AIBU or do you think they were just being helpful

[starbucks15]

I'm not sure if iabu or not but this is an issue I have with my pil. They have a key to our house which DH gave them. They will ring the bell or knock when I'm there but will often drop in stuff or pick up stuff if I'm not there but usually will tell either me or DH they are dropping by. We came home from holiday recently (day time flight) to find some basic groceries left for us despite living 2 mins away from a shop and some tidying done and our post arranged. This doesn't bother DH but it bothers me as in makes me feel uncomfortable that that they let themselves into our home without asking/telling us. Mil can be quiet nosey which makes me feel uneasy about her being in our house. DH wouldn't even dream of asking for the key back and has stated that if my parents let themselves in and out he'd have no problem with it either. We changed the locks two years ago and mil kept going on about making sure she got a key from us.

I couldn’t get upset about someone being kind and leaving basics for when you get back from holiday

I wouldn’t like it either. Boundaries, OP, boundaries.

Wow how unreasonable! Buying you shopping and making the house pleasant for your return 🙄😳 I would shout at her and then go NC! God knows what's next, offering to help with childcare or even, god forbid, constantly trying to be a decent person and make life easier for you and your family!

I think that's really thoughtful actually. A bit of tidying and some food and drink for you both.

So they:

• let you know when they're coming around
• tell you if they're going to leave things
• thoughtfully got in some food bits to make sure you didn't have to come home from holiday and go out again to the shop when you might be tired from travelling
• Are generally decent people

And you're upset?

Not trying to be snarky but genuinely struggling to see what the issue is here. They left you basics for your first night back and had a little tidy... that seems really helpful and kind.

If they'd moved your furniture, laundered all your pants, deep cleaned your sex toy box and thrown away an armchair I would understand but it seems like they've just done a small, considerate thing to welcome you home. I couldn't get annoyed about it!

But, would people really let themselves into someone else’s house?

I mean, I could break into my neighbors house, tidy up a bit, water his plants, feed his cat, but I suspect it would freak the shit out of him unless he had actually asked me to do so.

@Shadow666 but that isn't what happened here. Her PsIL have a key, presumably know them well, and occasionally let them in for other errands. How is that the same as breaking in to a neighbour's house?!

No that wouldn't bother me at all.

It isnt the same as breaking in at all. Since they have a key.

No this wouldnt bother me at all. I think you are beign daft.

Actually I wouldn't like it either. Fine it you'd asked them to keep an eye on the house while you were away and water the garden but otherwise I'd fell uncomfortable.

My parents have a key and my dad turns he heating off to save me money so I then freeze

Really think YABU

Because it annoys the OP. If the OP didn’t mind then there wouldn’t be a problem, but she does mind, so it is a problem.

They didn’t ask the OP first if she minded and she has no idea what else they were doing there, ie poking around in her stuff. Just randomly letting yourself into someone else’s house to do a bit of tidying isn’t helpful, it’s rude unless you check with them first.

What a rabid bitch leaving you groceries and a nice house.. wish my MIL was such an awful cow.

I think it's nice..

"Because it annoys the OP. If the OP didn’t mind then there wouldn’t be a problem, but she does mind, so it is a problem"

And obviously as a dil her wishes are paramount.

I think they have been rather thoughtful in leaving a few essentials for your return from holiday. Also, having locked myself out of the house recently, it's very useful to have a spare set of keys with someone nearby.

I don’t understand what you mean? It’s the OPs house. If she isn’t comfortable with her in laws letting themselves in and tidying up when she’s not there, then of course her wishes are important.

I've never answered an aibu until now but yabu. Definitely.

I think it depends on your relationship. My siblings in law do this sometimes as do we. But we all get on well, have keys to each others houses, have lived together etc.

Bit on the fence with this one. There was no evidence MIL had been rooting through your personal stuff I guess? I actually think it's quite nice they'd bothered to get you some bits in, check your post and tidy up and your DH obviously doesn't mind and it's his home too.......

Shadow OP hasn't said anywhere that PIL are aware of those wishes though.

"I don’t understand what you mean? It’s the OPs house."

Oh, are these her ex's parents? I didn't realise. Yes, that is a bit odd.

I’ve done this for my parents. I just thought I was being helpful I have a key and thought it would be nice for them to come home and not trip over a stack of post on the way in and that they’d appreciate being able to have a cuppa. Didn’t occur to me that they’d mind - hopefully they didn’t!

YABU
I would have loved to have such thoughtful parents in law.
Wait till you have adult kids who drop by at all hours even when they have left home..........