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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I am not ok

159 replies

Incarnationsofunderstanding · 16/05/2018 20:37

AIBU to think sometimes that is the hardest thing to say?

Kind of want to start a # but daren’t.

For those who don’t appear to have collapsed.

For those who get up every day and work and look after kids and care for family and friends. For those who laugh and smile and function and drive onwards.

“I am not ok” Are sometimes the hardest words to say?

I am not ok.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 17/05/2018 10:47

Dogg nobody would say they had no reason to have asthma or high blood pressure.
I have told people in RL. Not details but some people know.

Ginorchoc · 17/05/2018 10:51

I can’t tell anyone in RL, I’m the friend who people can go weeks or months without contacting me until they need advice, help, passport signed, reference etc and then go off on their merry way until the next time. People think I’m the one with every sorted.

GreyCloudsToday · 17/05/2018 10:54

researchandbiscuitfan what incredibly tough times, sending you Flowers

This article gave me real pause for thought last week:

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/may/13/my-life-was-so-hectic-that-i-welcomed-getting-ill

Ridiculouslyso · 17/05/2018 11:00

I don't feel ok either. I don't mind telling my close friends how I feel. I'm lucky that they are supportive but there are no quick fixes unfortunately. I think these days we are almost expected to be incredibly strong, emotionless robots.

Yoshimi234 · 17/05/2018 11:07

I found myself singing Elinor Rigby this morning after school drop off. (I pretty much always have a soundtrack running in my head!)

"wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door".

I know that not being ok isn't all about loneliness. But for me that's a big part of it. I haven't felt ok for a long time.

I had been chatting with someone in the school playground this morning. I smiled, laughed. I came so so close to asking if she fancied a cuppa sometime but couldn't.

I read so much about loneliness but I can't ever spot the other lonely people. Everyone seems to have busy lives. I wonder what it would be like if everyone is a little bit more open.

roseblossom75 · 17/05/2018 11:09

People often casually ask "You OK?" in passing as part of their greeting.
I have never known anyone say "No. Actually I'm not."
It's just the expectation to say "Fine thanks. Are You?".
i suppose if it wasn't a fleeting greeting and someone actually stopped and asked "Are you OK? You seem a bit down?" , then more people may be inclined to open up.
Even then though a lot of us find it hard to admit we're not OK.
For me I always worry about being a burden. It's easier just to smile and gloss over it.
In some ways I'm probably more likely to admit there is something wrong if I'm texting as opposed to face to face. You don't have to put on a false smile then.

BeyondThePage · 17/05/2018 11:11

I'm not ok sometimes - but that is normal, life is like that.

It is ok to not be ok sometimes. If not ok is the default, then something needs to be done about it.

I am a very good listener, so I do not know where the "nobody says when they are not ok" stuff comes from - I am the recipient of many, many tales of woe and distress.

I can sit and be talked at without having to respond, I am sympathetic, but have no experience of this deep level angst that some seem to suffer daily - I am not entirely sure how I feel about it, but if me just sitting quietly helps people...

Apparently it is "nice to be able to share" stuff with me - perhaps some people just need a "me"...

UnicornFairyDust · 17/05/2018 11:24

I've just had to say to the Dr today that i am not ok. First time in my life i've asked for help, or even needed it.

AnoiaUnstickMyDrawers · 17/05/2018 11:26

I'm not ok OP.

fluffyrobin · 17/05/2018 11:35

I believe the human brain is designed to feel anxiety, stress and discomfort as a survival mechanism initially, but as we in the West don't normally have to worry about basic survival any more the brain hasn't adapted accordingly.

Thousands of years ago we were in a state of semi permanent anguish over whether we or our dc were going to be mauled or worse by predators, whether there was enough food for our tribe , whether we had shelter and a place of safety.

It's no wonder anxiety is so common when taking a historical and anthroplogical perspective.

Finding peace with our lives, our own and our family's safety and happiness has always been a lifelong struggle for humans.

It is what makes us human.

Our minds are so powerful they can overrule rational thought.

The key is to harness our mental health towards positive life experiences rather than let negative life experiences over rule.

Basically, if we have a roof over our heads, our dc are safe, we have food on the table then we can must not take all that for granted, as there are sizeable chunks of human history when those things were an impossibility.

In short, we need to be kinder to ourselves and value safety and peace much more.

Everything else is secondary. We tend to lose sight of the basics because of cultural expectations and often unrealistic self inflicted pressures we put ourselves under.

Lilacwine1 · 17/05/2018 11:37

BeyondThePage You sound just like me, but I find it extremely hard to confide in a "me"

OhYouBadBadKitten · 17/05/2018 11:45

With respect fluffyrobin I'm not sure this is the right thread for an intellectual discussion on the origins of anxiety. You don't actually know what people on this thread are going through in their lives.

Yoshimi234 · 17/05/2018 11:52

fluffyrobin interesting thoughts but I think we need much more than food shelter and safety.

Yoshimi234 · 17/05/2018 11:53

Cross posted BadBadKitten - but you are right.

se22mother · 17/05/2018 11:56

Thanks for everyone.

Between changes at work and issues regarding dd I'm not ok but I've been ploughing on and I know it's not doing me any favours. Working in the industry I do this stuff is brushed under the carpet too much, and it is very hard to put your hands up and admit it.

Wafflenose · 17/05/2018 12:04

Hugs to all the other not OK people. This is my favourite song at the moment.

Whirlytastic · 17/05/2018 12:15

I'm not okay. And dammit, it's beginning to show.

Dard · 17/05/2018 12:19

Im not ok haven't been for 5 years and its not getting better:(

NKFell · 17/05/2018 12:54

I love Unstoppable by Sia. I find that I really relate to the lyrics.

And that's the nearest to saying 'I'm not OK' at the moment!

yaffingale · 17/05/2018 12:56

Yep I can rarely say I'm not ok. It turns into a big fucking drama with him saying 'fine I will leave' instead of be willing to help sort the problem Angry

80smercedes · 17/05/2018 13:00

I'm not ok. Medication has helped a little, but I'm still not ok. My DH is not ok either, so I'm trying to be strong for him. My mum doesn't understand so changes the subject if it's ever mentioned. I have no friends. It's so hard when there is nobody to talk to.

Flowers to everyone who is not ok.

Lilacwine1 · 17/05/2018 13:04

Wafflenose Just finished listening to song. I'm going to make it my favourite song too, I hope that's ok.

kateandme · 17/05/2018 13:13

you are all ok you are all blooming marvelous.keep striving to believe that.
and even if its not ok right now.life has one certainty.things change.so right now it might seem impossible but it will change.eb and flo.take care everyone.you are loved.

BillywigSting · 17/05/2018 13:29

I'm not really OK but I'm more OK than I was ten years ago.

I was most definitely not OK then.

A huge life change helped a bit, but not before making it worse first.

More good days than bad now though. I can actually see the light at the end of the tunnel.

[Flowers] for everyone who isn't ok

louderthan1 · 17/05/2018 13:32

I'm not ok. Feel pretty terrified and panicky most of the time.

I'm also essentially homeless: five year relationship ended very suddenly a few weeks ago and I'm sofa surfing.

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