To not want MiL to drink while babysitting

[PineappleRelish]

My MiL looks after DD(2.5) once a week while I’m at work. She will send pictures to show what they’re up to, and I noticed in the most recent an empty bottle of wine and two glasses on the table. She was meeting her friend for lunch and they had a bottle between them, whilst she’s looking after her granddaughter.

One glass might be ok, I suppose, but half a bottle seems like a lot. When I mentioned it to DP, he said that it was ok because she drinks a lot normally so half a bottle isn’t a lot for her!

AIBU to be really cross that she’s had that much whilst in charge of my little one?

orchid mumsnet isn’t RL it’s ok. Don’t panic

We have 6 millenials who are moderate drinkers except dc 6 who doesn’t really drink. The ones who have kids are amazing parents despite sometimes drinking shock horror!!!

Luisa - no one is mocking anyone for not drinking. I am just questioning whether half a bottle makes someone incompetent. And, if you believe that does make them incompetent, why you would entrust them with care of your children*

*Written while having drunk 1/2 bottle of wine with my meal. Because that's how we roll in our house

Half a bottle of wine, presumably with food - can't see the problem.

If she had taken her to Weatherspoons for opening time and had sat necking pints all morning, I would be concerned

Racist 😂

It’s cultural difference, not ethnicity 😂😂😂

Enjoy Orchid - sounds like fun at yours 👌

1/2 bottle of wine with a meal, really is perfectly acceptable. Drinking at home all morning whilst looking after a child isn't. There is a difference.

If she had taken her to Weatherspoons for opening time and had sat necking pints all morning, I would be concerned

They do a good value breakfast though

It is enormous fun at our house Luisa. With or without alcohol. We're celebrating the end of SATs fwiw.

Oh dear no one is judging or shouting down though are they just posting their own opinions and own experiences.

If you don’t want a drink don’t. I hate those who urge others to drink when they don’t want to but equally find those who judge others who drink moderately as problem drinkers or bad parents equally annoying.

And I was joking about Sweden. My maiden name is very common in Sweden.

Maybe those taking offence need a cold glass of

I do see what you’re saying Paris, and agree with your point about normalisation of wine drinking v spirits. But if this post had been about a nanny the responses would have been quite different. If you get free childcare you do have to suck up (within reason of course) that you don’t get to call the shots as if you were paying.

I am british. If it’s racist to say my country has a bit of a booze issue then I’m guilty. We do and other countries are well aware of it.

I wouldn’t have half a bottle of wine while looking after kids - especially not someone else’s kids. You don’t need to be falling down drunk, kids (at least mine) need an eagle eye on them when you’re out and about. Even being a bit buzzed off a couple of glasses is enough to take your edge off. Accidents happen - it might be nothing to do with the drinks but you’d feel terrible if it did and you’d had a drink. Social services here would look dimly on it too

If op is accepting free help then her choices are to put up with it, have a chat with mil or to use alternative childcare. If mil is otherwise responsible and caring then it seems a shame to stop her seeing the children so I’d go for option 2.

But if this post had been about a nanny the responses would have been quite different

But that is employment and different. I wouldn't have a glass of wine when I am working, not because it impairs my ability to work but because my employers won't allow it.

P.S...I can highyly recommend Nobile di Montepulciano

2015 or 12 preferably - delicious

Yes I know sweeney. I was referencing one of Paris’s posts.

Ah SATs - you have my sympathy 😱😱😱

Social services here would look dimly on it too

Jeez there are junkies and all sorts looking after kids in this country, I wouldn’t have thought that SS would get worked up over a half bottle of wine once in a while

Obviously the replies would be different if the carer was a nanny or Cm etc. Totally unacceptable.

I expect the ops mil felt capable of looking after the child but the op should really weigh up if she thinks this is ok and trusts her mil or if not get paid childcare.

Basically that’s it really.

Must say none of my kids or dgc at 2.5 would have sat in a high chair long enough for me to have a leisurely wine lunch. Not a cat in hells chance. Far too noisy, inquisitive and chatty

Fair enough BakedBeans, and I do agree that if the OP is getting free child care, she has to accept it. I do think 5 units is too much to be drinking, and this thread has been really interesting to read as I didn't realise drinking during the day was seen as so normal.

I have average size wine glasses - you'd be lucky to get 3 glasses from one bottle .if it's a problem get somebody else to look after your chid

Social services are I think a tad too stretched to sieze children from people after half a bottle of wine.

Well in Britain they are anyway

No one has said drinking in the day is normal though have they??

It may have been a complete one off. A friends birthday sharing one bottle of wine

Jees

Obviously everybody has a different tolerance, which I evident by the replies. I think the main question here is of trust. Do you trust her to look after your child to a good standard? Half a bottle of wine will affect different people in many different ways. You cannot make a decision based on that.
But do you trust her to be responsible and put your child first? Your reaction to a seemingly normal situation suggests that you don't

Interesting discussion. I think I’ll leave it with MiL as,like a lot of you have mentioned, she does this for nothing and she is capable.
My DP thinks I’m being ridiculous, and he is pretty level headed!

I don’t think day drinking and week day lunching is that normal unless you are retired and well-off. Then it’s par for the course.

The drinking thing for me has now become slightly irrelevant (although I wouldn’t be happy either).
The comments I can not take seriously are people saying that because it’s free childcare the parent has no right to disagree or criticise. That is utterly absurd.
My MIL would look after my daughter 5 days a week if I was ok with it because she is bored out of her brains after giving up work at about 40! She loves it and yes it is helpful for me and cuts costs but trust me she does it largely for her own benefit.
But because she does do it for free I should allow her to do whatever she wants?!
I imagine the people saying this are people who don’t have grandparents look after their kids on a regular basis because if you did then I doubt you would have this opinion.
I have had to mention various things they did that I wasn’t happy with (ie way too much chocolate, way too much TV, no fruit and veg). Because it was detrimental to my child’s health and not how I want her to be raised. It also made life far harder at home because she expected here what she had there.
You are the parent! Of course there is a fine line and I’m generally easy going with most things but if I disagree with it then I will be saying it!

If that was a problem then I’ll pay for more nursery if I have to!