm slightly scared of ending up with a football team of boys

DH was adopted as a child so adoption is something we're also considering in the next 5-10 years.

They are lucky you don't resent them for the childcare bit though.

No one would in our culture, it's normal and expected that everyone pitches in, not just with helping out with younger children but just in general. We're all a family, we're all a team.

If I have another child (very big IF), I probably won't "use" DS for childcare as I hope to be lucky enough not to have to do that - my mother really had no choice - but I certainly hope to instill in him the same attitude of our family being a team, because it is.

Yep

I didn't want to stop at two, so I didn't.

2 dc - 1 and 3. I used to want 3 but dc2 has been much harder work than dc1, and if dc3 was similar it would finish me off! I still get broody but age, finance and tiredness means it's unlikely to happen.

mydogisthebest

People in the developed world ARE having less. Average in the UK is less than 2. But this OP asked about having 4 children. Hence posters with 4 or more children are more likely to reply.

It is not representative of the national birth rate.