Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To not want MiL to drink while babysitting

466 replies

PineappleRelish · 17/05/2018 17:57

My MiL looks after DD(2.5) once a week while I’m at work. She will send pictures to show what they’re up to, and I noticed in the most recent an empty bottle of wine and two glasses on the table. She was meeting her friend for lunch and they had a bottle between them, whilst she’s looking after her granddaughter.

One glass might be ok, I suppose, but half a bottle seems like a lot. When I mentioned it to DP, he said that it was ok because she drinks a lot normally so half a bottle isn’t a lot for her!

AIBU to be really cross that she’s had that much whilst in charge of my little one?

OP posts:
pigeondujour · 18/05/2018 08:31

You could cut costs and be able to afford proper childcare by moving out of London surely?

Which would definitely be a totally proportionate response. Jesus, this website.

Its a tricky one to deal with because you don’t want to alienate or shame MIL.

But mainly because you want her to do you a long-standing favour for nothing that most people have to stretch themselves to pay hundreds and hundreds of pounds for. Which you couldn't afford. Not sure it's MIL who needs to worry about being shamed Hmm

OrchidInTheSun · 18/05/2018 08:32

Your friends might not judge but your judgy pants are absolutely enormous Yarn Grin

Ohmydayslove · 18/05/2018 08:35

ReianimatedSGB

Could you please enter politics? I would vote for you any day of the week with that manifesto. Grin

yarnswift

How sad

so in Sweden a struggling mother who bravely goes to her GP for help and is punished and harried by the authorities. It sounds a hideous situation.

Thank goodness Britain has a far more understanding, empathetic sensible and whole family approach.

ParisUSM · 18/05/2018 08:35

I don't think that playgroup leaders, nursery workers and teachers at school are allowed to have a glass of wine with their lunch while at work Yes they can. Not on the premises, though.

Of course they can't have drink while on a lunch break from work - that would be a clear discliplinary.

RoadToRivendell · 18/05/2018 08:37

I also don't think that she can do what she likes because you are not paying her. she needs consider your views and rules. You are paying her -- her time with GDD is her reward.

This did make me chuckle. What a twat you must be!

MarthasGinYard · 18/05/2018 08:38

'also don't think that she can do what she likes because you are not paying her. she needs consider your views and rules. You are paying her -- her time with GDD is her reward.

This did make me chuckle. What a twat you must be!'

Quite Grin

echt · 18/05/2018 08:39

Of course they can't have drink while on a lunch break from work - that would be a clear discliplinary

I said not on the premises.

Do point me at the the laws that forbid this.

Pengggwn · 18/05/2018 08:46

I also don't think that she can do what she likes because you are not paying her. she needs consider your views and rules. You are paying her -- her time with GDD is her reward.

With stuff like this, I always ask the question: would you say this to their face? If not, why not?

ChasedByBees · 18/05/2018 08:50

Echt - a disciplinary action doesn’t have to be against the law, just against the company rules.

Ohmydayslove · 18/05/2018 08:50

I have to say I thank God for my lovely sensible dils.

If I was a mil to some on here it would be very very hard work.

And sadly no I wouldnt be providing free childcare because instead of it being a joyful fun pro quo it would be a joyless litany of rules and regs and sour faces.

MrsKoala · 18/05/2018 08:53

A standard glass is 175ml now in most pubs so half bottle would be 2 and a bit glasses or three of the old 125ml glasses. Two 250ml glasses would be 2/3 of the bottle.

Delatron · 18/05/2018 08:54

Yarnswift. OP has admitted to drinking whilst looking after her own children. It's the MIL who can't.

Feel free to say something OP but you can be sure you won't get any free childcare again and relations will sour.

Yarnswift · 18/05/2018 08:58

so in Sweden a struggling mother who bravely goes to her GP for help and is punished and harried by the authorities. It sounds a hideous situation.

It’s different to the UK that’s for sure, but there’s mandatory reporting here and hitting your children is illegal. Everyone knows this. Should she be allowed to hit her children, which is illegal and wrong ? SS have been involved before with them for similar. Or should SS step in and provide her with support? I’d prefer the latter, her DH also hits the kids - which is illegal and again everyone knows that.

Should everyone butt out or should appropriate support and help be given?

Judgey? Yeah maybe, but anonymously on the web only. I’ve never said anything to friends who drink loads. The same can’t be said the other way, it seems to be open season on anyone who isn’t half cut every week.

BakedBeans47 · 18/05/2018 08:58

You are paying her -- her time with GDD is her reward.

LOLZ Grin

Hideandgo · 18/05/2018 08:59

I think it’s easy to see why there is so much anxiety in people these days. So many rules and judgment and inflexibility to life. Kids grow up in this environment.

Delatron · 18/05/2018 08:59

And it's very different if you are teetotal in general or drink very little. That's your choice and lifestyle. Don't dress it up as 'staying sober in case I need to drive my kids to hospital in the middle of the night' then look down your nose at those who choose to have drink within their limits.

BakedBeans47 · 18/05/2018 09:07

SS are in crisis here for sure but I am not sure the Swedish system sounds great either. You’d be scared to do anything for fear of your neighbours grassing you up. Sounds like North Korea.

OrchidInTheSun · 18/05/2018 09:08

So your friends who drink loads are super critical of your sobriety yarn? They don't sound very nice

Ohmydayslove · 18/05/2018 09:08

it seems to be open season on anyone who isn’t half cut every week

Nope no one has said anything remotely like that on this thread.

The hysteria has come from those who cannot accept that most normal adults can

A cope with life and children after one lunch with 2 glssses of wine

and B refuse to live in a perpetual state of anxiety that well children may need to be whisked to hospital at a moments notice.

Ohmydayslove · 18/05/2018 09:10

No idea why Sweden is being set up as the utopia for parents? Our SS do a fantastic job. They too step in to help struggling parents.

You do sound very judgy

echt · 18/05/2018 09:14

Echt - a disciplinary action doesn’t have to be against the law, just against the company rules

That's not what was said. The poster said that no teachers, nursery workers, etc. could drink at lunch and it's not true.

LaurieMarlow · 18/05/2018 09:20

You are paying her -- her time with GDD is her reward.

One of the most twattish things I've read on mumsnet. Congratulations. I'm sure your parents/PIL are simply falling over themselves to do you favours.

Rachie1973 · 18/05/2018 09:27

I'm off for lunch with my friend today and our granddaughters. We will be sharing a bottle of wine.

I don't childmind my grandkids, I have absolutely no desire to. I love seeing them, when it suits me and I do help out to facilitate work, or social events for their parents. I certainly don't consider it a 'reward'. A reward for what? For being off work? Don't understand that at all lol.

Seriously, whilst some grandparents can think of nothing better than seeing their grandchildren there is a whole raft of us that love them, love seeing them, love handing them back!

expatinscotland · 18/05/2018 09:29

SGB for PM!

BadLad · 18/05/2018 09:32

You are paying her -- her time with GDD is her reward.

Grin

What utter shite.