About elderly neighbours and my daughter’s piano

[user1499173618]

My DD is practising for her Grade 4 piano exam, which is due to take in June. We live on the second floor of a very nice apartment building of six apartments. We are the only occupants with a school aged child living at home. DD is very quiet and polite.

Our neighbours on the fourth and fifth floors have complained about DD’s piano playing and asked whether she could wear a headset and use the electronic keyboard. While I understand that they would prefer not to hear the piano at all, DD only plays for 30’ or so a day, apart from on Friday afternoons when her piano teacher gives her an hour’s lesson.

TBH I am quite hurt! DD is beautifully behaved and we work hard to keep her usefully occupied. I would have appreciated a more supportive set of neighbours! AIBU?

“I can't believe that people think those who live in flats shouldn't be able to learn music!”

I agree, NanFlanders. I grew up in a house and music was a hugely important part of my education and childhood. I want my kids to have that too but it is extremely unlikely we will ever be able to afford to live in a house instead of a flat. When you live in close proximity to others you need to strike a balance between being considerate and tolerant. It’s unreasonable to make too much noise, particularly at antisocial times. But it’s also unreasonable to expect your neighbours not to live normal lives just because you think silence is golden.

I don't think it's unreasonable and to be honest would really enjoy hearing this of it were my neighbours. But for the sake of neighbourly relations I would set a half hour time slot that you play in every day as well as the hours lesson.

It's much easier to deal with noise when you know when it is and how long it's for. But if piano is the only noise issue in their apartments they're lucky gits!!

YANBU. We have a cello player next door, that's just life! If they want total silence, they need to move elsewhere. Unless your DD is pounding on the keys playing chopsticks or some other nightmare

I'm just missing the point of the thread so impressed that your daughter will practice for 30 minutes every day!

Our neighbours must hate us - DH is a cello teacher and both DC have started learning the cornet. I have apologised.

If you can play through headphones then you can plug in some speakers and play on a lower volume

Neighbours won't hear- you still can - everyone wins

Ah just seen she does have the option to use headphones in your actual piano. Well then yes, she should do most of her practice that way. I didn't realise that was a possibility - my piano is very old - and whether or not she want everyone to hear her, if she can use the headphones then she should.

Under those circumstances urbvu.

Do you have hard floors? If so, could you get a thick rug to go under the piano to lessen the sound?

This might help.
I play a very large instrument and at university I played a lot and had to practice in the music faculty (I wasn't a music student but practicing in my hall wasn't allowed). Some instrumental players were only allowed to book a small concert hall for practice!
But at least I didn't learn the trumpet like my brother.

I'm listening to our upstairs neighbour play the piano as I write. The daughter practices for about 30 minutes every day at varying times, it seems a bit more regular at the moment perhaps because it's coming up to exams. I don't mind at all and it reminds me to give my DD a nudge to get some practice done herself!

I'm quite sensitive to most noise but piano playing is not unpleasant and it's never after 10pm. The timing can occasionally be a bit irritating but I just count my blessings we don't have some of the horrible neighbours you read about on here. It also makes me feel better about letting my own children practice their instruments. I always make sure it's not too early or late in the day.

To the poster who believes I am 'insanely selfish' to have a piano in our apartment, I really think they need to get a bit of perspective.

Sorry, but if you have the option of plugging in headphones, as you say, then playing ‘out loud’ is incredibly selfish. Especially in a communal building!

My DH practices with headphones, so as not to subject the rest of us, and the neighbours, to endless repetitions of the same piece of music for 20mins at a time (He’s grade 8+ so using your logic his practice should sound lovely to others)

He’d prefer not to, but he has empathy for others.

I would be really pissed off if I lived in your building and knew that your DD was choosing the noisier option of practicing.

Thank you everyone for your opinions.

As always, having a neighbour complain reminds me of all the possible grudges I could hold against them! Filthy windows being the one that bugs me the most!

Hmmm, i can see both sides. Real pianos are loud, and not everyone wants to hear piano practice every day. When i lived in a shared house i got an electric piano for this reason, i didn't feel it was fair to disturb the others. I usually played without headphones but with the volume a lot lower than a real piano.

Given that you have the ability for DD to play with headphones on I do think you are being a bit UR. Could your DD practice with headphones every other day as a compromise?

We have an electric piano, DD is studying for grade 8 and can do up to 2- 2 and a half hours a day right now - with headphones!

The whole household gets sick of the same 3 pieces every single day, repeated, repeated, repeated... so she plays with headphones and every so often will show us how a part has improved etc.

Headphones really are the answer...

I'm grade 3 and didn't really think too much about noise when practicing, neighbours never complained. Where I live now my neighbour on one side plays piano (beautifully) several times each day, the neighbour on the other side has 2 children under 5 who scream every morning before nursery and every evening (presumably before bed, I could set my clock by it!) I know which I prefer!! However, it's all part of daily life, if someone wants silence go and live in a detached house in the middle of nowhere. YADNBU good luck to your daughter on her exams

Agree with everyone else regarding headphones. My DD is currently working towards her Grade 8 and Dh and I both work from home. Headphones are the way to go.

TBH the headphones are not the answer. DD hates them and her practice will drop off almost entirely if she is restricted to headphones. She likes to play for people, and to be appreciated. And I value the interaction. Modern children spend far too much time plugged in.

Half an hour a day? I think they're being very mean spirited actually.

So why did you post, OP?

“Trampling on the piano”. That’s not a kind thing to say. Grade 4 is already pretty good. 30 mins a day isn’t much in the scheme of things.

I enjoy peace and quiet. My dd hates silence. Says it’s creepy whereas I feel calmest when there are no intrusive noises. We’re all different.

I think the key is if the listener feels it’s intrusive and has told you this then it’s considerate to put yourself in their place. Would your daughter enjoy her piano sessions if her neighbour was playing loud heavy metal at the same time. She’d probably find it intrusive. Speaking as someone who would find loud piano music very intrusive I’d probably be happy with knowing what times to expect it so I could plan to do my housework or diy at that time so my precious peace and quiet time for reading or working wasn’t being ruined. I wouldn’t expect your daughter to have to stop learning piano, that would be ridiculous, but I would expect, from a considerate neighbour, some attempt at seeing thing from my point of view as well.

When I’ve got the house to myself, a great book and some tea and biscuits I’m highly pissed off if the dog next door has been left on its own and starts barking for the next hour or two till the owner returns. If I knew what time they were going out I’d work round that and it wouldn’t be a problem. It’s not so much the noise but the inability to have any control over something intrusive that is the issue.

Have you been in their flat to listen to how loud your piano is?

I don't think 30 mins a day is unreasonable. Especially if you think of the alternatives!

If they want to keep the chimney open, then they'll have to put up with it. They can't have it both ways. Maybe they should get some headphones?

Have you tried draping a heavy blanket over the top and down the back of the piano?

But in general, yanbu.

I actually think it is unreasonable, i certainly would not want to listen to 30 mins of daily piano playing and an hour once a week... its too much, a home is supposed to be where you relax, you say your DD is practising so its unlikely its going to be a beautiful melody being played, rather the same thing over and over. Why cant you get a stage piano and some ear phones? For the sake of living in harmony with your neighbours I would get the earphones!

She likes to play for people, and to be appreciated. And I value the interaction.
And your neighbours like to enjoy their home in peace and quiet without listing to a piano for literally hours every single week.

Filthy windows being the one that bugs me the most!
How is that the same? Do those dirty windows disturb you every single day?

I'd understand using headphones if it was several hours of playing but half an hour? Seriously? That's no time at all.